Why Me?
by x.Dancing.Queen.x
Summary: When Gemma gets too close to Kartik, she's knows that it's wrong but she can't bring herself to stop, not realizing the risks until finally, their nights of ecstasy result in something unexpected that neither of them are ready for. LEMONS after chapter 2.
1. Forest Wanderings

**okay here's my first chapter. The rating should change to M soon. Probably around chapter 2,3 or 4, which is where the lemons should start.**

Gemma POV

I stepped lightly into the forest, looking around warily to make sure that nobody noticed me, a lone girl venturing into the trees alone. I walked swiftly, not slowing down until I was sure that I was completely hidden from the other girls, enveloped in the many greens of the forest. I chose a direction and walked at a leisurely pace, relishing the spongy feeling of the new spring grass underfoot. Suddenly I stopped, looking around me. I had stumbled across one of the few clearing that dotted the huge, green expanse of the woods. Gingerly, I sat down on the edge of the clearing, leaning against the rough bark of a tree. The wind blew through the trees, breaching the thin material of my chemise and making me shiver. Suddenly I regretted my decision not to dress properly before leaving Spence.

Lazily, I thought about my friends. They were all asleep at this hour, no doubt. Ann slept like a log, and lately, Felicity had no reason to be up at this ungodly hour of the morning. In fact, lately, she had no reason to do anything at all. She had been so quiet; everyone was scared, waiting for the old Fee to come back, with her witty comments and her piercing gray eyes. But it had been over six months since Pippa... you know, and still she stared blankly at nothing and spoke only when spoken to, sometimes not even then.

Ann was still Ann, though sometimes I questioned her sanity. She had stopped cutting herself, but now all that she could think about was Tom! She was like a lovestruck, puppy, trailing after him whenever he came to visit, but whenever he spoke to her, her normally pale cheeks flushed bright red and she replied with a quiet, ladylike response. I didn't want her to be disappointed, but someone would have to tell her that Tom would never feel the same way.

I mean, he's never mentioned Ann and I know that he's to proud and snobby to even think of marrying a scholarship student. In fact, I wonder how she hasn't noticed what a snob he is! Not to mention his horrible sense of self-righteousness. I hate seeing Ann like that, stumbling for words over a man that will never look at her twice.

_You shouldn't be the one critisizing, _a tiny voice nagged in my head. _Maybe she feels the same way about Tom that you do about Kartik._ I mentally swatted at the voice, treating it like an annoying fly that buzzed around my head, whispering unwanted truths in my ears.

Deep down, I knew that it was right. How could I think of Ann like that when I'm floating around, wrapped up in my own cocoon of lovesick dreams and walks through the forest that could last for hours. His face appeared yet again as it had so many times in the last few days, and I tried to push it away, but it was no use. My mind was already churning with thoughts of his lips on mine and the smell of scorched cinnamon. Finally, I gave in and allowed my mind to run wild with thoughts of him, with his thick eyelashes and that perfect mouth………

I jolted awake, forgetting where I was and banging my head on a low tree branch. "Blast!" My curse echoed through the forest. I looked up, still holding my head, and saw that the sun had risen noticeably since I had wandered into the woods, looking for a small moment of peace. Spence would be waking up any time now.

Maybe if I hurried I could slip into bed before anybody noticed my absence. Groggily, I stumbled towards the other end of the clearing. _I came from that direction, didn't I?_

I shrugged inwardly and began to walk to the other end of the clearing. Suddenly I could feel another presence in the trees, watching me. I slowed to a halt and stooped over, pretending to check my legs for scratches. Sure enough, a twig snapped in two, sounding like it was only a few paces behind me. I whipped around, expecting to catch someone red handed, but the clearing was empty. _Gemma, you idiot!_

There had never been anyone in the clearing. The only place that a twig could break was in the trees, not a clearing! I scanned the forest, trying to pick out an irregular shape among the trees. There was no one there. A crow screeched high above me, beyond the canopy of the trees.

I rolled my shoulders and told myself to breath slowly, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Finally I relaxed enough to pull my thoughts together. _It was an animal._

My breathing slowed and I began to turn around slowly, keeping my eyes on the trees and listening for sounds, just in case. Just as I had myself convinced that I was overreacting and that I could walk back to Spence without sparing a glance over my shoulder every 3 steps, a strong, wiry arm snaked around my neck, cutting off air, shortly followed by another around my waist.

It took me a nanosecond to recognize the scent that hung in the air and the arm wrapped around me, squeezing me tightly to something sturdy and warm.

Kartik.

**Please review! Go ahead and flame if you want, I need the criticism. 3**


	2. Passion

**Please like it.  
Please review.  
**

Gemma POV

I could feel him pressing against me, our bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces. Unfortuneatly, I didn't get to savour the feeling, because his arm was around my throat, putting pressure on my wind pipe and blocking off air.

I kicked backwards, trying to hit him in his tender spot, but obviously he had learned from our first experience, because her twisted his body, making it so that my foot merely brushed his shin. _Does he know that he's choking me?_

My lungs were burning now, demanding the oxygen that my body needed. I writhed desperately in his grasp, trying futiley to weasel my way out of his arms. Suddenly an idea formed in my head. I allowed my body to slacken, falling limp in his arms. Almost immediately he released his grip, and I struggled not to take great gulps of air.

Now I turned, just in time to see his concerned face twist in pain as I kicked out, this time my foot meeting it's mark. Then I was up, running into the safety of the trees, sparing a glance backwards to see him curled on the ground, his back to me. I turned back around and focused all of my attention on running in the general direction of Spence and not tripping over myself in my haste.

Tree branches whipped my face and arms, stinging my cheeks and bringing tears to my eyes. I kept my mind on the task at hand though, even though it seemed almost impossible as I heard Kartik lumbering through the trees behind me, swearing_. Get to Spence. Get to Spence._

Kartik POV

I managed to get my arms around her, and focused on keeping them there, trying not to get distracted by the soft feel of her skin against mine, and failing miserably.

Her foot lashed out at me, but unlike last time, I thought to defend myself. _Oh, no you dont't, _I thought, angling my body and protecting my genitals. Why was she struggling so much? Surely she recognized me?

My thoughts strayed as I felt her warmth through the thin cotton of her chemise. Why she wasn't wearing proper clothing, I didn't know, but to be honest I didn't mind one bit.

My reverie was interrupted as she suddenly went deathly still. Immediately I flipped her over, realizing that maybe my grip on her neck was a bit too tight. Instantly guilt flooded over me. _What if I killed her?_

I was already making plans to dump the body in the lake when she brought her foot up between my legs. All of my sympathy vanished and I concentrated on expressing my feelings in the form of a string of colourful language. Somewhere in the back of my head, I could hear Gemma running blindly through the forest, no doubt thinking that I had just tried to kill her.

I managed to stand up and go after her, following the path that she had forged through the forest in her terror. I saw a flash of flame-coloured hair, contrasting with the lush green of the forest. "Gemma," I managed to croak out. "Stop!"

Gemma POV

I heard his voice, begging for me to stop. _Maybe he didn't mean to... _I felt a flicker of hope in my chest at the thought, however unlikely. I trudged a bit farther, then ducked to the side and backtracked a few feet.

I didn't have to wait long before he came into view, looking slightly ragged, his dark curls were decorated with twigs, sticking out in all dorections. I managed to hold back a giggle at the sight of him. "Gemma, please," he yelled to the forest, a desperate expression on his face. "I didn't mean to hurt you!".

I thought for a moment then stepped out of the trees behind him, waiting until he noticed me to say anything. "You didn't notice that you were _choking_ me?", I spat venomously. "How am I supposed to believe you? How do I know that next time I turn my back, you won't stab me with that knife of yours?", I said, gesturing to the blade that hung at his belt.

"I wasn't paying attention!", he said, a forlorn look on his face. "Please, I'll make it up to you." He took a step towards me but I took one back, still shaken from the experience. "Gemma." The word hung in the air, making me unsure of what to do. Those big, brown eyes were looking at me with such intensity that I couldn't look away.

This time, when he moved towards me, I stood where I was. In two long strides he was in front of me, enveloping me in his arms. I melted into him, wrapping my arms around his strong frame. We stood there for a moment, then I heard his voice, light as breath, against my hair. "I'm so sorry, Gemma." I buried my face in his chest and whispered back, "I'm sorry for yelling at you, Kartik." I lifted my head and looked around. We were back in the clearing! I groaned realizing that I must have been running in circles in my wild panic. Kartik looked at me questioningly.

"What's wrong?" I sighed and looked at him. "Don't you recognized this place?" Kartik looked at me, laughter in his eyes. "You do know that all clearings look the same, don't you?" I flushed, looking for words. "I- you know- the tree-" Kartik quieted me with a finger to my lips.

Gently, he tilted my face up towards his. One corner of his mouth pulled up slightly, giving me the impression that he was restraining a laugh. I stuck my lip out into what I hoped was a perfect pout, looking up at him seductively. Suddenly something appeared in his eyes, an emotion I didn't recognize. I chill ran down my spine as it dawned on me. Passion. A pure hungry lust, that could be satisfied be one person and one person alone. Me.

**Well? _Do_ you like it? The next chapter should be lime, MAYBE lemon, but I doubt it. Oh, and please review.**


	3. I Can't

**This one is a bit more lemony. Again, flame if you want. Anyway, I'm going to post this and wait for a few days. If I don't get any reviews, then I'll ditch this story and start another one. Please review!!**

Kartik POV

Cautiously, I leant down to press her lips to mine. I wasn't sure what here reaction would be, and for a moment, I thought that I saw fear in her eyes. Did she see my passion, how much I want her, every day of my life? I was sure that she would push me away when I kissed her, but instead, she met me with so much enthusiasm that I pulled back and looked at her for a second. Maybe, just maybe she felt the same way about me as I did about her. Judging by the way that her green eyes burned with lust, and a faint blush had crept into her cheeks, she did. I leant down to her, and once again I was met by her lips. The were a dusty pink, and they felt as soft as rose petals under my lips. I felt like I could stay there forever, floating with her.

Gemma POV

The look in his eyes matched my own. We both wanted the same thing, that much was obvious. His mouth felt so good against mine, I found myself craving more. I deepened the kiss, putting my arms around his neck, trying to get the message across that I wanted more. He answered by kissing me back fiercely, running his tongue along my bottom lip. Almost on impulse, I opened my mouth, granting him access to the inside of my body. I remembered the last time that he'd been in my mouth. I had flinched back, not feeling ready. Now, I could feel my body getting wet, asking for more than just kissing. I tilted my head, placing kisses down his neck, enjoying the salty taste. He was breathing hard, his hand rubbing up and down my leg, feeling my through my chemise. I continued down his neck until I hit the rim of his shirt. I used my teeth to gnaw at it, tugging it downwards, asking him for more. He complied, taking his hands off of my hips and pulling it over his head, throwing it away hastily before going back to massaging me. He kissed me again before lowering his head and sucking hard on my neck, playfully nipping at the tender skin between my jaw and my neck. I gasped, loving the chill that rushed through my body at his touch. He made his way down my neck and stopped at the neckline of my chemise. I wanted to rip it off, but I didn't want to seem overeager, so I rubbed my hands up and down his chest, which was now slick with sweat and whispered in his ear, "Excited?"

Kartik POV

Her voice was so sexy I could hardly bear it. I wanted to take her, then and there. I wanted to rip off the flimsy garment that was separating my from her. But I had to be patient. I had to make her want me. I put my hands on her shoulders and slid them down, feeling her wetness, which I'm sure got worse farther down. I leant forward and breathed in her ear,"Maybe. You?"

Gemma POV

I shivered at the sound of his voice. I'd waited long enough. I reached down, feeling the waistband of his trousers. I kept going, and my fingers met a noticeable bump. I smiled against the skin of his neck. I brought my hands back around his neck, gasping in surprise as he pulled at my chemise until the neckline ripped, revealing the top of my breast. I heard Kartik's sharp intake of breath. He wanted it bad.

Kartik POV

Her breast came into view, and I felt my eyes widen. I kissed her fiercely, cupping my palm against her breast, feeling the soft, exposed skin with my thumb. I was so hard I could barely stand it. My trousers suddenly felt uncomfortably tight. I took a shaky breath and looked into her eyes. We both knew what could happen, if we both just let go. After a moment of hesitation, she nodded, looking a bit scared. Then our lips were locked again and I was inching the bottom of her chemise upwards, making sure to brush the soft skin of her leg as I went. Impatiently, she took her arms from around my neck and took the garment off, slowly inching it upwards as she revealed every inch of her porcelain skin, which was slick with sweat. This took an amazing affect on my body, making my my eyes, and something else bulge as I took in her beauty. Her legs were a mile long and perfectly smooth. I followed them upwards until my eyes game to that perfect triangle of curls, between her milky white thighs. Her waist dipped in smoothly, a result of the deathtraps known as corsets that English women wore. However, the affect was amazing. My eyes settled on her breasts. Though they were rather small, I couldn't have imagined her any different. Finally I looked at her face, and realized that is was flushed red, as she watched me ogle her body. I blushed almost as dark as her, and kept my eyes strictly on her face as I unbuttoned my trousers. Finally I was free, and we were both standing stark naked in the woods, hot and, well... horny.

Gemma POV

I watched him ogle my body as if I were a piece of china, blushing furiously as I coughed forcefully, trying to catch his attention, without any luck. Finally his gaze finished sweeping over my body and he blushed too, realizing what he'd been doing. I watched him take off his pants, and gasped when I saw the size of his cock. It was HUGE! I giggled, realizing that he must want me pretty bad. I could feel my pussy get unbelievably wet as I took in this god of a man. Suddenly I couldn't take it anymore. I attacked him with my lips, this time forcing my tongue into _his _mouth. His arm brushed along my back to my buttocks, making light circles on my skin. The hands continued down, and he stopped at my thigh, bringing it up around his waist. I brought the other one up, unbalancing us and forcing him to bring us to the ground. I was on top of im now, my knees on either side of him. His rock hard erection was rubbing against me, begging to be satisfied. I denied it, rolling his earlobe between my teeth, earning an audible groan. I continued down, nipping and sucking, and placed kisses on his chest, following the dark line of hair further and further down. Finally, I reached his cock. I took the tip into my mouth, massaging it gently with my tongue. His moans were growing stronger as I began to bite it a bit, each time taking more of him into my mouth. I pumped my mouth along his length, speeding up gradually and taking reassurance from the guttural moans that Kartik was making. "Gemma," he shouted, "I'm gonna cum!" Sure enough, a few seconds later, a stream of the salty liquid shot into my mouth. I tried to catch it all, but he just kept coming! When he did finish, the stuff was dripping out of my mouth and down my neck. I could hear him trying to apologize. "I'm so sorry, Gemma! I tried to stop it, but-" I silenced him with a fierce kiss. "You'll just have to make it up to me.", I whispered against his mouth. He got my meaning and flipped us over so that he was on top. He made his way down my neck, sucking at my wet skin, stopping to nip at my pulse, making me gasp in pleasure. A warm hand cupped my right breast while something warm and wet covered my left. He used his tongue to flick my nipple, earning a moan of pleasure each time. He took the sensitive nub between hiss teeth and lightly rolled it, while his hand massaged my other one. He replaced the hand with his mouth and did the same thing. I was shaking with delight as he moved downwards, flicking his tongue into my navel repeatedly. It felt so damn good! But I couldn't help wishing that he would skip the foreplay and get himself _in _me. "Lower!", I gasped, starting to feel desperate for him. He complied, moving his head lower until he came to face the patch of curls. He barely hesitated before digging his face into them, using his tongue to stoke up and down the length of my soaking clit. He dipped his tongue in, probing my insides. I was struggling to keep my body under control. The moans escaping my throat were high and needy, asking for more. His tongue brushed something deep inside me, and I couldn't keep my hips from bucking upwards. A scream escaped my throat. "Kartik!Now!" He looked up at me, and seeing the need in my eyes, he moved up and pressed his lips to mine, sabotaging my mouth with his tongue, just as he had done before, only quite a bit lower. I pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. They were still clouded and dark with lust. Without hesitation, I spread my legs.

Kartik POV

I looked at Gemma in surprise. Was she ready for this? My throbbing cock seemed to reverberate an answer: "Yes." _Don't think with your cock, Kartik, _My common sense whispered. I lowered myself an inch or so towards her opening, and stopped. I looked into her eyes and saw the same passion there that I was feeling. _Should I? _Gemma huffed in impatience and opened her legs wider. I was tempted, but what about her? As if in answer, she reached downwards with both hands and put them between her legs, on each side of her pussy. I looked at her, confused. She kept her eyes locked on mine as she stuck her fingers into herself, and pulled her vagina wide open.

Gemma POV

What was I supposed to do? I wanted him so bad I could barely stand it, and he was hesitating! I stayed in that position, with my hands on either side of my clit, pulling it wide open, a gateway to heaven, just waiting for Kartik to walk into it. His eyes were on the glistening opening, then on my face, as he tried to read my emotions. I wanted to shout at him, "Get on with it! I'm not getting any less horny!" He lowered himself another inch, now his penis was brushing me. "Please, Kartik," I said, letting the words hang in the air. Suddenly, he got right up and walked away, leaving me laying there on the ground, naked, shocked, and worst of all, empty. "What are you doing, Kartik?" I half yelled, trying to keep my voice down. "I need you!" He walked over to his trousers and began to pull them on. "No, you don't," he replied, his voice shockingly angry."You need a husband, a house, and a small fortune. Not to mention your _chastity._I'm just an Indian boy with no assets. Save yourself and marry a rich barrister from London." I stared in shock. Clumsily, I stood up, pulling on my chemise. "I don't care about what you have, Kartik, I just want to be with you! If I really cared about my chastity, I would've told you that _before _we got naked!" Kartik just shook his head, pulling on his shirt. "I can't do this to you, Gemma," he said. "I can't ruin your life." And with that, he walked into the trees, leaving me shocked, angry, and most of all, empty.

**Is it wrong that I got kind of turned on writing that?? Just kidding, I'm just kinda scared that you guys won't like it. Please review!!**


	4. Decisions

**Okay this is about two days later. **

Gemma's POV

"Gemma!" The familiar voice breached my shell of sleep, making me turn over in bed, trying to block out the sound. "Gemma, wake up! It's time for breakfast!" Cautiously, I peeked over the covers and recognized Ann's watery eyes looking down at me.

"Ugghhh." I answered, and ducked back underneath the sheets. "Gemma, get up, or I shall have to tell Mrs. Nightwing that you weren't really sick yesterday." At this I threw the blankets off, and glared up at Ann, squinting in the sunlight that streamed through the window. "Can't I be sick today, too?" I croaked, trying to give her a pleading look and squint at the same time. "No," she replied firmly."You're lucky that Mrs. Nightwing even bought that story about over enthusiastic waltzing."

At this I smiled. When I had stumbled back to Spence yesterday in nothing but a torn chemise, my body covered with bite marks and sweat, Ann had skillfully got me into our room without anybody noticing, and told Mrs. Nightwing that my absence was the result of fatigue, due to over exercising in dance class yesterday. Luckily, the headmistress has never witnessed my waltzing.

Surprisingly, Ann still hadn't asked me what I was doing that morning in the forest, not even when she recognized teeth marks on my neck, or while she sowed up the neckline of my chemise.

I stood up and began to get ready, surprised that I was still tired from my activities the other night. Ann watched me, already fully dressed. I stepped behind the changing wall. _For modesty's sake. _I thought. _Yeah, right. _After that morning in the woods with Kartik, modesty was the least of my worries.

I dressed quickly, wanting to get to breakfast, where Ann's eyes would be on her food, and not scrutinizing me. Finally I was ready, and we walked down the hall. As the last step of the curved staircase came into view, I rejoiced. We were almost there. Ann wouldn't have the chance to ask me where I'd been until we retired to our room at the end of the day. _Surely she'll have forgotten by then._But as we neared the double doors that led to the dining hall, Ann's voice sounded, barely more than a whisper behind me. "Where were you, Gemma?" I stopped, realizing that in my haste to be in the company of other girls, I'd advanced a few steps in front of Ann. I swallowed. _To lie, or not to lie?_I couldn't tell her the truth! Ann was my friend, but if I told her that I'd been performing carnal acts, she'd go straight to Mrs. Nightwing.

"I was attacked by a savage animal, Ann, what else?" I said, trying to lighten the mood with humour. Ann didn't laugh. "Are you going to tell me the truth?" I was startled at the bluntness of the question. I looked at her emotionless face. "I'm sorry, Ann. I can't." She resumed walking, muttering as she walked past. I only caught a few words. "Typical for her... trust..friend."

I watched her go, wishing that I could tell her. _She wouldn't understand... I'll tell her one day._I jumped, realizing that if I dawdled much longer I'd miss breakfast, and end up with cold porridge. I hurried into the hall, trying to think of ways to make it up to Ann.

Felicity's POV

I saw Ann walk into the dining hall, her usual emotionless mask cracked, revealing hurt in her brown eyes. I waved her over and waited until she was comfortable to ask her. "What's the matter, Ann? Something troubling you?" She looked at me, anger in her eyes instead of pain. "Gemma wasn't in bed all day because of waltzing," she started, spite in her voice. I had to hold back a smile. Finally, something interesting was happening around here.

"Whatever do you mean, Ann?" I said, trying to convey confusion and concern. But inside, I could feel a spark, a feeling that something was starting, something forbidden and sweet. A feeling that I hadn't felt since Pippa died. Ann looked at me, as if trying to see whether my feelings were genuine. Whatever she saw must have satisfied her, because she continued, her voice lower, flatter.

"Yesterday, well after luncheon, I found Gemma on the grounds." I pretended to be shocked. "But I thought that she was in bed all day!" Ann shook her head, clearly enjoying having me hanging on to her every word. "All she had on was her chemise." I gasped, pasting on a horrified expression. "How indecent!" Ann nodded, her eyes trusting.

"I brought her inside and put her to bed," she said, then paused, looking around to see if anyone was within hearing range, and continued in a subdued whisper. "Her chemise was ripped at the neckline, and she was covered in sweat." At this I made a disgusted face."And there were these weird dark patches on her neck." I couldn't help it. I smiled. Ann looked a me. "What's so funny, Felicity?" I wiped the grin off my face. "Nothing, Ann dear. I was just remembering an absolutely splendid joke that I heard. I shall have to tell you sometime. Anyway, go on. What else was there?"

Ann's expression was suddenly suspicious, and her eyes had a guarded look. She had picked up on my eagerness. "Oh, never mind, I'm sure they were just scratches. I really shouldn't be telling you all this, it isn't important anyway." But I wasn't about to give up that easily. "Come on Ann, it's not like there's anything else to chat about in this dreary place." Ann merely shuffled her chair further away from mine. "No, Felicity." I scowled. Just when things were getting interesting_. No matter_, I thought_, I'll get it out of her, and if not her, then Gemma_. I grinned, feeling a conspiracy coming on. Felicity the shark was back, and she'd scented blood.

Kartik's POV

I walked quickly, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, to keep my mind off of her. I shivered as I thought of what could've happened that morning. I'd expected to feel proud, after all, I had just ensured that Gemma would lead a happy life of virginity, not to mention a clean conscience. _She'll thank me one day_. I winced_. That's if she ever speaks to me again_.

I hadn't meant to hurt her, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that to her. And what about me! How could I live with myself, knowing that I'd ruined any chance that Gemma might've had as a proper wife to some rich merchant. Though, knowing Gemma, that wasn't the kind of like that she wanted to live.

_Would it really do that much harm? _I almost smacked myself on the forehead. Of course it would cause damage! I had to be a gentleman. After a short argument with my hormones, I made a decision. I would avoid her, and there would be no contact between us under any circumstances. _I have to do this, _I assured myself. _For Gemma's sake. _

Gemma's POV

I sat down next to Felicity and shoveled bacon into my mouth, trying to ignore the knowing looks that she was giving me. I saw her gaze linger on my neck, and impulsively raised my hand to feel the skin. The marks were gone by now, I was sure of it. There was no way that she could know that they had been there_. Unless... _I stopped chewing.

The notion wasn't impossible, Ann had looked a bit angered when I had refused to tell her where I'd been. _Nonsense, _my mind was saying. _Ann isn't a gossip!_Suddenly I felt Felicity's gaze on me. I looked up, realizing that Ann musn't be as trustworthy as I had thought.

Fee was looking at me intently, as if she was trying to tear me appart with those sharp gray eyes. I shuddered. There was no watery quality about those eyes now. Fee was back.

"Gemma, darling, I know that waltzing really does take it out of you, but please refrain from being piggish." Normally I would have blushed at the comment, but I just stared at Felicity. She noticed my astonished expression and smirked.

I swallowed hard, wondering how much I should tell her, or whether to tell her anything. She leaned in, lowering her mouth to my ear. "So, do you have anything to tell me?" I shook my head vigorously, trying not to meet her eyes. She moved away, shooting me an angry look as she finished her eggs. I followed her example, scraping my plate clean before walking to the church for vespers.

I gazed at forest as I passed. Instantly I was reminded of the secret that I was keeping, the things that had happened there. I whipped my head around as I neared the church, trying to focus on the soft thudding of my boots on the wet, glistenng grass, still wet with dew. An ominous shiver ran down my back. _He's here._I turned back towards the forest, my back stiffening as I saw a flash of black between the trees. But it was gone in a moment, as was the feeling that I was being watched. Slowly, I turned around, quickening my pace as the wooden double doors loomed closer. I tried to push him out of my mind, but a single thought fought it's way into my brain. _Where is he?_

**Please review! Next chapter should be a lime/lemon. Anyway I'd like to know if you think that I should include any other couples in this story, like Ann/Tom or Felicity and someone. Oh, and are my chapters long enough? Mwah. Love you all. **


	5. Broken Trust

**Okay a few dirty thoughts/memories, but not any action. Please review!!**

Kartik's POV

I strolled along one of the many narrow paths that had been carved into the forest over the years. The sun was high in the sky, it's rays warming the top of my head. It was a beautiful day, with almost no breeze and a slight moisture in the air, promising even warmer days in the summer. I should have been letting my thoughts wander, filling the part of a carefree cajoler enjoying a warm spring day, but all I could think of was her.

I could see her in my mind's eye, that pale, freckled skin flushed with heat, her olive green eyes staring at me, daring me to do something unimaginable. Looking back on that moment, I couldn't believe that I'd actually considered it. _But you didn't, _I reminded myself._ You were strong, and you made the right choice._But however much I patted myself on the back for refusing, there was still a part of me, however small, that still wanted her. I'd push that part back, using the clean, pure, water of common sense to douse the growing flames of my passion.

But soon enough, it would spark again, and it would grow, feeding off of the arousing images that appeaered in my mind at night. Gemma sprawled on the ground her mane of fire around her head, conrasrting with the coarse green of the new grass. Her pale hands, reaching down into her vagina, exposing the soft pink folds, glistening with that sweet wetness. Her arms pushing her breasts upwards, making delicously round bulges on her chest. And the look in her eyes, a look that demanded that I do it, and pleading that I do it now. Her rounds lips forming the words that almost pushed me over the edge. _"Please, Kartik."_The flow of memories stopped as I realized where I was. The trees ended a few feet away, and the church lay ahead, it's grand double doors and tall spires looking picturesque in the green spring morning.

The sound of boots thumping steadily reached my ears I moved forwards, gliding silently to the edge of the trees. Gemma appeared, coming from the main building of Spence, her expression troubled. I inhaled sharply as I saw her lithe body moving in a way so familiar, yet different from that night. I took my eyes from her body and examined her face.

Those beautiful eyes were a swirling depth a pain and distrust, while her fine features were a mixture a pity and doubt. I looked at her young face and wondered how she could be the same girl that had been so fierce that morning. Suddenly she turned her head, looking in my direction.

Without hesitating, I whipped around and jogged back into the safety of the forest. I could feel her gaze sweeping the trees, trying to see what lay behind them. I stopped and bent over my hands on my knees.

_Stay away, _I told myself. _Keep her safe._

Ann's POV

I risked a glance at Felicity, trying to hold back my disgust. _She's a vulture._Why had I told her so much? I'd been feeling sorry for myself, that's why. Gemma hadn't wanted to tell me, and I'd thrown a tantrum and spilled the beans to the grey eyed hawk beside me. I'd been so caught up in self pity that I had forgotten that Fee was a huge gossip. _She'd kill her own mother for a good rumour._I finished my breakfast and slipped out of the hall, deciding to tell Felicity that it had all been a lie to get attention. I had to make it up to Gemma. She knew that I'd told, judging by the furious look that she'd thrown me and the way that she'd stormed out of the hall, heading to vespers early, a first for a girl that was generally late for everything.

I shook my head as I saw her a ways ahead of me, entering the church. Gemma never could hold a grudge, but she had looked _extremely _mad... _Oh well, _I thought. _What's done is done, and I'll just have to wait and see. _But after it all, I still couldn't help but wonder. _What really happened in the forest? _

Felicity's POV

I peered closer at the light skin of Gemma's neck, trying to discern the marks that the gullible idiot sitting beside me had told me about. Whatever they were, they were gone.

I leaned in to Gemma and whispered, "So, do you have anything to tell me?" Gemma looked genuinely scared as she shook her head without meeting my eyes. Whatever she was doing, it was big. Big and dangerous. The kind of thing that a proper lady would _not _do.

In fact, I had no idea what the marks could have been, but it didn't matter. It was a secret. And I, Felicity, love a good secret.

Gemma's POV

All I wanted to do was run into the forest and find him. But how could I, when he didn't want me? My brain still couoldn't acept that he didn't feel the same way. Whenever I remembered that morning, a flush crept into my cheeks as I realized how foolish I'd been.

I hadn't cared if Kartik wanted it, I'd just done anything to get it, regardless of his feelings. There was a tiny part of me that nursed a less heart-breaking idea. _Maybe he really does care. Maybe he only refused to protect you. _

But it could be true. Kartik had just used that as an excuse because he was too kind hearted to say the words. _I don't love you._I sighed as I heaved the doors open, revealing empty pews and a minister fumbling to hide the communion wine that he was sipping. "I- I'll be with you in a moment. J- just testing the wine." I ignored him and sat heavily in the back pew, staring at the floorboards as he inched into the back of the church. _Nobody wants to be around me. Or in me._I sat, motionless, as Ann entered the chuch, slipping into the pew beside me. Neither of us said a word as the other girls filed into the church, chatting lowly. I didn't bother to make conversation. Ann knew that I knew what she'd done. She looked at the back of the next pew, her dull eyes tracing the grain of the light wood.

Throughout the whole service, an hour at least of mumbling things that we did not mean, one words rested on my lips, one that slipped by as I walked past Ann and out of the church. "Traitor."

**Next chapter should have a bit more sex, so things will get a bit faster. Ummm, I haven't been getting too many reviews but thanks to kelli, politik780, Rebecca, and others, but I can't name you all because that would mean combing through my massive amount of email. :P **


	6. TO ALL READERS

**TO ALL READERS**

**PLEASE HANG IN THERE.**

**I HAVEN'T GIVEN UP ON THIS STORY YET.**

**YOU CAN EXPECT A NEW CHAPTER TOMORROW OR THE DAY AFTER.**

**NEXT CHAPTER HAS LEMONS.**

**OH- AND I LOVE YOU ALL. **


	7. Confessions

**May be cheesy to some people, but not too bad. I hope. LEMONS. (Also my longest chapter by far!)**

**Gemma's POV**

I lay in bed, staring a the ceiling. I'd been so tired during the day, but when night finally came, sleeping was impossible. Naturally, my thoughts strayed to him.

I would've given anything to know that he felt the same way, but it was a dream, a fantastical idea floating around my head on gossamer wings. Kartik had made it clear that he didn't love me, didn't care for me, and I had to respect his feelings. But was that really right, if it meant ignoring my own?

An idea struck me. I would go for a short walk in the woods, to calm myself down. I wouldn't go anywhere near the Gypsy camp, just a short midnight stroll, with no ulterior motives._No ulterior motives. Hear that, Gemma?  
_

I tip toed to the door and opened it slowly, praying that Brigid had oiled the hinges lately and they would swing noiselessly. No such luck. A short, but loud creak echoed in our room and leaked out into the hallway.

I froze. Ann shuffled around a bit in her bed and mumbled something. I waited for what seemed like hours. Then, I slipped into the hallway, shutting the door softly behind me.

**Kartik's POV**

I tossed the blanket off, itching at my skin where the rough cotton had irritated it. What was wrong? Most nights, I slept like a rock.

The answer swam in my head, looking up at me with those big, green eyes. I sighed. How was I supposed to resist her if she kept popping up in my head like this?

I sat up, holding my head while the blood rushed down. I stepped out of the tent, testing the air. It had been humid during the day, and the air was still quite warm. " Okay, Kartik," I said, trying to convince myself that I wasn't going anywhere near Spence. "You don't even have to go far from camp. Just a few minutes, then you're back in your tent, away from Gemma."

Oh, how wrong a person can be.

**Gemma's POV**

I walked slowly, taking deep breaths. In through the nose, out through the mouth. I dragged a large stick behind me, making a trail in the dirt so that I could find my way back. An owl hooted above me, just waking up.

A twig snapped somewhere in the trees, making my heart skip a beat. I began to walk faster, getting the feeling that I was being watched. A bird sqwuacked and flapped it's wings wildly, making a ruckus in the calm night. That was enough to get me running. I sprinted through the trees, their branches whipping my face angrily.

I didn't know where I was going, but I tried to keep my panic under control and keep the end of the stick on the ground so that I wouldn't get lost. My foot caught on a twisted tree root and I was thrown to the ground, crying out as my ankle twisted. The sound echoed through the forest, causing more birds to stir in their nests.

I lay there for a moment, breathing heavily from exhaustion and pain. I felt the ground around me, groping for the stick, which I had lost hold of in my fall.

Finally my fingers brushed the knotted wood. I pulled it to myself, using it to help me stand. I leant on it for support, staring into the dark. After a moment, I transfered some of my weight onto my left leg, wincing at the pain, but staying steady. I gradually took all of my weight off of the stick.  
My foot was throbbing gently, but the pain was subsiding, slowly but surely. I was about to throw the stick away, since I was hopelessly lost anyway. My trail could be anywhere, in any direction, and finding it would be a miracle now.

But as I laboriously lifted my arm, preparing to toss it as far as possible, a twig broke in the trees. Much louder than last time, it was obviously closer and the branch that had broken sounded substantially larger. Large enough that an animal such as a bird or rat couldn't have the body weight to snap it.

I froze and shifted slowly into a defensive position, brandishing the stick with both hands. The forest was silent.

**Kartik's POV**

I looked at my feet as I walked, trying to think of something other than her.

The camp was going to move in a month or two, but packing hadn't started. There was nothing to do all day but wander the forest and day dream about Gemma.

I glanced at the sun, noting that it would sink below the horizon in an hour or two. By then, I would be back in my tent, sleeping peacefully after a nice walk in the forest that had nothing to do with Gemma.

Wrong again.

**Gemma's POV**

I kept the stick in front of me, ready to swing it if anything came out of the trees in front of me.

My heart was beating wildly in my chest, filling my ears and drowning out the sound of bare feet padding unknowingly through the forest towards me.

**Kartik's POV**

I veered off of my path onto a well worn forest trail, it's powdery dirt packed down by years of deer and forest wildlife. My feet seemed to sink into the grooves that covered the path. Birds chattered high above me and squirrels darted through the brush, their coppery pelts flashing in and out of sight.

I turned off of the path, heading towards one of my favourite places to think, relying now on memory to guide me. I approached the tiny clearing with a fallen log where I liked to sit and let my mind wander on warm nights like this. I stepped into the clearing, a spring in my step now that the sounds of the forest had calmed my mind and soothed my heart; and stopped dead.

Standing in the middle of my special place, looking scared half to death, was the very thing that I'd came here to avoid.

**Gemma's POV**

I gaped at the person that had stepped out of the trees, seeming to glide out of the foliage like a phantom. He stood there, staring at me, as if trying to piece together a particularly difficult puzzle. Those big brown eyes were wide with surprise and his arms hung at his sides.

Out of his perfect mouth came one word, his voice sounding like the song of an angel to my ears. "Gemma." I swallowed, allowing my grip on the stick to loosen. He looked at it warily and I dropped it, not even looking downwards as it rolled away, hitting the trunk of a nearby tree.

I licked my lips and kept my eyes on his face, trying to decode the emotions hidden in the single word. I was surprised to recognize fear, as if I was the last person he had wanted to see here. The crack in my heart deepened as I realized that he really hadn't wanted to see me ever again.

I managed to croak a word out, my voice sounding hoarse and strange to my own ears. "Kartik." I saw him swallow, followed his Adam's apple as it moved up his throat. I moistened my lips again, trying to find words.

I'd just managed to put together a comment that would break the awkward silence, when he spoke again. "I- I didn't know you were here. I should.... I should go." I felt my eyes start to sting at his words. He seemed so desperate to get away from me. He turned to leave, and I didn't move, but when he took a step back into the cover of the forest, I jumped, realizing that he was about to walk away from me. I couldn't let that happen, not again.

"Wait," I said, surprising myself. "I have to talk to you." He halted, and the relieved look on his face disappeared. I saw just how much he wanted to get away from me. "Fine. Leave!" I said, my voice raising. "Go! I know that you hate me, and I can't stand to see it, so just leave!" Now I was yelling, and tears flowed freely from my eyes. "Leave and never come back to me! Go ahead, I know that's what you want to do! You want to leave and escape me! You want to get away from this physco that you don't love back!" I stopped myself in mid rant, catching my breath.

His expression was shocked, as if he was amazed that I could read the emotions on his face when he looked at me. I tried to stop myself, but the anger was red hot, fueling my words. "You hate me! I can see it on your face, Kartik. You want nothing more than to get away from me, from the way that I love you to much to stand! Just leave! Go away, you bastard! You stupid son of a bitch that couldn't care less about my feelings!"

I fell to my knees, my voice cracking and tears covering my face. I prayed that he would go, just get out of my life and stop hurting me like this. But when I looked up, he was still there, staring with his mouth wide open and his eyes the size of dinner plates.

Had he thought that I was stupid enough not to notice that he couldn't wait to get away from me? I glared at him, my vision blurred by salty tears. Why was he still standing there, looking at me as if the thought that I knew all of this was mind blowing. He gaped for a moment, his mouth shaping words, but no sound coming from them.

He looked so shocked, and I hated him for it. He hadn't even tried to hide his desperation to escape me, and now he was amazed that I had noticed the regret in his eyes every time he looked at me. I tore my gaze away from him, feeling my heart shrivel and crack as I looked at him.

This was the worst kind of torture, having to watch the person you love turn away, shun you, not feeling a shred of emotion for the ache in your chest. I wanted to keep yelling, to scream at him even longer, if only so satisfy the anger at myself that brewed in my heart, calling me foolish for believing in things like true love, things that came out of fairy tales and clouded the minds of young girls. Girls like me.

But however much I wanted to, my throat was dry as sand.

**Kartik's POV**

I struggled to find words as she screamed at me, telling me to leave, to admit that I didn't love her. There was pain in her eyes as she yelled at me, her horrible lies spreading through the forest, causing birds to fly out of their homes and into the darkening sky.

She looked so broken, so hopeless as she lay there on the ground, beating at the grass as she cried. How could she say those things? Did she really believe that I hated her? That she was the _last _person I wanted to be with? That I didn't feel the same burning passion for her that she spoke of?

I couldn't leave her there, thinking that I didn't love her, pounding the ground in frustration.  
But I couldn't give in, couldn't allow her to believe the lies that she told.

I watched her for a moment, cursing my stupidity. Had it really been so obvious that I was afraid of her? _Stupid, stupid Kartik._I'd spent my whole life perfecting the ability to hide my emotions, to put on a stony mask and lie with a straight face. The ability had been useful on more than one occasion, but now I couldn't even hide my feelings from an simple girl, younger than me by a year at least? I'd been told more than once that my eyes often gave me away.

Finally I realized that I had to do something about Gemma. Her relentless pounding had ceased, leaving a brown spot on the earth where the grass was flattened and torn. She was glaring at me now, her olive eyes piercing my armor, boring deep wholes into my soul. I couldn't bear to see the hate in her eyes, the cruel determination that I'd never expected to be directed at me.

I took a faltering step towards her. Her face didn't change, but those big, accusing eyes narrowed. Another step, and another. _Thump, thump, _across the forest floor. Then, as I was near enough to reach out and touch her, she rose.

Now it was my turn to be suspicious. I shifted position a bit, bending my knees ever so slightly. If she was planning to kick me again, I'd be ready.

Just the memory made me cringe. It had happened two times already, and I wasn't about to make it three. Suddenly her eyes widened, and I risked a glance behind me, wondering why she looked like that.

And then, seemingly in a fit a insanity, she burst out laughing.

**Gemma's POV**

I felt my eyes go wide as he assumed a defensive position. What was he planning? Hadn't he hurt me enough already?

Then it came to me, as I noted how he turned to the side slightly, looking ready to spring away. He thought I was going to try to kick him, like last time! I giggled, realizing that he must be pretty paranoid by now. Then I was laughing, looking at the bewildered look on his face and forgetting my sadness.

I tried to explain myself between bouts of laughter. "Kartik... Kartik, I'm not going to hurt you!" He relaxed his position a bit and chuckled, while I giggled away, the silliness of the whole situation getting to me. Soon we were giggling together, rolling around in the grass, trying to catch our breath. "You know Kartik, you... you should be afraid of me! I've given you quite.. quite a beating!"

This brought on more laughter, and my eyes filled with tears, and though I was crying because of Kartik, these were happy tears. I dont' know how long we giggled for, but we ended up sitting beside each other on the grass, trying not to look at eachother, because every time we did, we'd grin from ear to ear like fools and laugh some more.

Then we were just gazing at each other, smiling as the sun finally began to lower itself in the sky. Then we were hugging, locked in a warm embrace in the grass. I cried for no reason, thinking of how much I love him and all the things that we had to laugh about. His smell wafted around me reminding me of cinnamon and India, and dosa, the bread that Sarita used to make for us.

I breathed in again, wanting to hold on to this moment forever, the warm spring air, the sound of birds flying overhead, going back to their nest after a long day. I let myself drift in his smell, and lean into his arms. Just being around him made me giddy, and I wished that I could preserve the feeling of belonging that blanketed me, making me wriggle in delight and sigh with happiness.

His voice deep and caring, drifted into my mind and bounced around in my head, four words making me happier than I'd ever felt. "I love you, Gemma."I wanted to bath in those words, to wear them every day and flaunt this feeling like a new pair of gloves. But this was better than a million pairs of gloves. This was a million times better than a million pairs of gloves.

I let the truth out, feeling a great weight lift off of my shoulders as I said the words with just as much feeling as him. "I love you, Kartik."

I felt his warm hands on my cheeks, gently moving my head from his shoulder so that he could meet my eyes. I stared into those deep pools of brown, like melted chocolate, and relished the feeling of looking into his eyes and knowing that he loved me. I felt like shouting it to the world, declaring my feelings to all of the proper ladies of Spence.

I giggled as I tried to summon a picture of Mrs. Nightwing's horrified face. But naturally, I couldn't because her features tend to be devoid of all emotion.

Kartik looked confused for a moment, then the lopsided smile that I love so much graced his full lips. "You're a mystery, Gemma." I smiled with him, thinking that I'd better explain. But then he pressed his lips to mine, and naturally my mind became unable to form any coherent thought. I tilted my head slightly and kissed him back, loving his taste and how warm his mouth was against mine.

At the time, I was convinced that there was no way to top that moment, the feeling of pure bliss that spread over my body, warming me to my toes and leaving tingles all over my skin. Then we were kissing even more passionately, battling each other with our lips, his tongue was massaging the inside of my mouth, and I relished the feeling, giving him free rein before pushing back.

Though I was happy letting him explore me, there was still a part of my mind that wanted to be dominant. I felt him smile against me, no doubt finding my insistance amusing. I growled lightly, but I couldn't help smiling.

Then his hands were on my hips, their fierce warmth pulsing through the cotton of my chemise. Briefly I wondered why I was always partially naked when I encountered him, but I forgot about the strange coincidence when he lowered his mouth to my neck and began nipping and sucking. I moaned and writhed, causing us to unbalance and topple into the grass.

He was on top of me, pinning me to the ground, with his tongue back to wreaking havoc in my mouth. I was getting hot like last time, and there was that tingling feeling down there again.

But this wouldn't be like last time. I needed Kartik, and he wasn't going to walk away again.

**Kartik's POV**

There was my conscience again, telling my to leave like last time. But the sounds that Gemma was making.... well, lets just say that she was louder. I could see that she wasn't going to let it be like last time. I could _feel _it too. She was almost as hot as me.

Slowly I rubbed my hand up her side, bunch the fabric and pulling it upwards. I heard a sharp intake of breath when I reached her hip. I stopped my hand and looked at her. She nodded at me, almost impatiently. I brought y other hand down from her cheek and lifted the other side to. I expected her to tense up like last time when I pulled her only clothing off, but she just lowered her hands and began to inch down my trousers, her tongue flicking mine while she did it.

I chuckled as she struggled to perform the task while pinned under my weight. Finally she gave a little scream of impatience and put her hands on my chest, heaving me up and off of her. I landed with a thump in the grass, my breath leaving my lungs in a whoosh.

She climbed onto me, straddling my hips. Next thing I knew, my pants had been whipped off and her face was inches from mine. Her eyes were large and lusty, and for a moment, I was scared of what was going to happen. The moment passed and she was back down, pulling my shirt up a bit slower than necessary. She was rubbing every part of herself on my stomach as she moved upwards, and I shivered as she ran her tongue up the line of hair. Then she was on my chest, her breasts, which seemed much larger than I remembered them, were being rubbed in circles on my chest, the softness of her untouched skin feeling like warm air on slick body.

Then I could feel her wetness on my stomach, her back arching as she pressed on my abdomen, leaving a wet sheen on my taught skin. Then it was on my chest, sliding every which way and leaving me breathless. I could hear my voice, coming from far away, pleading hoarsely. "Higher.." I could imagine the devilish grin that would be on her face as she listened to me beg. But at the moment, I wasn't too worried about injuring my pride.

She started upwards, and a trail of wetness escaped as she neared my collarbone rolling and flowing onto my neck.

Then, she zipped back down. I groaned loudly, yelling into the trees, "Gemma.." She slid back upwards, and I felt my mouth open wider in anticipation.

The she was back down, and back up, and down, and up. The torture continued for a few seconds longer before I grabbed her hips and pulled her upwards. It was my turn.

**Gemma's POV**

I watched his face as I let myself leak onto him. He looked like an angel. A tortured, horny, sexy angel.

I knew that he wanted me to go higher, to let him put his tongue inside me, but I wasn't ready to give up my position of power just yet. But it wasn't like I couldn't see that he was getting desperate. The second he locked his hands on my hips, I knew that my turn was over. He pulled me back up and got his tongue into my opening.

I gasped as he licked at the liquid that my core was soaking with, then he was diving farther, his tongue penetrating my insides. My knees were on either side of his head, and I fell forward a bit, so that I was on all fours. With every barrier that he penetrated, I jerked, my back arching as I moaned and groaned with him. His long arms reached up and cupped my breasts, pushing and squeezing, reminding me of the way that Sarita used to knead the dough with her wrinkled fists.

He kept lick and kneading, licking and kneading. Then he was biting and flick, biting and flicking. I was practically screaming now. This was perfect!

Oh, if dowdy little Ann, could see me now. I felt a bit of pity for her, knowing that she'd never experience this kind of joy with Tom.  
My back arched more, and the pleasure blotted out thoughts of her. She could wait for her turn at happiness. This was about me and Kartik.

At the moment my idea of heaven was living my dreams in India with Kartik. He was doing amazing things with his mouth, and all of the feelings coursing through me were too much to keep up with. Sometimes there was nothing that I wanted more than for the sweet torture to stop, and then I was soaking it up, my body convulsing involuntarily. I realized that I was going to release into Kartiks mouth. Our sounds grew louder- particularily mine, and his warm hands held onto my breasts even tighter as I felt the wetness flow from my center, like a dam breaking, I screamed with insane happiness and relief as the building pleasure was released.

Unlike last time, I felt no embarassment. If he had a problem with it, he would've, or could've pulled away. I collapsed, breathing heavily into the grass. After a moment, took his hands off of my breasts and pulled me back down to his level by the waist.

Our lips collided, and I knotted my hands in his curls as we experimented with each other.

My breathing was coming in short, loud bursts as I tried to kiss Kartik without stopping for the petty action of breathing. Our bodies seemed intwined now, our lips locked, forming around each other, and his hands on the small of my back, making soft circles that moved downwards steadily.

It was like our legs were tangled, and I felt the hardnest of his erection brushing or pressing against my leg more than once. Every time I felt my breath come in sharply, as well as his. Finally, after it rubbed rather roughly against a spot of skin dangerously close to my opening, His breath hitched and I pulled my lips from his slowly, meeting his eyes.

His brown ones were a mirror of mine. They were wide, and passion swirled in clouds, making our love obvious. And instead of just lust for me, I could see how much he cared.

Strangely enough, that was the instant that I realized fully why he'd left me that morning. Of course, if I'd still believed that I was out of hate for me, I would be back at Spence, feeling bad for myself.

I'd understood that he had his reasons, but now the motives were clear. He thought that if we made love, we'd come to look back on it as a bad thing. He thought that I'd regret it, and that somehow my future husband would find out and declare me unmarriageable.

Well, something like that.

Anyway, I had to let him know that I wanted this, and that I knew the consequences if somebody found out. Worst case scenario, a teacher's pet (Cecily Temple, for example), somehow catches wind of my carnal actions and informs Mrs. Nightwing, who will inform my family, who will perhaps try to deny the claim, before giving up and swiftly chopping off my branch of the family tree.

Actually, nobody would have to be a teacher's pet to think that Gemma Doyle no longer being a virgin was an ecxellent piece of gossip. And it wasn't like Tom would defend me for long. Everybody new that in the legal world, the more actions are denied, the likelier that they are true.

_Anyway, you never know with that Gemma Doyle. A strange one, that child. Too rebellious to make a good housewife. I wouldn't be surprised if she lost her innocence to an _Indian _boy._

I almost cringed at all of the things that could go wrong, but instead returned my attention to Kartik. I shifted on top of him, purposefully rubbing against him as I did. He caught the hint and yet again, worry clouded his eyes. "Gemma, are you really sure?" I nodded, trying not tot look impatient.

This was starting to look a lot like last time. "Please Kartik, there's nothing I want more." At this his expression cleared, and I could tell that he knew the feeling.

Taking a deep breath, he kissed me again, and I could feel his muscles relaxing under me. He was going to go through with it! I kissed him back, loving the feel of our exposed skin touching and rubbing. "OK," he whispered, and rolled us over a few times so that he was back on top. Our lips crashed together once again, and I barely noticed my thighs being moved apart gently by his knee. My breathing quickened, my chest rising and falling steadily as tension rose.

I kept kissing him, fierce in my eagerness to find out what happened next.

**Kartik's POV**

I tried to be gentle with her, because what happened next would be totally new to us both. My doubts had vanished ages ago, as I listened to her telling me that she wanted his more than anything. That she wanted _me _more than anything.

Her green eyes were wide, only a few shades lighter than the grass that surrounded us. Her skin chest seemed luminescent as I kissed her softly, sparing a glance at her perfect porcelain breasts. What a dream.

I was sure of what I was going to do now. She knew all too well what could happen, and it was a risk that we were both willing to take. So many nights of her dreaming that she floated into my tent, her fiery curls a glowing halo around her face.

I'd imagined this moment, in both the waking and the sleeping world.

I cupped her left breast in my hand, applying small pressure as I massaged her skin, smooth as silk and white as milk. Lazily, I rolled her nipple with my thumb, pushing softly as I flicked and twisted moaning with her as she bit my lip softly and ground herself against my abdomen. Briefly I wondered how she knew how to do this to me, to play me like an instrument made just for her hands.

Then my thoughts were lost to passion, and I concentrated on doing a deed that would brand Gemma for life. How badly, and how ravaging to her social life it would be, remained a mystery.

**Gemma's POV**

He was teasing me deliciously, working my body in ways that had never occurred to me, or crossed my mind as I thought of him. I was satisfied with kissing him right now, listening to his guttural moans, but I rubbed my wet core against him as a gentle reminder he knew that I wasn't about to let him forget about what I wanted.

His hand moved from my left breast to my right, leaving it cold without the warmth of his hand for a moment, before slowly lowering his mouth to it.

I writhed and twisted as he took my nipple between his teeth and rolled it as he had with his fingers, but this was far better, I decided as he ran his tongue along the surrounding skin, sucking at it with rising pressure.

I was practically pushing my breasts into his face as I arched and twisted, groaning as I felt the need for him growing and pulsing, making me even wetter as I begged for him to take me. Finally he finished and moved towards the other one, but I stopped him, needing the real thing. "Now, Kartik," I groaned.

He glanced into my eyes briefly, and in a flash, those amazing brown eyes were level with mine, framed by long, fluttering lashes. I took in the sight of his sculpted features, his full mouth, slightly open as he panted, his breathing in synch with mine.

"Take me, Kartik," I breathed, "I can't stand it anymore." I considered wrapping my legs around him to keep him here, but I'd decided long ago that if this was really going to happen, it had to be of his own free will. He held my gaze for a moment, then pressed his lips to mine once again. A warm tongue entered my mouth and I moaned uncontrollably, making animalistic sounds.

My legs widened more, more out of instinct than insistence. I screamed as he entered me.

My whole body was being stretched to the limit, and for several seconds I was screeching at the top of my lungs, unable to form words.

Finally I lowered my head, biting into his shoulder to stem my voice. Kartik had his hands on either side of us, his breathing shallow as he slowly pulled out of me.

My lungs filled with heated air as I felt like groaning from the loss. Then he slammed back into me, making me squeal again, finally recognizing the insane pleasure that lay beneath the pain. Then he was moving in and out, in and out, grunting as we picked up speed, our hips smacking together as I met his thrusts.

"Gemma... you're so wet.." His words were a low grumble as he struggled to speak instead of moan, like I was. "You're so blasted tight." The pain was gone now, and I felt myself relax, the muscles that I'd squeezed tight around his penis slacking a bit, making passage easier.

We were going at a steady beat, our screams ringing out with every hit. "I... I'm so.. full," I wheezed. "You're.. you're a big guy, Kartik."

He replied with a high groan as we hit a sweet spot. Then his thrust became faster, and faster, and everything was a frenzied blur as I dug my nails into the dirt, then into his back as I struggled to keep a hold on the world through all of the ecstasy.

My legs were wrapped around his waist, though now I wasn't in the least bit worried about him leaving, not if he was feeling the same thing that I was, and I dug my heels into the small of his back, moving them up and down.

"Oh my god, Gemma.... Gemma!" He was yelling now, and I screamed as we reached impossible speeds. "Kartik, I can't take this! It's so much!" The pressure was unbearable, and I felt the impending release, becoming more and more inevitable with each hit and moan.

He was sliding smoothly in and out, the length of his penis wet and sopping. We were made for each other, our bodies molded into one being. I couldn't even feel the roughness of the grass beneath us. Then again, I could be on a bed of nails and not notice as long as Kartik was inside me.

He was breathing heavily into my shoulder, his breath constant against my heated skin.

The heat was unbearable.

I swallowed gulps of the air frantically, making is seem difficult to breath the steaming air that surrounded us in a steaming aura of perfection.

"Kartik! Kartik, I love you and I'm almost done."

He cupped my breast, squeezing it rhythmically with each thrust into me.

I screamed, and found my release.

Everything erupted, making me convulse and scream, long and hard, into the night. Stars shot from everything blinding me and sparking out behind my eyelids.

Then, as I came down, he yelled so loud that it filled my head and drowned out all other sounds. He cummed into me, and warmth shot up into my body, leaving me tingling everywhere. I was back up on the high, screaming and laughing and crying with at all of the perfection that filled me.

More stars, filling my vision, and a million colours flashing, all in a strangely beautiful rainbow that grew and grew until it exploded, and I came back down.

Kartik had collapsed on top of me, still inside me. He began to pull out and I grabbed him, moaning in protest. We half rolled until we lay on our sides, my legs still around him and his penis still filling me deliciously. Slowly he brought his hand up and lifted my chin so that our eyes met. Then he kissed me, softly, without any of the fierce needing that had occurred before the wonderful action. "I love you, Gemma."

My heart fluttered from sheer happiness as I whispered "I love you so much, Kartik." In reply. When he pulled out this time, I didn't try to stop him.

He lifted me up, and I managed to wobble to my chemise and slip it on shakily, still half delirious from the feelings.

He pulled his clothes on too, and we stood, facing each other. I loved him so much, it was _too _much. No, that wasn't right. Any less and it wouldn't be perfection. I looked into those perfect eyes, and understanding passed between us. This would not be the last time. "Tomorrow," he said, firmly. I nodded, knowing that to wait any longer would be madness. Then, we turned on our heels, and parted. I walked back to Spence, my mind a kaleidoscope, as the light of dawn broke the horizon.

**PLEASE review and tell me what you think. That was my first actual sex scene, and I hope that it didn't suck too bad. Everyone has been great and I've had a million great reviews. Well, not quite, but close enough. Please tell me if you think that this chapter is a better length than the others. OK, I think that's it, and you rock!**


	8. ATTENTION READERS AGAIN

**ATTENTION READERS**

**I have not given up on you. I deserted for a while, but thanks to some reviews that I got on one of my stories, I'm back in business. Please hang in there, I'm now totally dedicated to finishing this story. You guys have been so supportive, and I'm writing this fic for you now. I started it, and I'm finishing it. Special thanks to 13, who wrote me many long and spirit lifting reviews. There are many others that helped, but I've got a story to write, so I won't list them right now.**

**I LOVE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART. **

**YOU INSPIRED ME. 3**


	9. Questions & Partings

**Alright! I hope you guys missed me, cause if you didn't then I've failed as a writer. ENJOY!**

* * *

I risked a glance at Ann to find her staring at me again, not even averting her watery eyes as she wiped her ever running nose.

She'd been giving me suspicious looks all morning and I was beginning to wonder if she really had been awake when I'd slipped into our room, the first rays of sunlight glowing through the curtains. No, that wasn't possible.

Her snoring had been as consistent as ever, and I'd taken great care not to make any noise as I drifted over to my bed and slipped under the covers.

Her lumpy shape hadn't so much as twitched, even when the door hinges had squeaked loudly as I entered the room, and Ann was such a deep sleeper, I seriously doubted that something like that would awaken her from her much needed beauty sleep.

I was doing a good job of ignoring Ann's blatant surveillance, but my skin itched as I felt Felicity's steely gaze on me as well, as if I was a complex puzzle that needed to be solved.

_Nonsense_, I assured myself_. They're not looking at you any more than normal_.

I cleared my throat and looked straight ahead, trying to concentrate on the gargling strings of French that Madmioselle LeFarge was repeating, nodding with approval as the girls mirrored them perfectly, their backs straight, and their dainty hands folded neatly on their laps.

I looked down at my hands, which I had always considered to be too broad and boyish, like the rest of my body.

A warm feeling blossomed in my stomach as I remembered that there was someone that thought otherwise_. Kartik_.

At the thought of him, the feeling spread into warm tingles all over my body as I remembered last night. A guilty smile fought it's way onto my face, the same knowing grin that I'd been trying to keep at bay ever since I'd woken up that morning.

I remembered the feel of his warm lips on mine, his hand cupped against me as we lay in the clearing, kissing and touching and whispering to each other. Looking back, our actions almost didn't seem real, like some other brave and reckless Gemma had lost her virginity last night.

It was too good to be true, honestly.

"Miss Doyle!" barked Madmioselle LeFarge, startling my pleasant thoughts away.

"Quelles sont vos pensées sur le changement du Parlement, Mlle Doyle ? Ou êtes-vous jour trop occupé rêvant de s'inquiéter de ces genres de choses ?" I felt the blood rush to my face as I shifted in my seat, trying to make sense of the words.

I recognized the French word for dreaming, and my thoughts were confirmed as the girls tittered and whispered, looking at me with wide eyes. . _Something about Parliament._I took a deep breath and answered slowly, sounding out the difficult words. " Je pense.... qu'il a faim, mais une bonne.. chose pour avoir un.... dauphin au Parlement." I smiled lightly, glad that I'd managed to translate her question well enough to know that she was asking about my thought on the change in Parliament.

But the smile was whipped from my face as I listened to the girls giggling even louder now, and Cecily Looking at me with a smug grin. Madmoiselle LeFarge was glaring at me, looking like she'd love to wrap her pudgy hands around my neck.

"Miss Doyle, I'd like a word after class." I swallowed, realizing that I'd just said that it was a hungry decision to put a dolphin in Parliament. "I-what I meant was: Je pense qu'il est un risqué, mais bonne décision pour mettre un hom- er, femme, au Parlement."

At this Madmoiselle LeFarge's lips relaxed a bit as she allowed herself a small smile.

"Bon. Good. See that you keep practicing, Miss Doyle." I let out the breath that I'd been holding and tried not to let my mind wander again.

But his voice drifted back to me, drowning out all of the chatter and noise. It sounded so real, as if I was back in the forest, the warmth of his body pressed against mine, his voice husky as he uttered three life changing words in my ear. _I love you. _Suddenly an elbow was driven into my side, and I was jarred out of my memories once again.

"Gemma," Felicity hissed. I wiped the giddy smile from my face and tried an innocent, nonassuming one. "Sorry, Fee. It's just so nice out." I glanced out the window to make sure that there wasn't a gale outside and turned back to her.

She was eyeing me suspiciously, with a look in her cold eyes that said_: I know you're hiding something_.

Surprisingly, she didn't pursue the topic, only turned back to the front of the room and focused on the lesson, but not before pinching my arm. Hard.

I flinched back and rubbed at the spot, hoping that she would lose interest in my strange behavior, but knowing that it was a feeble thing to wish for. If I knew Fee, she would keep nagging and searching until I gave in.

But I wasn't about to.

This was one secret that I would not share with anyone.

Not my friends,  
nor my family,  
and not anyone in between.

* * *

I jolted awake as Felicity's elbow found my side for the second time that day. She was looking at me sharply, and this time she didn't let me dream in peace.

"What is with you, Gemma?" she hissed angrily. "You've been dozing off all day!"

I blinked the sleep from my eyes and my mind faintly registered the sound of Reverend Waite's voice coming from the altar. Vespers wasn't over, then.

"I couldn't sleep last night, that's all." I replied flatly. Felicity was still glaring at me. "Why not?" I tried to look genuinely confused at her question. "I don't know! Do I have to have a reason for everything?" We stared each other down for a moment as I fought to keep my eyes open.

She sneered, achieving a snotty look. "You can't even look at me without falling asleep! Were you up all night?" She was testing me. Seeing if I could keep my facts straight. "Almost," I said tersely. "It was getting light outside." Not really a lie.

I think that she sensed this because she finally backed down and returned to mouthing along to the endless prayers. I did the same, this time determined to stay awake.

It was ridiculous how tired I was.

I'd fallen asleep towards the end of French class, waking up just in time to chorus: "Au revoir, Mademoiselle LeFarge," with the other girls and make my way out of the room in a daze.

I'd managed to stay consious for luncheon, because my hunger was greater than my need for sleep, but throughout the rest of the afternoon I'd been drifting in and out of reality. When I slept, I dreamt of him, his chestnut skin that always seemed flawless in my eyes, and the look in those phenomenal eyes of his when he told me that he loved me, and when I was awake, he intruded on my thoughts, making me slip into my own dream world where there were no Cecily Temples, no Mademoiselle LeFarges trying to better me or find my faults.

It was just Kartik and I, wrapped together in a coccoon of happiness, swirling around eachother until we merged into one, him inside me, and I inside him.

In one of the rare moments when I managed not to think of him, I grudgingly decided that there was no way that we could meet every night.

Surely somebody would notice my behavior and find me out, or somebody such as Felicity, who had already noticed, would go to lengths to find out what was making me look and act like one of the living dead. And I couldn't imagine feeling like this every day. It reminded me of the days after I'd stolen communion wine from the chapel, but without the pounding headaches.

But we couldn't stop. Already my needing for him was unbearable, and I longed for his taste, to feel him inside of me again like the perfection that had occurred last night. I would meet him tonight, and try to work something out. He would understand.

It occurred to me that he might be just as tired, but then again, he didn't have a specific wake up time like I did, or any of the tiring activities that I was entitled to.

He could sleep all day if he wanted to, I'd bet.

I almost huffed in frustration, but stopped myself to avoid drawing attention and settled with being extremely envious of him.

Vespers drew to a grinding halt and girls filed out of the wooden pews, all anxious to get to bed, but I could garuntee that none were as exhausted as me. A groan escaped my lips as I thought of waiting until every girl had gone to bed to sneak out into the woods.

I couldn't imagine staying awake for that long, or waiting to see Kartik for that long, either.

The night air was warm as I stepped out of the sweltering chapel and drifted down the steps, half asleep. Ann fell in beside me, and we walked in silence, with the occasional sniff from her, but no inquiries about my state.

Then Felicity sidled up to me, smiling deviously as she whispered in my ear, my heart sinking lower and lower with every syllable. "Don't forget your promise. We meet at midnight."

I refused to acknowledge her, instead opting to come up with a lie that would get me out of the binding that I'd laid on myself a fortnight ago, when Fee and Ann had been begging relentlessly for a trip to the realms. "I'm really tired, Fee. Couldn't we do this tomorrow?" She smirked, looking triumphant.

"No_. _You promised us Gemma, and you've been putting it off for weeks."

I growled, as the fatigue and confusion and my annoyance at Felicity for acting like I was her property built up and erupted, making my words louder and tinging them with hate.

"_I said no, _Felicity, and that's final. If you don't stop acting like it's your choice whether we go to the realms tonight, then we're _never going again. _Actually, _you're _never going again. It's my power, and I'll use it when I please." I spat the words venomously, relishing the astonished look on her face and the way her mouth formed a perfect O, as if she'd been slapped.

She closed her mouth slowly, then opened it again, as if chewing the words over, or trying to think of a smart retort to put her back on top.

Ann's dull eyes were wide, and she looked almost as shocked as Felicity. I quickened my step, pulling ahead of them and enjoying my temporary place of power. This was the kind of memory that was good to look back on when your house was full of kids and your purse fat.

Felicity Worthington speechless.  
Who would've guessed.

I struggled to keep my eyes open, telling myself that I'd regret it if I fell asleep now.

In an act of desperation, I swung my legs out of bed and drifted over to the window, resting my chin in my hands with my elbows on the sill. The sun had set hours ago, and a million pinricks of lights shone in the sky, stretching across the universe like guardians of the sky.

I could see the forest, it's broad expanse calling to me with toughts of him. Then I was tip toeing to the door and easing it open, peeking out into the hallway, my face swisting into a scowl as I saw light spilling from under one of the doors.

I slowed my breathing and ducked back into the room. _Not yet._I couldn't leave until everyone was asleep. There was a risk of getting caught if I didn't wait for the rest of Spence to shut down, and whoever it was that stubbornly insisted on staying up, they would give up eventually, or finish what they were doing this late at night. I didn't know which room it was in the darkness, but it didn't matter.

I had to hold out until they fell asleep.

I kept the thought of Kartik in my mind as motivation. If I didn't show up, he might think that I regretted last night, and God know's that that isn't true. I returned to my position at the window.

Several minutes passed in silence and I jumped when something moved in the forest. A shadow detached itself from the trees and glided softly towards the building. Towards me.

For a moment my heart beat wildly in my chest, as my brain automatically registered it as a creature from the Winterlands.

But then I saw a familiar shape emerge from the shadow as it moved closer. Broad shoulders, a cape billowing around nimble feet as he moved quickly across the grass. His identity was confirmed as a light appeared, an oil lantern being held in front of his face. It bobbed in the darkness for a moment, then it was extinguished, forcing my eyes to adjust to the darkness.

There he was again, a dark shape on the grass, moving steadily towards me.

I grinned giddily. Kartik hadn't given up on me yet.

I struggled for a moment with the catch, but finally the window came up, letting fresh air billow into the room, smelling of pine needles and earth. I stood still for a moment, my arms tensed and ready to snap the window shut if Ann stirred. But she stayed faithful and remained where she was.

I leaned out the window, scanning the darkness for him. Finally, movement closer to the building than I'd expected. "I'll be out as soon as I can," I called as loudly as I dared. "Somebody is still awake."

I felt my hair being whipped around my face by the wind, the only sound in the night.

Then, his voice called upwards, so quiet that I had to strain to catch his words. "I'll be waiting."

There was a foolish smile on my face as I crept back to the door, stepping on the balls of my feet to be as quiet as possible.

But all of my eagerness and joy vanished when I saw that the light was still on in another room. The reckless side of me wanted to burst through the door and extinguish the horrible light that was keeping me from him, but I merely closed the door softly and leant against it's strong frame, trying to figure out a way to speed the coming of sleep for whoever was costing me precious time with him.

None came to mind, and for the thousandth time that night I considered sneaking out anyway.

As long as I didn't tromp down the hallway like an elephant, the girl would stay in her room, thinking that she was the last lady of Spence to be awake. Wanting fueled the decision, and my mind caved in to his allure.

Silence hung in the air as I flashed over to the window, already imagining what we would do. I was wrestling with the frame, muttering urses under my breath when an idea struck me.

The memory of the night that Kartik had climbed in my window to warn me of the visions flashed in my mind, and I grinned as I recalled the rope cleverly hidden among the vines that crawled up the side of Spence's outer wall.

_It should still be there, shouldn't it?._It had been so long ago, yet there was still a chance.....

I gave up my fight to close the window and instead leaned out of the window once again to search for the rope.

My hands fumbled in the tangle of greenery for a moment until I felt something thicker than a vine, and scratchier too. I grinned as my fingers traced it's length up until I found a knot where it was tied to my window sill.

Perfect. Getting to Kartik would be much easier than I originally thought.

* * *

I shimmied down the last few feet of rope, trying to calculate how close the ground was, and if the distance was enough to hurt me severely if I let go of the rope. It was nigh impossible to measure distance in the dark.

Finally, I got annoyed with myself for costing Kartik and I precious time together, and let go of the rope, steeling myself for a hard landing. My body was airborne for less than a millisecond before I hit hard dirt, bottom first. My hands were still wrapped around the rope, which, when I reached downwards, ended barely a foot off of the ground.

A blush filled my cheeks as I realized that I'd spent long minutes trying to decide if I was willing to perhaps fall to my death, with my body scarcely twelve inches off the ground.

I released my death grip on the rope and got to my feet, praying that Kartik hadn't witnessed the scene. Where was Kartik, anyway?

I nearly screamed as the lantern appeared beside me, elluminating his handsome face, which was twisted into an odd expression as he struggled not to laugh. There were tears in his chocolate eyes and his mouth was set in a wavering line as he fought the urge to smile. Dimples appeared on his cheeks as he tried to keep his face locked.

I scowled at him, willing the blush on my cheeks to disappear so that I could look annoyed. My ears got hot as he burst into laughter, the tears in his eyes welling over and spilling out, rolling down his face as he mocked me. At least he hadn't abandoned caution; he was trying to laugh as quietly as possible at my stupidity.

I clenched my fists at my side, trying to look dignified and controlled, but in the end I just got angrier.

Finally Kartik's laughter ceased and there was silence in the night. He finally managed to wipe the idiotic grin off of his face and looked at me as if seeing my anger for the first time. I glared at him, trying to look as hurt as possible.

"I'm sorry Gemma. It- it was pretty funny, though." Then he lapsed into giggles again for the better part of a minute, holding his middle as if in pain. I scowled at him and ground my teeth to stop myself from saying anything that I might regret. When he didn't stop, I let out a shriek of anger, a bit louder than I intended, and reached for the rope again.

I braced my feet against the cold stone and began to climb back up, my needing for Kartik completely gone. If he was going to make fun of me all night, than there was no point in staying. I'd hefted myself up a metre when I heard his voice calling up to me. "Gemma, please. I didn't mean to tease you."

I listened to his words as I placed one foot in front of the other steadily. Finally I stoped for breath, realizing that I hadn't taken into account how difficult it would be getting up. Kartik was still pleading with me, whisper-yelling that he was sorry. I glanced down at him and sighed. I'd have to go down anyway since there as no way that I could get myself back in through the window.

So, I loosened my grip on the rope and took my legs from the ivy covered wall, and slid back down to him. I set my feet down lightly and turned on my heel towards the front entrance, avoiding his gaze. I walked with my back straight, toe to heel, toe to heel, trying not to think of the fact that I was pracically unclothed.

Then I felt his cold hands on my arms, holding me in place. I stiffened and tried to keep walking, but he held fast and pulled me in to his body, his arms constricting around me in a bear hug. "Kartik," I said, my voice cold. "Let go." He didn't reply, just tightened his grip and whispered in my ear: "I'm sorry, Gemma." His smell was around me, clouding my mind, and his body against mine was jumbling my thoughts.

My body relaxed for a split second, and then I was stiff as a board again, my gaze hostile as he turned me around. "Please, Gem?" I strained to see his face in the dark, to know if he really meant the apology. " No. You shouldn't have laughed at me. I've a fair mind to never speak to you again, Kartik." Silence.

Then he pulled me even closer, until our foreheads and noses were touching everything but out lips, millimetres apart. I almost kissed him, but remembered another reason why I should walk back into Spence that instant. "Kartik, I love you, but we can't do this every night." His grip relaxed slightly as he contemplated what I'd said.

To my surprise, he didn't call me a fool or say: Whyever not?

He answered quiety, in a hesitant whisper. "I know." I nodded furiously, glad that he understood. "What about every second night?" In the sparse light I saw his featurestwist into a scowl as he expressed his disgust with the idea. "That seems like so long," he whispered, barely audible.

I reached a hand up to stroke his cheek, pained to do this thing that would keep me from him. "If we don't, someone could find out. Already some people have noticed how tired I am."

He nodded slowly, as if he still wasn't sure what was best. Tentatively, I pressed my lips against his, sadness welling up inside. He kissed me back, his warm mouth clearing my mind of thought as I wrapped my arms around his neck. His hand left my arm and touched my leg gently, his movments passionate. Then his tongue was runing along my bottom lip, making me shiver. _No._

I broke away, my lips leaving his, and the the feeling of his hand on my body left, blown away with the light wind. Our eyes met for a sharp, clear moment, before I tore my gaze away, frightened of what this could become if I didn't go.

I stared at my feet, slender and pale against the grass. We stood perfectly still, like statues on the vast expanse of green.

Then, I took a tentative step backwards, my heart and my mind clashing horrendously with this simple act.

A tear slipped onto my face, making a slow and painful journey down my cheek, and I was running, my feet making tiny thuds on the thick grass as I did the hardest thing imaginable to my love struck mind. The tears came now, blurring my vision as I ran towards the front door.

"Goodbye, Kartik," I whispered to the night sky. Then I was sprinting across the grounds, forcing myself not to look back, because if I did, the sight of his lone figure standing motionless under my window would have ripped me back to him.

* * *

**Please review, and tell me if you have any ideas for this story. Don't worry, I have plenty, but I love to hear what you want. 3**


	10. Lucky

**Okay, I know you guys've been wanting some lemons, so here they are, fresh and juicy. I know that I'm going to ask you at the end, but please review. 3**

* * *

I fidgeted in my seat, hating the feel of hard, polished wood under me.

The air was hot and stale, pressing around me and giving every girl in the chapel the feeling that they were being suffocated slowly. I took a deep breath and held it, willing myself to hold out a bit longer, just half an hour until vespers ended and we were sent to bed. Of course, that wouldn't be the end of my day by far.

I let the breath out slowly, fighting off thoughts of him. Reverend Waite droned on, his monotone voice shaky and hoarse, as he drew the long prayer to an end. The old drunkard's voice was shaky and hoarse, and his eyelids drooped as he finished our period of torture.

"Amen."

I mouthed along to the word, feeling excitement build in my gut. For a moment I sat erect, waiting for the other girls to file out of the pew before me. But a sideways glance showed Felicity looking at me sharply, her cold eyes glaring daggers as she searched for my secret_. Not today, Fee_, I thought smugly. I'd made itthrough the whole day without dropping the smallest hint, even when Ann had quietly asked me if I'd had a comfortable sleep, no doubt following orders from Felicity.

Ann was no longer angry about my refusing to tell her what had happened. She understood that everyone has thier secrets, I think, and she was content to let me keep mine in peace. But even so, she had asked me that morning, probably afraid of falling back to her sad social status if she didn't do what Fee told her to.

I smiled at Felicity and stood up, managing to walk smoothly out of the pew and down the stairs defiantly. She was getting _nothing_ out of me, not a shred of nervousness or any of the information that I knew she craved so badly. Felicity was like a shark, I often told myself, a mean ruler of it's territory that could scent blood miles away. In other words, she was a gossiper that didn't think a second for anyone elses feelings, and always got the information that she asked for.

I walked down the path, feeling the slight heat of the setting sun on my back. Ann and Fee caught up to me and we walked silently, our hoods down, enjoying the weather. To the outside world we were three goods friends walking together, but really, there was tension crackling in the air, running between us in currents.

Felicity pressed uneccisarily close to me, as if a small push would motivate me to tell her. Her elbow jabbed me sharply, and I whipped around.

"What?"

She gave me a pout, looking for all the world like a normal sixteen year old girl.

"Gemma, darling, wouldn't you say it's about time for another trip to the realms?" I stiffened, surprised that she would bring the subject up after our last conversation concerning the realms.

"I don't know... are you done pressuring me about that morning?" She smiled, her sad look switching to deviousness in the blink of an eye.

"Of course, Gemma, we all have our secrets."

At this I almost snorted with laughter, but held myslef in line. "Felicity, both you and I know that there is _no bloody way_ that you're going to let this go." Ann looked shocked at my language, then pulled pack into her shell and stared at her boots. Felicity's face had twisted into a scowl at my words, but now she was all smiles.

"Gemma, I honestly think that it would be better for all of us if we went." Her tone was flat, but I caught the frantic hand gestures in Ann's direction, who was occupied with blowing her nose into a ratty tissue. She didn't notice, just tucked the tissue back into her bodice and sniffled, looking confused.

"We better get going, before they leave us behind."

I nodded too eagerly and fell back in beside Felicity. She would not acknowledge me, only made a few more signs towards Ann, before turning her eyes to the dirt and walking silently. I sighed quietly and retreated into my mind, trying to process what Fee was trying to tell me.

I'd gotten nowhere when we stepped back into Spence, still silent, still together. But the thoughts were pushed from my mind; more like shoved violently, when the lights went out in Spence and I sat motionless on an old stool near the door, waiting for the noise to cease.

Kartik.

His perfect features and god-like body were on my mind, making me sweat, even in the cool air that swept in from the partially open window that I'd cracked open right before Ann had went to bed, saying that I'd close it once the stale air was out. In truth, I no longer had to worry about waking anybody when I opened the window to climb out.

I'd decided that I would use the window as an exit, and come in through the front door, since there was no way that I could climb back up the wall in the dead of night, physically and mentally exhausted. As long as I came in quietly, nobody would hear the door creak as it always did or feel the gust of fresh spring air enter the building inexplicably.

I ran my plan over again in my head, and peeked into the hallway, hopeful that whoever was up last night wouldn't fancy the idea of doing it again. Luckily, the hallway was as thick with darkness as the rest of the building, and all of the doors were closed. Not that it mattered who was up when I left, there was no way that they would hear me leaving, let alone come to investigate.

I just needed to be sure, until I got comfortable with sneaking around like this. Which brought up thte question that had gnawed at me ever since last night.

Supposing that I wasn't found out, how long would this thing that we had last?

Until I graduated as a fine young lady?

Until Kartik tired of me and found someone he could be with openly?

I hated to think of him leaving me, or me leaving him, but it had to happen sometime, didn't it? My throat ached horribly as I struggled not to cry. Then the fighter in me took over, and I was walking confidently towards the window and climbing out into the night.

* * *

I stood completely still, leaning against a tree, my whole body quivering with anticipation. My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth, and I swallowed to dispell the scratchy dryness thath plagued my throat.

I'd been in the same position for the better part of an hour.

_Where is he?_Panic ran hot in my veins as I imagined every one of the countless things that could've happened to him, and I had to force myself to calm down by sinking to the forest floor and massaging my temples in an attempt to slow my breathing and clear my thoughts.

_He's coming. He's coming._I repated the words over and over again in my head, until it became a steady chant that obliterated my other thoughts. I rose from the grass, not wanting to tarnish my chemise any more than was needed. The chanting continued as I wrung my hands nervously, straining to catch a glimpse of movement in the trees.

_He's coming. He's com- _my mind was thrown into a whirlwind as a hand shot out of the forest, grabbing my arm and pinning it above me, against the rough bark of the tree. I drew in a breath to scream, but stifled the sound as I recognized the enticing scent that wafted around me.

Sure enough, the his face was inches from mine as he stepped out of the shadows. I smiled, my terror gone.

"Kartik," I breathed, letting my heart settle back into a regular beat. He loosened his grip on my arm, but still held it above me, his fingers tracing tiny circles against my skin. "Gemma."

I wasted barely a millisecond before closing the distance between his lips and mine, our closeness rekindling the burning need for him that I'd been fighting down for so long. He kissed me passionately, on the brink of being rough, and I knew that something had awakened in him, too.

His left hand found my right, still holding it against the tree, while the other snaked up my side, his fingers lingering near my breast before moving to my neck.

I lifted my leg, wrapping it around his waist, and his hand moved from my neck to support it.

A moan escaped my lips as he bit my tongue lightly. It hurt just enough to be arousing, and I felt sweat gathering on my body already. His lips were lower now, just where my jaw met my neck, sucking and nipping away at the untouched skin.

I moaned more now; he'd found my sweet spot and the feeling was unbearable and hot.

My eyes were on the stars, watching the unmoving sky as pleasure mounted. I lowered my gaze and noticed that we were both totally clothed. My nimble fingers found the hem of his shirt, and it was off in seconds, thrown into a tree at the far side of the clearing.

His chest glistened in the moonlight, and my breathing quickened as I felt the need to remove his trousers, too.

Both of my legs were wrapped around his waist now, and this time we didn't topple.

I started to inch his pants down with my heels, but he chuckled and stopped me, the portion of his face that I could see grinning.

"Ladies first."

**Kartik's POV**

Her china white skin was smooth as silk under my lips, and her arousing sounds were doing unimagineable things to my thoughts.

She was so damn amazing. I felt her perfection and groaned, feeling an erection coming on already. She was trying to get me naked, which was exactly what I wanted, but I didn't want to seem overeager.

I grabbed her legs and held fast, fighting the urge to rip off her light cotton chemise and take her right then and there. "Ladies first."

She looked almost angry for a moment, then her eyes were fiery with passion again, and the chemise was off in a hurry, leaving her totally unclothed in my arms.

I wasted no time ogling over her body, since I now knew a better way to expierience her.

I took off my trousers in a frenzied rush, my passion wild and untamed. Then we were locked together again, our tongues battling and our bodies pressed tight against eachother. She was so smooth, and once again I marveled at why she would choose me, out of all the men in the world, why such a utterly perfect being would pick me.

Over all the wealthy gentlemen, over young dashing men, and most importantly, over Simon.

I felt a quick rush of jealousy at the thought of him, but my mood couldn't be ruined for long, not with the fact that Gemma was mine right now, and knowing that I was the one kissing Gemma, feeling her like this, and not Simon.

Her leg was up on my waist again, and I reached my hand back to hold it. "I need you, Gemma."

The words barely escaped my lips, the feeling was so tight. They were a low groan, but she understood, whether she could make out the words or not, and lowered her leg, preparing for it.

It was pitch black now, the light having fled hours ago, leaving us to do our mischief in the night. I could barely see the outline of her body, but just the eluminated curve of her hip in the moonlight, made my mouth dry with anticipation.

Suddenly I felt warm, thin fingers close around my hardening erection. My breath hitched at the heavenly feeling, and quickened even more as she moved them up and down, along the length of my penis, which was hot and throbbing, and her torture only made me feel like I was going to burst. But even better was the pleasure in it, causing me to moan involuntarily with each pump.

She picked up speed, the pressure increasing as her fingers tightened around me. Everything was swirling around us, and the world suddenly seemed like too much, then I released, and colours of all different hues flashed before my eyes, the stars multipied above me, and I screamed her name into the forest.

**Gemma's POV**

I needed it so bad, but I had to make Kartik want it more.

He was making low groans with every movement, and they almost drove me off the edge, almost made me stop the teasing and let him enter me, almost made me give in to him. Almost.

Besides, he was obviously enjoying it, and I wasn't about to let my own selfish neediness cost him the final pleasure.

He was pressed close to me, his head near my shoulder, his arms pressed against the bark on either side of me. Then, as I began to wonder how much longer he could hold out, I heard my name echo thhrough the forest so loudly that a few birds squacked in protest and rustled the foliage, blotting out the stars for a few moments.

He cummed into my abdomen, the warm liquid flowing over my taut skin. I let go of his penis, and the release continued, onto the ground. He sank to his knees, worn out, and I followed him.

My knees made a squish sound in the grass, and I realized that we were practically sitting in a pool of cum. I dipped my finger into the liquid, whichc was slightly thicker than water, and brought it to my mouth. My lips closed around the tip of my finger and I pulled it out, which made a sharp popping sound as it withdrew from the wetness. I coated my tongue with it, savouring the salty tang, all the while looking into Kartik's eyes.

I saw the passion and swallowed thickly. This was it.

We were still for a moment, then he lunged forward and knocked me over, so that he was on top of me. The cooling cum pressed into my back and I shivered at the feeling. Kartik noticed, and looked at me in concern. "Cold?" His voice was a husky whisper, and I knew that he hadn't even wanted to waste time asking the question.

"I won't be."

I wrapped my legs around him once more, and rolled my hips upwards, daring him to take the plunge. I expected hesitation, a moment of stillness before he entered me, like last time, but that was not the case.

He rammed into me almost immediately after the sentence was finished, driving the moist air from my lungs and causing millions of little black dots to cloud my vision. I cried out, but there was almost to pain this time, only a slight uncomfortable pang, which faded as he nudged even deeper into me.

No, the scream was out of pure please and fullness the relief of finally achieving the feeling that I'd been chasing after ever since our first time.

He knew this, because he didn't waste time asking about my condition. It started slow, like last time, with him pulling in and out steadily, but no real beat to the thrusts. I loved the feeling, but still craved the crazy fast hits that made us both scream with blind emotion.

The speed increased quickly now, and I found that I needed something new, something different from last time. I rolled us over, taking Kartik by surprise and switching our positions so that I was on top. The thrusts continued, but seemingly with more vigor, and I got the feeling that he too needed change.

My hands were on his broad chest, my legs on either side of him, and I felt my right knee squish into the cum.

My hands slid off of his chest and I fell right onto him, still increasing speed. My hands lay useless on either side of us; my attention was fully focused on meet every thrust.

I cried out again as he hit a deep, deep spot that felt like it was just below my abdomen. We were rolling again, this time on Kartik's whim, stopping next to the old log that he always sat on, whittling sticks.

He was in control again, and I barely noticed, not caring as long as this moment never ended.

His face was over my shoulder, that elegant nose inches from the dewy ground, and his long arms were churning the grass above my head. The full weight of his body was on me, and we were moving up and down on the grass, the momentum of our frenzied movement sliding us over the wet ground.

Now we both screamed with every thrust, we were going so fast, and I found the feeling of being tight around him dizzying and overwhelming.

He slid in and out twice, the thin skin of his penis pruning with the wetness, and I felt the final hit coming.

I took a deep breath and cleched my muscles around him as he drew out for the last time. He drove into me harder than ever, almost as if he was angry as my vagina. I screamed as he hit **the **spot, causing each and every bird in the forest to burst out of their nests and into the night sky, screeching and flapping their wings unsteadily to flee from the commotion.

Kartik came at the exact same time, yelling out with me, only a few octaves lower.

I wriggled with ticklish pleasure as he released into me, the warm feeling filling me to the brim and spilling over. I felt so undeniably full that I was about to burst, but he just kept coming. My blood rushed through my veins, making my skin hot, and a slightly metallic taste coated my tongue. I think he might've cummed right up into my brain, he went for so long. It was like my veins ran with it, like I was made up of pure happiness. Then, after what I'm sure was 3 straight minutes, he collapsed, winding me with his weight.

Like last time, we rolled over and lay together for a time, him still inside me. But unlike last time, he didn't pull out.

In fact, when I lifted my head from his chest to see those eyes that I loved so much, he was sound asleep, lids fluttering slightly.

I stifled a giggle, for fear of waking him. Minutes passed as I admired his long, curved lashes, wondering at them and thinking of how purely beauitful he was, and how wrong it was that I got to have him. That he chose me over everyone else. It was selfish of me, really, to have him all to myself. I felt like I was cheating him, spiriting him away from all other women like a jealous wife. Just then, as I was scolding myself for having him, his eyes fluttered open, large and innocent, looking at me fondly.

"I am so lucky to have you." He mumbled groggily, pulling me tighter into him. I snuggled into his warmth, laying my head just below his collarbone, and closed my eyes, happier than I had ever been.

* * *

**Did you like it? Whether you did or not, please review and tell me what you think. I was going to do a really long chapter this time, but it seemed like a perfect ending, so I promise that the next one'll be big. Ummm.... I'll try to get you some lemons for the next chapter since i've been getting so many reviews on the sex. BYE!**


	11. FORGIVE ME! I'm Back!

**I, .Queen.x, am horribly sorry. A particularily nasty review put me off for a very long time, and I'm begging you guys to forgive me. PLEASE send in a review for the last chapter or PM me and tell me that you're still here. I WILL FINISH THIS STORY (if I still have readers)!!!**


	12. Doubt

**Here's a nice long chapter for the wait. Please review. Oh, and thanks to:**

**loulou11288**

**SexySadie88**

**poyntersally**

**meena**

**Moodynecklace**

**Twilight Black Shadow **

**And many others but I'm running out of time. Also, thanks to truehazel for the nice long review, along with the corrections and opinions in it!**

* * *

A gust of cool night air blew gently through the open window, making my hair swirl around my face. I scampered to the window and closed it a few inches, fearful of the wind waking Ann. Her lumpy shape did not move as I returned to my perch by the door, a rickety old stool that rocked and creaked with my weight.

Gingerly, I lowered myself onto it and opened the door a crack. The door opened smoothly; I'd discovered that the key to stopping it from creaking insufferably was to open it quickly and surely, instead of inching it open as slowly as possible.

Hope built in my gut as I looked out into the hallway, my fingers crossed and my muscles tense.

"Blast!" The curse was a faint but angered hiss that escaped my lips at the sight of an open door at the end of the hallway.

Many others echoed in my mind at I studied the small amount of light seeping out from under a closed door just a few rooms over from mine. I had the urge to kick the door shut in my fury, but something stopped me.

There was something more to this.

Another piece that prevented me from solving the puzzle that kept me from him. I was almost willing to forget it and crawl out the window that moment, to forget about the idiot girl who had either forgotten to turn out her light, or was determined to waste a night of sleep.

But then the piece clicked.

It was the same door as before.

The same girl that had prevented me from leaving just the other night. I almost dismissed it as a girl that was simply _extremely _determined to stay awake for a whole night, but then a cruel realization crashed down on me, driving the air from my lungs and causing my eyes to go wide as golf balls.

It couldn't be. She'd promised. She'd lost interest.

But those reassuring thoughts were washed away as I looked back out the door and carefully counted the exact number of doors that stood between my room and the mysterious girl's. My suspicions were confirmed.

Three doors.

Felicity's voice rang out in my head, joyous and warm, making me wonder how she managed to pull off such a sweet demeanor in public.

"_This is just perfect, Gemma! We're only three rooms away from eachother!"_I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing away the reality. But it held fast on my mind, suffocating my hope and forcing me to watch images of him fade before my eyes. She was still on my trail.

My refusal to tell her anything had driven her to trying to find out by her own ways. She was making sure that I didn't leave my room without her knowledge.

Panic rose in my throat and I began to imagine what she could already know. Could she have followed me the other night? Could she have been watching me as I climbed out the window and over the grounds?

No. No, if she'd seen anything, she would've confronted me today or yesterday, or just told Mrs. Nightwing, in which case I would already be on the train ride home. The latter was less likely; Fee would never tell the headmistress for fear of me telling her what I knew about Fee and a certain Indian boy.

So she didn't know. A smile grin crept across my face as relief washed over me and I slouched onto the bed, reveling in my luck.

But the wave passed all too quickly and my common sense began to kick in, nagging and poking until the new tide, full of doubt and worry, came crashing through. I had to be more careful.

If I didn't wait until her lights went out every night she could hear me leave, or even come to check and find me missing. Things would be a great deal trickier now, but I was convinced that Kartik and I would weather this bit of misfortune. If I was careful enough, there was a chance that she really would lose interest.

But I knew better than to believe that she would forget. One day, I would have to tell her.

But that day wasn't coming any time soon, and I found that I was thoroughly enjoying the feeling that I had beaten Felicity at her own game. The frenzy subsided quickly after this realization and I found myself already making plans to slip out of the window with even more secrecy. A new rush hit me at the thought of him, and I knew that I had to escape tonight, or face another painstaking day of lonliness and longing, not to mention interrogation.

My legs were not my own as they carried me across the threshold, but they did exactly what I wanted, though I don't know if I would've had the courage to do it without the fiery lust that powered my movements.

Ann didn't even cross my mind; I knew by now that she was deeply lost in sleep, not to be wakened by anything but the fear of being late for breakfast and angering Mrs. Nightwing, though I'd never been rebuked for arriving late for the morning meal: the cold mystery porridge was punishment enough.

My crazed mind had already decided that Felicity Worthington was no problem as she could never know if I had left my room. The rope was my secret, and _nobody _knew about it, that much I was sure of. She doubtlessly thought that my only exit was the front door, past her door and down the stairs. _I have the advantage, _I realized. _She's totally ignorant!_

I wanted to giggle at the thought; it was so rare. I was feeling very superior to Fee by this time, and my joy coupled with his image rushed me across the grounds to the edge of the forest, where I jumped up with a whoop. Immediately instinct kicked in and I crouched in the undergrowth, flinching as my noise echoed against the stone walls, which had caught the sound though they seemed much too far away.

Flattening myself to the cool grass, I tried to wiggle deeper undercover, to hide my white chemise and fiery locks. But suddenly my fright seemed foolish: the night was still as ever. I forced a quiet laugh, to convince my jumping heart that all was well.

Spence and it's inhabitants were oblivious to my games. I pulled myself up to my knees, partially out of hiding, and began to creep backwards.

A star appeared in my window.

I crashed to the ground, blood pulsing in my ears as I peered through th greenery at it in wonder. My first impression was quickly swept away when I saw that it was not a star, but a white-blonde head, leaning out of my window. My emotions were mixed as I observed her movements, the barely noticable turning of her head that said that she hadn't spotted me yet, cowering in the bushes.

Pride swelled in my chest as I patted myself on the back for hiding at the sight of the 'star', supernatural or not. I was learning suspicion. But that was battered down by shame for recklessly leaving the school for him. And then anger overpowered all; anger at myself for being so careless and anger at Felicity for being so stubborn. But they all had one thing in common: they terrified me.

The pride was frightening because it made me happy to be decieving my friends for midnight sex, the shame scared me because it made me want to do better, to become even more of a liar, and the anger was horrifying because it revealed just how far into this I was, and how much I loved him and treasured our forbidden connection, and that I was desperate enough to despise my friends for caring about me.

No. Felicity didn't care about me, but her reputation as the all-knowing Queen of Spence.

Still, these emotions, they were all warnings. Bright, obnoxious, but true signs that paved my dangerous road, one that would lead to disaster, but was lined with pleasantries until the horrible end. The metaphor didn't comfort or amuse me as they usually did; the only thing that dulled the sharp pain of my indecency was the ecstacy that would ruin me. Confusion filled me and made me feel small and helpless, lost in a complex conspiracy of deciet and passion.

This was the dramatic kind of story that resectable people payed ridiculous amounts to see in a theatre, where they could swoon with terror, excitement and pity, yet remain untouchable. They didn't know what the characters felt, the indecision that drove them to do these amusing and entertaining things that were actually quite different in real life.

In the midst of the whirlwind of thoughts and images, I inched further and further into the forest. Determined to reach him unnoticed, though by now the horrid realization that Felicity knew I was out there had hit me with force that stole the breath from my lungs and brought strange tears to my eyes.

Her head ducked back under the sill. I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath, the first in minutes. She would not dare to come out of Spence, let alone into the forest after me, if she indeed knew that was where I was.

For all she knew, I could be taking nightly trips to London, though she was certainly more clever than that, and I knew it. She would either confront me tomorrow, or continue monitoring my room at night. What would I do? _How do I know that she won't be checking like this every night?_

These worries weighed down on my shoulders as I rose and slipped deep into the trees, following what was by now a well known path and cursing my happiness, which was doubtlessly what had drawn her to the window. My burden lifted, though, when I approached our clearing. There was even a joyous spring in my step as I entered, suddenly feeling unprotected with the absence of thick foliage overhead.

"Kartik." The whisper escaped my slack lips easily, filled with lust and passion, every bit as tense as the many hours I had went without feeling his sculpted muscles under me, clenching myself around him and sharing soft yet hard kisses.

His shape was easily discerned in the moonlight, a slightly hunched back that poorly hid broad shoulders. My skin suddenly seemed to hot, and I felt wetness gathering between my thighs as anticipation built. I ran silently towards him, crashing recklessly into his welcoming chest, the warmth of which enveloped me as I felt him ferociously, letting my fingers roam over muscle and bone.

"Gemma," his voice didn't come in the whisper that mine did, but was louder and fuller.

"I love you. Gemma, Gemma, I love you." For the umpteenth time my heart beat wildly, threatening to burst out of my chest.

"I love you, Kartik; you have no idea how good it is to hear your voice." His arms tightened around me. "Oh, I do."

I snuggled into him, then lifted my head to kiss his neck, soft as wind. My tongue explored the sinewy surface with vigour, while I pressed into him and let my hands roam of their own accord. No longer did it feel like a different Gemma was kissing him. I was me that touched him, teased him, let him explore every corner of my being. I could take credit for his moans, his words, and every feeling that he felt for me. Kartik loved me.

Our tongues were locked now, just as our hips ground together slightly. His hand cupped my rear while the other caressed other body parts, sliding up my stomach to hold my breasts, and then sliding back down again and tracing waves on my thighs, forever avoiding my centre, which now began to leak out liquid that made it's journey down the inside of my leg to meet Kartik's hand.

At the unexpected contact, Kartik separated the kiss, leaving me with my mouth slightly open. I looked into his eyes, and at the same moment we did away with playing.

He brought my chemise up to my waist, then stopped teasingly. I gave him a glare that was only partially fake, then pulled his trousers down to his knees, and pressed myself up against his penis, which I found was nearly rock hard. I slid myself up and down against it, grinning as he gasped loudly.

Careful not to let him enter me, though his hips thrust forward with every pass I made, I let the wetness escape even more, and gently slid the shaft of his erection into me, but not the tip. **(A/N--in case you don't get the physics, I'll explain. He's not exactly inside of her, but his penis is getting kind wet. They couldn't really have sex in this position, at least I'm pretty sure. I other words, a hot dog in a bun)**.

He grunted, and roughly grabbed my breasts with his hands, causing the chemise to rise to my chest. I yelled and sighed at the same time, feeling the pinching that would normally be uncomfortable but now made me squeeze my eyes shut with pleasure. Now we both smiled at the torture that we were inflicting on the other, before he raised the garment over my head, freeing my hot, needy being.

I felt him kick his pants away, and together we whipped his shirt off noisily, with much grunting and moaning in the process, since I was licking and biting his nipples and skin as it came up.

I besieged his mouth with my tongue as my arms wrapped around his neck, and I crossed my legs around his waist. His hands instinctively grabbed my buttocks, and I let out a loud, maddened breath, making me sound like a wild animal, which is exactly what both of us had become.

His fingers wandered slightly, following the line of my rear to the centre of liquid, which had now covered his erection.

I dug roughly into his neck as I ground against him, moaning in a high voice not quite my own every time he whipped a finger in and out of me. We manouevered ourselves onto the ground, a skill which we had both grown quite skilled at performing, and I decided that it was almost time. Clearly he sensed this and supported the decision, because hit eyes lit in the darkness and his hands began applying steady pressure on me, bring my body downwards and onto his manhood.

Just as I had sunk onto the last of him, I thought of one last game. Pulling suddenly upwards, I lowered myself down again, until he was halfway into me. Then I pulled up, feeling a devious and delicious emotion wetten my skin even more.

He yelled almost painfully as I began going down onto the tip and then up again extremely fast, and I reveled in the control he was giving me.

That was revenge for all those sarcastic remarks, not that I hadn't made my fair share in his direction.

Jarringly, he tightened his hold on my soft backside and _shoved _me downwards, with a ferocious yell that terrified me so greatly that I would've been imobilized, had he not succeded in getting me all the way onto him. I screamed shrilly at the shock, but he paid no mind to me as we were rolled over, and he was on top, looking down at me, slighly crazed.

I gasped and tried to force a smile. "Kartik, you've dug yourself so far into me that I fear I'll never be able to pull you out."

He nearly cackled, then leaned down and spoke softly in my ear. "But would you really want to?" I stared at him for a moment, then moaned as he began thrusting, harder than ever before, it seemed. I met them cautiously, aware that he had a different plan for tonight. But caution was quickly abandoned. I clenched around him with every muscle in my body, wondering if his question required an answer. He slammed into me with all the force of a freight train, his eyes fixed firmly on mine.

"Would you?" I realized that this was a test of will, and clenched my teeth as he aquired super human strength, seeming to break some sort of wall every hit. I screamed every time, madly letting my lungs express the relief and tenseness that came every second or two.

"Would you?" I felt my release coming told myself that I wouldn't give in, though now the battle seems pointless. But for some reason I felt the need to defeat the man I was making love to, right then and there. Then in an unexpected and painful twist, the speed stayed.

My eyes went wide with shock. The thrusts had stopped gaining speed; if he could keep this up, I would never find my release. "Would you?" It seemed like hours, that question repeated, one tempo, a single speed. Suddenly he seemed to stab me, which is the only way I can describe it. The push was so deep, so hard and angry, that I screamed an impossible note, which went on for longer than I had originally thought I could hold one sound.

Another, just as bad pushed me right over. "Would you?"

"NO! NO! NO!" My eyes were swimming with tears, but he only grinned wider knowing that they were tears of joy more than pain or anger, and that he would be forgiven.

"You're amazing, Gemma."

"I love you," I wheezed, grabbing a handful of his sweet curls and bringing our lips together roughly.

"Never. Never leave me." His smile turned sweet against my lips.

"I won't. I love you, Gemma." And with that, one last push, fast, yet not rough. I curled and clenched around him, dragging his face to my chest as I sought a release in rough movements. He yelled into my skin, and I tipped my head back and screamed, though not nearly as brilliant a scream as it's predecessors.

It was tired and hoarse, but loud and scathing. My back arched and my fingers flexed, as my body reacted radically to that push, the one that ended it all. Our sounds faded into silence, and I relaxed greatly, using my last ounce of strength to roll us again, where I lay over him, fighting the pinpoints of nothingness that multiplied before my eyes.

Our chests heaved as one. The black spots grew and grew, then covered all as I passed into nothingness, laying limp on top of him in the cool grass.

* * *

The first sense to return to me was hearing.

Wind rustled through the trees, a familiar sound that calmed me. Birds chattered, bringing joy and music to the early morning. Soft breathing in my ear, wreathing a scent of cinnamon around my head. Which meant that scent was back, bringing clean, forested air into my lungs.

Taste returned next, stlightly tainting my waking with a strange yet familiar taste.

Feeling revealed to me a soft breeze that whispered over my bare skin, and a sculpted, firm body beneath me. The grass was new and soft, tickling my open palms.

Finally, sight allowed me to take in my surrounds. My eyes fluttered reluctantly open, groggy at first, and protesting greatly to the bright hues that surrounded me. I forced them open. I was looking into green, green grass, just as I had imagined it with my other senses.

My neck muscles creaked as I lifted my head and found myself staring full into Kartik's perfect face. His eyes were closed, graceful lashes touching his high cheekbones. A great nose drew my attention, and I inexplicably kissed the bridge of his nose, then his full lips, which parted slightly at my touch. Other than that, he didn't stir.

I kissed his chin, then trailed down his neck, pressing my lips to each spot of his skin that occupied the line that I was following. I reached his chest and laid my head on his collarbone, feeling his slow heartbeat reverberate through my bones. I continued on, but was forced to stop as my descent moved me down, and I felt an uncomfortable pulling. Glancing down, last night's antics came back to me fully, and embarassment and pleasure gave my stomach a strange yet nice feeling. We were still together, obviously, but...... _we shouldn't be._

I should be enjoying the 'pleasantries' of Spence, not cuddling with an Indian boy in the middle of the day. I began to panic, but a glance at Kartik's peaceful expression of sleep stopped me from jumping up and running full out into the forest.

I suppressed the urge and decided to wake him. Rising to his level, I kissed him lightly. Again his mouth opened, and I guessed at his dreams mischeviously. I pressed our lips together again, running my tongue along his lips. The corners of his lips pulled upwards, and I smiled softly.

"You're awake." I said gently, feeling overwhelmed by my love for him.

"Yeah." I looked into his big innocent eyes, though they had been anything but innocent last night. "I love you so much."

His fingers ghosted along my back. I felt a blush rising from my neck at his proclamation, but forced it down, reminding myself of the many times I'd heard it before, whispered among moans of ectsacy.

"I love you too," I sighed, hating the terror that crept into my bones as I thought of what my peers would say if they had witnessed the scene: me lying naked on top of an Indian boy, confessing my love for him without shame.

Suddenly Kartik's eyes darkened with foreboding, and he looked at me with concern. "Maybe too much..." it was a broken murmur, meant for no one's ears but his.

I frowned at him as thoughts leapt crazily into my mind. Did he regret me? What we'd done?

"What are you talking about?" He glanced at me in shock, then looked nervously away, his eyes darting all around the clearing, looking everywhere but me. I poked his chest in frustration.

"What is it?" Finally our eyes met, and green stared into brown or a split second before he cloesed them. "Nothing."

I huffed loudly, suddenly feeling his detchment personally. "Did I do something?" His eyes flickered open with surprise. "N-no.. it's nothing, really." Looking up at the sky, I saw that the moon hadn't quite disappeared yet, nor a few of the stars. Regretfully, I looked at him and broke the spell.

"I have to go." I confessed.

"But you don't want to."

I shook my head and kissed his cheek. "No."

"Then don't go."

I stared at him, wondering what was going through his head. He knew perfectly well what would happen if I stayed with him.

"Don't tempt me." I growled, giving him a playful glare.

His expression loosened and I felt muscular arms wrap around my waist, rolling us over. The hurt at his stubborn refusal to talk to me faded slightly, but I still resisted as his lips pressed against mine, refusing to return the kiss that my body was crying out for.

His strong hands massaged my sides, working magic on my skin. His mouth moved to my neck, placing open mouthed kisses along the strained tendrils. I gasped shakily, trying to stay under control. Moans escaped my mouth as his large hands moved to cup my breasts, smoothing the skin over with his hungry fingers.

"I hate..." I started, then grasped his broad shoulders roughly as his tongue ran up my neck. "..you."

He chuckled deeply, and I knew that he had detected the crmbling of my resolve that was gaining speed as he bit my lip softly.

My hips were grinding against his uncontrollably, and my breath hitched as his erection brushed my leg.

I gave in, forcefully melding my lips with his. He laughed into my mouth, searching me with his tongue. My hands pressed downwards to his stomach, feeling his sculpted chest and abdomen, which were both rock hard with strain.

A grin spread across my face as I thought of something else that was rock hard.

_And in need of attention. _

This time I was the one who flipped us, getting on hands and knees on top of him. Reaching down to grab his heated penis, I slowly rode it up and down, elicting delicious groans from his seductively parted lips. My fingers toyed with his testicals, bringing an idea to mind. I sunk down, keeping my eyes on his.

* * *

**Kartik's POV**

I saw the mischief in her eyes as she lowered herself slowly, though her expression was one of pure lust.

I felt giddily pleased at the thought that I was the one putting that look on her face, the heat in her movements. But once again the realization that what we were doing was horribly wrong overshadowed the pleasure. Guilt worsened the combination as I looked into Gemma's forest green eyes. I wanted so badly to tell her what was troubling me, but I couldn't bear to wipe that seductive smile off of her face and burden her with worries.

Squirming slightly, I made up my mind rashly.

_I'll have the next two days to figure out how to tell her, and besides; by that time it coud've cleared itself up._

My last reassuring thought was a sad excuse, but it didn't disprove the fact that I couldn't talk to her about this now.

A heat was growing between my legs, throbbing harder with every inch of skin that she covered.

Working hard to forget, I swallowed hard and returned my attention to the beautiful girl on top of me.

**Gemma's POV**

He seemed troubled for a moment, then hastily returned to the real world. I ignored the suspicious interruption; he wouldn't be able to think of anything else if what I was about to do went well. Coming level with his erection, I faintly sensed the heat coming off of it and smiled.

He may be distracted, but his body wasn't. Letting my tongue slip from between my lips, I pressed it against the head of his penis, enveopeing only the very tip.

"Gemma," he gasped. I removed my tongue, grinning as he groaned amost painfully. "Gemma, please."

I shook my head, knowing he could feel the swish of my hair against his skin.

Shifting his erection, I delicately took his one testical into my mouth, smiling when I felt him stiffen, then shiver with pleasure. I ran my tongue all around him, then ground my teeth in circles against it, encouraged by his sounds.

My teeth ground harder and faster, and his hands clutched my shoulders tightly, fighting to push me further onto him. Teasingly I bit down, not bothering to stop when he gasped in pain. The hands on my back tensed and squeezed, urging me on frantically. "You have no idea what you're doing yo me, Gemma." His voice was husky and sweet, wanting me to go on yet wishing for something else.

I agreed silently, and rose from his groin. My centre was hot and wet, and I urgently pressed it up against his stomach, letting my juices seep from my opening and onto hs skin. His hot hand was sliding down my sides, past my waist and to my thighs, then moving inwards to cup the area of dampened curls.

I drew a shallow breath and looked into his eyes, which stared unbearably into mine, carving deep into my heart with passion. An almost gutteral growl broke the heated silence as I pressed my aching centre into his palm.

Slowly, his finger massaged my entrance, inducing another wave of wetness. I moaned embarrassingly loud, but barely had time to blush before he slid it suddenly into me. Another gasp. Moans, sighs as my muscles tightened around his single digit. My eyes were blinking hard.

Then he is sliding it out, and in again, adding another finger gradually to my folds. Tension is built madly, and I nearly screamed when another finger joined the others, bringing tears to my eyes. We had changed positions once again, having reaching the edge of the clearing.

He sat up against a tree, never letting the pumping cease. His pace never faltered -though I swear that his hearbeat did- as I threw myself onto him, biting recklessly into the skin that stretched tautly over his shoulder.

My breasts pushed against his chest as I pressed into him, and his unoccupied hand rose to cup one as I came messily, letting juices drip onto his skin and the grass as I leaned heavily against him.

Groans faded into silence after a time, and I shifted in the former contents of my body, straddling him.

My eyes grew wide as his penis brushed my irritated skin. Had he ever been this big?

Our eyes met hungrily, and I recalled the previous times we had shared a moment of silence, breathing heavily on the fores floor, naked and wanting. Taking him by surprise, I sunk down onto him, reveling in the hitch of his breath that told me he felt it as well as I did.

He wasted no time in bucking his hips upwards, initiating a series of slow and deep thrusts.

I kissed him roughly, vaguely registering that my lips were bruised enough to bring tears to my eyes. His tongue darted into my mouth, and I returned the gesture with vigour, which was renewed each time he sighed into my mouth. I rode up and down on him, realizing that I quite liked the feeling of control the came with being on top.

My mouth parted from his, and I took a hold of his bottom lip with my teeth, pulling it forward seductively before letting my mouth travel swiftly to his neck, licking his jawline slowly first.  
"Why didn't we try this before?" I whispered into his collarbone. I thrust down onto him faster now, moaning uncontrolably against his skin, which I was now sucking at almost angrily. His reply was split by gasps of ecstacy.

"I honestly.... couldn't tell you...it doesn't feel half bad."

I grinned wolfishly, wrapping my arms around his torso and curling my fingers up around broad shoulders. They slipped on the film of sweat that covered his skin, as well as mine. Gripping him harder, my smile was wiped away as I felt my climax approaching inevitably. I pressed in around him. Once again our lips clashed, and his hands heatedly groped my breasts, kneading the formerly untouched skin.

This tipped me over, and I came first, gasping for breath in the midst of my second orgasm. Kartik came immediately after, his eyes squezed tightly shut.

We slid to the ground, panting heavily with colour exploding before our eyes. Again my vision was fading, but Ishook my head roughly to rid it of the drowsiness. Clumsily climbing off of him, I lay in the grass, letting the cool breeze whisper over my hot skin and relishing the warmth of the of the morning sun on my body at the same time.

I let my eyes flutter closed, but then they snapped open again with shock. _Morning sun?! _

Scrambling to hands and knees, I stared at the sky in total bewilderment. Dawn had passed long ago, and the faintest traces of night had been scrubbed away, leaving only lazy periwinkle blue mixed with shades of rose and orange. The sunrise was breathtaking, but I took no time to enjoy it, simply rose hastily to my feet and ran about the clearing, searching for my nightgown.

I glanced at Kartik, having forgotten him in my wild panic. The spot of grass he had previously laid upon was now unnocupied, and I noticed him in the bushes at the far side, retieving his shirt from some reluctant brambles.

Grabbing my chemise from a low tree branch, I slipped it on dreamily, my eyes glued to the rising sun. I could only guess at the time, but had a rather accurate idea of what my punishment would be for sneaking out. Not to mention the interrigation I would undoubtedly get from Felicity.

I cleared my throat meaningfully and met Kartik's sensual eyes sadly as he turned to me.

"I really do have to go now." I whispered, and he nodded in understanding.

Turning on my heel, I walked from the clearing with as much grace as I could muster in my undergarments. I had taken but three steps before my legs carried me hastily back to him, and I blushed as we shared one last kiss before I was forced to become a proper lady of Spence again.

A warm hand pressed against the small of my back, guiding me closer, and I moved in slightly before recalling the time and relucantly pulling my lips from his.

Fighting the earthy and alluring scent that shifted my thinking to often, I turned and fled into the forest.

* * *

**Kartik's POV**

I watched her scamper lightly across the grass, her small mass barely leaving imprints in the springy new earth.

Part of me wanted mothing more than to run after her, hold her in my arms again. Actually, most of me.

I pulled my shirt on slowly, then walked around the clearing, my feet dragging to eliminate the spots of flattened grass. When all the evidence was gone, I tipped my head back and gazed longingly at the sky, wishing for both out sakes that it had stayed dark and blanketing. If Gemma was caught, this could all end; and honestly, I wasn't sure if I could keep on living without it.

Thoughts of her flaming hair and gemerald eyes, sparkling with mischieviouness, had previously replaced all of my unsure thoughts about our relationship, but now that she was gone, the doubts returned, much to my dismay.

It was so wrong, so right, so perfect, so tainted, secret, unallowed, filling..... and sometime, it would have to end.

* * *

**Hey guys! Hope you liked it! I know that some of you want to experience the sex from Kartik's view, so that'll be the next chapter. Sorry it took so long, stupid fanfiction would let me sign on.... grr. Love you!!!**


	13. Traitor

**Finally! Enjoy, and the next chapter will be coming along quite soon, I should think. I've a rather intruging idea, if you know what I mean.**

* * *

Steely grey eyes glared daggers at my back; I knew the expression that Felicity was giving me all too well. Senseless eyes of mud gazed sadly at my features, as if trying to find in my skin the reason that I was not speaking to either of my dearest friends.

It seemed as if countless eyes were looking, prying, knowing. My over-tired, paranioa filled mind had me convinced that every fine young lady of Spence Academy had her innocent eyes on me, and their delicate little noses sniffing out my secrets. In fact, our class was relatively small, and the girls included were sitting upright, spines straight, staring up towards the teacher.

I knew not her name; it escaped me frequently, and I was beyond caring. She paced around, correcting girls on their work, though I couldn't tell you what the subject was.

My eyelids fluttered closed for the umpteenth time and I let them lay there. My shoulders hunched even further and my head dropped to my chest. Yet sleep shied from my yearning grasp. The sounds of girls giggling childishly eventually blended with the sharp words of my superior, and even the dull sting of Felicity's long nails pinching my skin.

I floated.

* * *

Silence. The voices were gone, and it seemed that the people had dispersed....

Oh. I was laying on soft, scentless sheets, the shared room was deserted.

Someone had pulled the curtain across our small window, and everything was a dull grey, as if all colour had been stolen from my sight. Blazing red sparkled in the corner of my eye, and I saw my wild hair had spilled down my shoulders. Some life still existed, then.

I admired the fiery shades of gold and red for several long moments, then a bubble broke in my consiousness and I came alive, rolling over to lift my mattress slightly. Peering at a sliver of wood that was the bedframe, I counted the deep scratches that marked it. They looked random, but to me they were like a language, one that I somehow knew before even birth.

Thirty-six ticks on the dark wood: thirty-six days of passion. Kartik and I had survived, though nothing was nearly as easy as we'd expected. Every day our weariness grew, until I became one of the walking dead. Kartik did not have to endure schooling as I did; he could sleep the day away.

This was my second mid-class nap, as Mrs. Nightwing called it. I had probably aqcuired a good deal of bruises from Felicity before someone carried me off to bed. Sure enough, my pale arms were blackened and sore in many spots, like old apples that have been kicked around too much by the neighborhood boys.

The rest of my body bore no visible markings, though I was always stiff and sore enough to ruin any good mood ths someone around me may have stumbled upon. No longer did I care that I was confusing and disrupting my friend's minds; my only reason for living was Kartik.

His name kept my heart beating, sent the blood flowing through my veins. I listened to my heart, sensed my blood running thick with him. Even in my worst hour, reality was swept away by him. Yet my dreams lasted for less time than usual; the curtains were raked aside, giving way to the blinding light of nature.

I blinked rapidly in response to the sudden exposure, forgetting for a moment to wonder who let the warm rays in. Green grass could barely be seen from my laying position, but I knew exactly the picture that I would see if I mustered the strength to stand up and wobble to the window. I had ghosted across the grounds too many times to forget. My surroundings gained colour, and I squinted around at the normally drab room, now illuminated and boosted to beauty by Mother Nature.

A dark shape seemed to slip through the glass, then I saw that the pane had been forced upwards. The shadowy mass was unmistakable, even though the sun behind him made details fade into nothingness. A grin immediately found it's way to my face, and I found that my muscles were suddenly powerful and limber as my legs lifted me out of the bed.

The gesture turned out to be unnecessary, though, because his toned body collided with mine, and we fell back onto the bed, our lips merged before either of us had time to think.

Though we'd never really done anything together in this room but talk, our bodies moved in synch to rotate us so that I was in the same position as before, but now I writhed in delight and shifted under him uncontrollably. We kissed heatedly, and I groped him shamelessly with my experienced fingers, as I liked to think of them.

Definitly the most skilled in Spence, where girls squealed and blushed over the most unrevealing drawings and sculptures. It reminded my of the intimate sketch that Fee, Ann, Pippa and I had swooned and giggled over just under a year ago. _How far I've come. _

In almost exactly a month and a half, I had fell in love, lost my virginity, and was still making love secretly to this day. Some would've found it sickening, but I enjoyed and remembered it fondly for the most part. Switching back to the present, I moaned quietly as he bit the inside of my lip accidentally, sending the flushing heat of arousal down from the crown of my head.

I gasped for air, and broke us only a few millimetres apart so I could speak properly.

"Kartik," I began, repeating the usual first word that came out of my mouth during our meetings. "We _really _need to talk."

Even my master o f illusions could not hide his sadness before I noticed it. So he felt it, too. A slow and accepting nod from him prodded me on. "It's still too much. The only reason I'm here is because I fell asleep in class today. Not to mention vespers yesterday."

He looked regretful as the reply gritted out of his mouth. "I know. You look so...."

I massaged his chest with my hungry fingers as the word he was lookng for came to mind. "Dead."

He nodded again, and I tiredly rolled us over, or rather suggested it as a movement and rode along as he rolled us. My tendons let loose and I relaxed on top of him, laying my head on his chest. I felt young and vulnerable, but my heart wouldn't deny the comfort.

"What are we going to do, Gemma?" his rich tones were still beautiful in defeat, and I just shook my head weakly.

"I don't know." It hurt me to utter the words once again, after forcing them out of my lips so many times, and to different people, too. His arms hugged my as close as possible, and I was suddenly nervous in the presence of a ridiculous idea.

"W-what if....what if we left?" I felt him stiffen at the comment, and looked anxiously into his concerned eyes. His tanned skin glowed in the light, and I was reminded once again of his unhuman-like beauty.

"Gemma, that would mean giving up everything: your family, your friends, your life." He wanted to. I could hear it, see it, feel it. But he loved me too much to take me away from my world. I cursed the infinite compassion that burned in both our hearts and pushed my idea on him again.

"We could go to India." Again I saw an internal fight in Kartik, and witnessed the sensible wide win out. "Where would we live? How would we pay for it? What if you wanted to go back?" His last question cut me deeply. I felt hurt welling up in my chest, making my throat tight with tears.

"I would never regret a choice made with you by my side. Whatever keeps us together is the right choice." My last statement was a flat lie, and though I wished it were true, the world was too cruel for that. A fine young English woman was no match for a penniless Indian boy. Culture was against us. Fate was against us. Society was against us. The odds were bad, too, and we could think of nothing else to do but break apart, and that was impossible. It would kill us both sooner or later.

We lay silently until the sun began to set, casting my room in millions of warm shades. Kartik shifted.

"I should go."

I shook my head feverishly, desperate for his company, though honestly I was feeling a bit naesous. He sighed as I secured my arms around him, constricting his torso in a tight grip.

"Fine." A hum of happiness escaped my lips and I snuggled into him, suddenly feeling the same undeniable need for sleep as before. But that was quickly banished when we initiated a slow kiss, driving and growing until all traces of weariness were washed away by raw feeling. We lay on our sides, entwined and sweating. Our clothing was shed recklessly, first my nightgown, which somebody must have changed me into.

It was flung onto Ann's bedpost, followed by Kartik's light trousers and shirt, which slipped off onto the floor. His strong hands tangled in my hair as mine kneaded his chest, feeling the tanned skin stretched taut over lean muscle. He moaned as I pinched and pulled. The air grew thick with heat and sounds, and only the cool air drifting in from the open window cooled us.

We forgot that we were in a girl's room at Spence's Academy for Young Ladies, about to noisily make love in a disobedient student's bed. I pressed into him, moving my knee against his erection, which sparked a nerve in my brain that covered me with a film of sweat.

Without a word or gesture, he pushed into me. I felt no pain this time; the annual discomfort had decreased gradually until I felt nearly nothing but pleasure.

Our slick bodies moved together like a well-oiled machine. My chin ground into his shoulder now and his hands roamed, finding tender spots of untouched flesh to rub gently, elicting all sorts of embarrassing sounds form my parted lips. He responded, thumping harder into me as I met every thrust, having grown more used to sex. The sheets were bunched at the foot of the small bed, and had I looked, I would've seen that Kartik's bare feet dangled over the frame by at least a foot, while my toes barely touched the raised wood, though I had long legs for a girl my age.

Our legs did not stay in one spot for long as we came simountaniouesly, writhing and grasping at the absent sheets and eachother. Our already tired muscles stretched and clenched, and I found that as we lay seemingly still, I was shaking slightly with the effort.

Kartik noticed and wrapped his strong arms around me once again, pressing my shivering form against his broad form. I stayed there, anchored to him until plodding feet suddenly approached from the hallway. We shot apart like bullets, his form moving like lightning to the rumpled clothes on the floor. I panicked and lay still, my back for once as straight as a board.

Then I sat up and grabbed at the sheets clumsily, pulling them awkwardly onto me and ducking under cover, hoping that when Ann entered she would refrain from turning the light on and let darkness mask my indecency from her. Meanwhile, Kartik stumbled around the room, pulling his clothes on in haste. Even in the dead light I could see his large, perfect eyes glinting with fright and shock.

I only stared back at him, nodding my head feebly at the window. He shook his back at me as the door swung open, and I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to think of a reasonable excuse for dear Ann. She would ge straight to Mrs. Nightwing, though. Ann was no girl for keeping secrets.

The light flickered on and I lay still, trying to look limp and asleep. I decided that I would have to throw my naked form in front of the door when Ann saw him and bar her way out.

But as my muscles tensed yet again, I felt a slight thump from under the bed. Small vibrations followed until they quieted gradually, and I realized with delight that Kartik had dove under the bed just in time to escape Ann's notice. How he must have scrunched up to fit under there with leaving a limb sticking out! Poor, wonderful Kartik.

But he must have fit, for Ann walked heavily to her bed, flopping down with a sigh before getting right back up and beginning to undress, thinking me asleep.

I kept my eyes closed while the sound of rustling and falling fabrics shallowly filled the silence, then lifted my eyelids just enough to see Ann turn around and face me. I prayed that her numb eyes would not notice my unclothed form under the thin white sheets. But it would seem that God had given me enough mercy for the last couple months, and Ann's eyes cleared slightly as they gazed in shock at me, then towards the forgotten nightgown, thrown carelessly onto her bedpost.

It was visibly wet in spots, though I guessed that Ann did not know enough outside of Spence to even wonder at the reasons. She was stock still, then, looking like a scared puppy, reached out with her chubby hand and shook my shoulder. I pretended to moan and wake from a deep slumber, looking up ather with what I hoped was a dazed expression.

"What happened?" she looked trustingly at me for a moment, then her dull cow eyes sluggishly drifted to my nightgown and returned to me unsure.

"Y-you fell asleep..or fainted, and Bridget b-brought you h-here."

I nodded as if digesting the obvious information. Ann actually mustered the courage to ask me the foreboding question. "W-what happened to your n-nightgown?"

I looked at it and shrugged, taking the first rediculous idea that sprang to mind. "I, umm... I'm trying something new?" It was so obviously fake, Ann would surely see through my lie. "Can't truly remember." I added as an afterthought, hoping that my sickness could excuse me.

She nodded eagerly, satisfied with the completely transparent lie.

"Okay. How are you feeing?" It seemed that her stutter had left with her suspicions, and I sat up with the sheets clutched to my chest and speak with her.

"Fine. I think I was just tired." This too she accepted, and I moved the subject quickly to the upcoming spring holiday.

"How many days is it until we leave for London, Ann?"

She stared at me incredulously, then answered in a louder voice than usual. "The train leaves the day after morrow."

I stared at her, searching her expression for the joke that she wished could be there. But no, Ann did not joke. She nodded solemnly, and I suddenly found our situation rather amusing. I giggled and looked at the plump girl, who was now appearing to be rather left out. "It is such a serious situation, is it not, Miss Bradshaw? What a terrible thought, that we should not be ready for a meeting with the _honourable _Simon Middleton."

At this Ann let out a rarely heard laugh, silvery and sweet. She knew of Simon's drunken attempt to take my virginity, and it made her blush at the same time. I smiled back at her, and suddenly heard an amused snort from under the bed.

Ann stopped smiling, and glanced uneasily downwards. I coughed loudly and attracted Ann's attention.

"That would just be my bed boards. They do make the most _annoying _noises sometimes." I said cheerily, putting an emphasis on annoying just for Kartik. The room was silent, and I nodded towards my abandoned chemise.

"Ann, be a dear and fetch me my gown." The girl nodded and grabbed it for me, gingerly handing the tainted garment towards me, her nose pinched. I sighed dramatically.

"Really Ann, it's not as if I've been trekking through the woods with the thing on." She giggled for the second time, ad I continued naughtily. "Or performing rather carnal acts with an Indian." I told the truth as a joke, ad Ann snorted with laughter.

She retreated to her side of the room, carefully extinguishing the light.

"G'night, Gemma."

"Night, Ann."

Darkness bathed me as I pulled on my chemise, settling in a comforable position that portrayed sleep. Hours seemed to pass, with the occasional creak from Kartik, before I judged that Ann was far away from Spence in sleep. I swung my long freckled arm down and poked Kartik, hard.

He groaned quietly and manouvered his body out from under my bed, sliding up onto the sheets with me. I kissed him passionately, keeping my moans quiet. Our hands grazed over heated skin before he pulled himself away, silently creeping to the still open window and slipped out, taking with him my need for waking life.

I sighed and sat back in bed, netting my fingers behind my head and staring up into the ceiling.

Thoughts of Spring Holiday were nagging at me, and I fretted about how I was to manage being around Simon Middleton, the rich gentleman who had tried to bed me. I still admired him, but while I was with Kartik, Simon was nothing in comparison. I mentally slapped myself for thinking of another man so soon after Kartik's departure, but Simon was a returning subject.

I would need to deal with him, and I was fairly certain that Grandmama would still be pressing me to marry the charmingly foolish man. But how could I pursue someone like Simon while having an affair with a filthy heathen, Kartik the Indian? With these horrible thoughts I grimly fell into uneasy sleep.

* * *

**Kartik's POV**

Shapes moved in the forest, enticing me further in. Yet I knew that I would find no treasures, and that if I was to wake tomorrow, I needed to find his tent and sleep. Not that I could while Gemma teased and played with me. Our parting kiss had ended much to soon, but we could risk no more with Miss Bradshaw sleeping so close.

My lips tingled with her taste. Still I headed in the intended direction, but one of the alluring shadows detached from the trees. I saw the shape of a woman, and immediately my muscles relaxed from their ready to spring position. She was shrouded in fabric, an old begger compared to Gemma's shining form. I moved into the light of the full moon, wanting a better look at her.

Suddenly dark features were revealed, a skin colour much lighter and less rich than his own, yet Indian, coated fair features and surrounded her dark, sparkling eyes. Yet he knew that shaped nose, and the black eyes that stared accusingly at him for a moment before flickering to softness, though a certain edge never left the coal black depths.

She came dangerously close, closer than any other woman than Gemma would dare come to him. Her forehead barely reached his nose, and he could do nothing but stare down at her until she spoke.

"Hello, Kartik." Her voice was strangely airy, but steely and hard. I took a shaky breath. Why was she here? I had told not her to follow me, that I could not give her what she wanted.

"Sashi."

She turned her circular face towards me; she had been named well. Sashi meant moon in her family's traditional language. I guessed that she had chosen tonight specially for their meeting. Sashi had always been extremely supersticious, and it was just like her to confront me on the night of the full moon, when she had been born and what she had been named after. She studied me with a haughty look that I hated, as if she was the former elite member of a secret organization and had travelled all over England and done all that I had.

"Where have you been?" she demanded, reminding him of his stern yet loving mother, who he did not like to think of. He crossed his arms and rocked back on his heels, towering over her.

"Around." he taunted.

She poked him in the chest and glared upwards menacingly. "Where have you been? At least tell me that; you owe me that much." I rolled my eyes, a gesture that I knew she despised.

"Just because I couldn't marry you doesn't put me in your debt."

She seemed taken aback by my bluntness, then collected herself and retorted sourly, "You didn't have to leave. You _chose _to abandon me, Kartik."

I didn't answer at first, then met her eyes brazenly.

"It was my duty," I replied mechanically, not wanting to admit that I had always been against our betrothal, which had been set since childhood.

"I had to go. Besides, a member of the Rakshana cannot marry."

She stared at me in disbelief.

"You told me the exact same thing before you left. You said..." her voice broke at this point. "You said those exact words to me before you...... before you betrayed your family."

I didn't flinch at her harsh words, but instead cut to the point.

"Why did you come, Sashi?"

She glared at me and spoke haltingly, eventually slipping into her first language. "You still have a chance."

At this she sashayed forward and leaned against my chest, trying desperately to seduct me into submission. "I'll still marry you, Kartik. I still love you."

At this statement I winced involuntarily. I had heard those words from her mouth many times before and hated that I could not return them.

I hated myself for not loving the girl back, and the pain was only made worse by her terrible infatuation that she had harboured for me since childhood.

I had responded to her kindness politely, not knowing that it would spark the idea between their parents to betroth to two at the age of ten. He did not yield to her warm body, just stood still. "I am no longer Rakshana," he told her evenly. "But I cannot marry you."

She shot back, her eyes wide with innocence and hurt. "Why?!" she cried, looking as if her heart were breaking for the second time.

"I came for you from Bombay to give you another chance... and you_.... say no_?!"

I looked pitifully at her, the girl I'd never loved, and thought again of Gemma. I wondered whether to speak of her when the inevitable question came from Sashi.

"Why?" she whispered. I decided to tell her the truth; she was right about him owing her an explanation.

"There.... there's someone else." I stated plainly, suddenly finding the ground extremely interesting. I scrutinized it while she caught her breath and contemplated. Silence followed. Then her footsteps came to me until I could see her bare feet in my downwards gaze.

"Kartik!" her voice was sharp and commanding, and me head instinctively shot up. She glared at me with cold eyes, and then like a lightning bolt, she slapped me across the cheek.

My eyes never left hers, and I held her gaze steadily while she lifted another hand and struck me again. The sting on my cheeks went unnoticed for the most part; I was too busy wondering if I had made the right choice.

She slapped me again. Harder. Again. Harder. _Again. Harder. _

I stood my ground and took it, knowing that she had good reasons, and that I deserved the punishment. Finally, she stopped, panting heavily with a red face. I watched her carefully and then offered the only comfort that I could. "I'm sorry."

She looked at me, then suddenly her expression went from rage to a more unreadable emotion.

"I know."

She spoke softly, and with genuine feeling; she could see that my heart was elsewhere, and had finally realized that it had never been with her.

* * *

I was asleep.

Wasn't I?

It was impossible to tell as I drifted through the forest, flickering in and out of sight in the light of the full moon. Something was pulling me forwards, and I did not fight it; it was leading me in the direction of Kartik's tent.

However, I did not get nearly that far. Coming upon a patch of moonlight, I spotted two figures standing close. The first I recognized immediately, but the second I couldn't even tell the gender of; it was shrouded completely in fabric.

The person turned their face and I saw for a split second the round face of an Indian woman. At this identification I stiffened; what was Kartik doing with her? The woman had advanced on Kartik, snaking her short arms as far around his torso as she could get them.

Her lips were moving in speech, but I could not hear the words. The vision suddenly turned cloudy and muddled, the lines and colours all mixing together until I could no longer make them out in the mess, not that I wanted to. Bile rose in my throat at the thought of my Kartik locked in embrace with the woman, so soon after being with me, and not caring.

Now the world began to clear, but was only twisted and blurred again by my sharp rising tears. I reached up to rub them furiously away and saw that my hands were almost transculent, a weak porcelain that confirmed that this was a dream. Either that, or I was terribly drunk.

When I removed my nearly invisible hands from my reddened eyes, I saw that I was in a dark room, illuminated by nothing but a circle of slow burning candles in what I assumed was the very centre.

A figure knelt in the ring of light, looking solemn and tiny.

Suddenly more candles flickered into sight high above the man, just outlining the shapes of nearly a dozen cloake figures standing behind low railing. A shiver found it's way down my spine at the sight of them; intimidating figures magnified by the gargantuan shadows the the candlelight splashed against the wall.

As in most visions, I was glad that they could not see me, floating in between them and the pitiful figure that cowered in reverence before them. Looking closer at the figure, I saw a head of dark, curly hair hiding the downwards facing features that I was now eager to view. A deep commanding voice came from the railing, though it was impossible to tell which man was speaking; their large hoods overshadowed even their mouths, and I could not tell where the voice was coming from.

He spoke slowly and with power, but I could not discern what was said; it was as if the hearing block that I had experienced during the prior scene was fading slowly out. He finished the short sentence and nothing else came out of the darkness for a moment. Then he spoke again, if it was indeed him, sounding suddenly angry.

Movement from the bowed man caught my eye, and she squinted at him as he reluctantly raised his head. I gasped as Kartik's face was turned up at me, looking more scared and submissive than I had ever seen him.

What could frighten him this much?

Why was he here?

His traitorous lips moved in answer to whatever the men had asked him, uttering only a short sentence. I drifted around the room as they conversed tensely, waiting impatiently for my ears to start working.

Floating close to one of the men, I reached out with a ghostly hand, reaching for his hidden face and then withdrawing hastily as his cold breath coated my skin with goosebumps. What was going on? I shouldn't be able to feel anything.

Backpedalling uselessly in the air, I willed my body to move towards Kartik. Hovering directly in front of him, I looked into his eyes, admiring the fiery effect that the reflecting candles gave him. His rich skin glowed in the low light, the edges of his hair illuminated like a halo. He seemed to be staring straight at me, but really the crystal depths were fixed on one of the mysterious men, probably the one speaking.

Waving my hand in front of his face, I noticed that I could not sense any heat coming from his skin, and when I tried to touch the pad of my index finger to his proud nose, my arm disappeared into him, as if he wasn't there at all. Or as if I wasn't there at all.

So the men were different. Suddenly my ears popped and sound flooded in, not that there was much to hear except voices.

"Woo her," stated a suddenly deep and clear voice. "if necessary."

While I puzzled over this, Kartik's eyes grew unsure and his expression skeptical.

"She is not so easily wooed." he replied with a certain degree of respect that I normally reserved for my high superiors, such as Mrs. Denby or the headmistress pf Spence, Mrs. Nightwing. These men obviously held a great power over Kartik.

"Any girl can be wooed." The mysterious leader said harshly, raising his voice enough to make Kartik quiver live a leave in the wind and look down at his knees once again. Still the man continued, softening his tone slightly.

"It is merely a question of finding the right tool. Your brother, Amar, was quite skilled at keeping the girl's mother on our side." Though for the moment I had no idea what he was talking about, I could sense that he was playing a cruel and desperate card: challenging Kartik to do better than his elder brother.

Kartik's stubborn personality was too much like mine; I knew that he could not stand to not take up the challenge. It would be a blow to his dignity, not to mention the ego that I knew every man posessed. But I did not see his response, for the foreboding scene faded and swirled into oblivion and I shot upwards in bed, thoughts racing through my mind.

It was suddenly obvious who they had been discussing. The image of Amar walking swiftly through the crowd with my mother, whispering a warning into her ear, filled my vision. I bristled at the idea of my mother consorting with anyone other than Father, having a secret relationship with her guardian.

_Sounds familiar. _

I cringed. It did. I was doing the same thing; how could I critisize her? Actually, I was doing worse. My mother had not bedded with Amar, of that I was sure. I'd been with her every day of our time in India, and she never came home late from anywhere, not even once.

I had made love with Kartik countless times.

_You are not married, nor are you the mother of two children. _

My stubborn mind was right, for once. My mother had had a commitment and I did not. Not overly, at least. Grandmama still considered me to be Simon's future wife, but I had no mind for that. Still, it reminded me how wrong our meetings were, how indecent our attraction really was.

I would have to face Simon sometime; no doubt Grandmama had told him that my refusal was simply re-wedding jitters. And maybe they would've been, if not for Kartik.

Kartik, who did not love me.

Kartik, who had lied to me.

Kartik, who had pried me away from my happy future with an English husband. One that I hadn't wanted in the first place.

But I could have lived with it, not knowing the feeling of true, wild love. I did love Simon, but in a totally diferent way than Kartik. They were polar opposites, and I had fallen for them both. But each had not been what they had first seemed. Simon had thirsted for my body to soon.

_If he had waited a bit longer before approaching me, I would've given in to him_, I realized.

But Kartik, Kartik had won me over. I had given in to him, wanted him, and it was all an act. He did not love me, he was still a tool of the Rakshana. Of course, that was who they had been! The leaders of his mysterious organization. So he hadn't left them, and was now wooing me for one of their sick plans.

_I was there when he left them; it was no act._

_It had to have been. Either that, or he went crawling back to them. Bastard. _

_No, he loves me! Why would he take our realtionship so far if his only orders were to woo me and keep me on track? _

_Have you really forgotten what men can be like? They'll take sex any way they can get it. _

The cold version of myself reminded me of Felicity; cruel and truthful, ripping fantasies away in favour of nightmares. And worst of all, always right.

I was frozen on the spot, my mind spinning like a hurricane while my body was immobilized. Kartik did not love me. Every touch, every kiss, every sound had been _fake. _For a moment, I was to shocked to cry. Then I flopped back in bed, tears burning their way up my throat like an oncoming flood.

I fought to hold them back, told myself to be strong. But my throat ached with sadness until I gave in, and the tears came freely. I rolled over, smothering my face in my pillow, trying to quiet the sounds of greif that would surely wake every girl in Spence. The image of Kartik and the Indian woman sprang to mind before I could stop it, bringing another wave of salty tears.

So that was who he really loved. Who he would break the bindings of the Rakshana for.

The beautiful, exotic woman that made me seem dreadfully plain in comparison. I wondered how far they'd gone that night, whenever it was. The vision pulsed beneath my eyelids, and I realized that the moon had been full. Tonight was full moon, and Kartik's clothing had been just as disarragned as it was when he snuck out the window just a few hours ago.

Kartik had made love to me, then walked to meet his true love in the forest only moments after.

I wondered if he'd ever called out her name instead of mine, if I'd just brushed it off in ignorance. My tears soaked the pillowcase quickly, and I turned it over to absorb more. My chest ached unbearably, and I felt as if my heart was really breaking. I curled up in a ball and lay there, hiccupping myself into a fitful doze.

* * *

**Okay there it is, even longer than the last one, I do believe. Please review, and keep reading; the next chaper will be... fiery. ;)**


	14. Regret

_Traitor._

_Bastard. _

_Liar._

These words repeated in my head like an obsessive chant, along with many others not appropiate for the use of a proper lady. I wished desperately to say them out loud, but my rage had not yet escalated to that point; I was not angry enough to disgrace my family and be kicked out of Spence because of the filthy heathen.

His face was in my mind, as usual, but now I fantasized about marring his deceptively beautiful face with my bare hands. I would not need a weapon.

This idea pleased me greatly, though he was strong enough that I would be overcome by the time I got one satisfying punch in. I'd heard that love could sometimes lend a person uncanny strength, but something told me that it did not excatly work that way with hate. Actually, hate was not a strong enough word for what I was feeling. I was blind with rage, my reasons almost forgotten.

Clenching my hands tightly at my sides, I stomped alongside Felicity to some class or other. We had just finished breakfast, and I recalled that today art was to be our first subject. Mrs. Nightwing wanted us to meet out new teacher, Mrs. Braun, as soon as possible.

Her name seemed awfully plain, and I could clearly imagine Ann taking on such a surname and becoming even more dull, if that was possible. Perhaps she and Mrs. Braun would become friends. Yeah, right.

They would shy around eachother like mice, if indeed they were of the same personality. If not, Mrs. Braun would treat Ann as every other teacher did: with disdain and cruelty. My wicked smile at the thought of Ann and her soulmate disappeared as I adminoshed myself for being so beastly, even if it was just in my mind. Ann deserved some compassion, and it seemed that I was the only person able to give it to her, Felicity being the fox-hearted witch that she was. The witch in question glanced at my with an amused expression that irked me greatly.

As if she was wise.

As if she knew what I was thinking, and thought it funny.

As if she was an experienced woman laughing at the antics of a young girl.

"What?" I snapped, feeling that I would greatly enjoy ripping her perfect, blonde hair off of her scalp. Bad Gemma.

She only widened her eyes in fake innocence, then spoke in a matching tone.

"Whatever has gotten into you, Gemma dear?"

I snorted and dismissed her, suddenly craving the freedom of Spring Holiday that would free me from my arogant friend. Mrs. Nightwing was taking mercy on us, it seemed, and we were to be sent home right after the noon meal to our various families. I had only a few classes between me and disinprisonment.

Ann stumbled up on my other side, looking lost, as usual. She said nothing, just aimed her head at the smooth stone floor and filed after us into our classroom.

I shoved past Felicity and took a seat at the back, giving her the cold shoulder as she sat down beside me, pretending to examine her empty canvas. My eyes furiously roamed the room, looking at anything but everything, it seemed. I wished not to look at the girls, or out of the large, luxurious window that faced the heart-breaking forest. Finally I fixed my burning gaze on my hands, clasped tightly in my lap.

The door opened smoothly, and my head swiveled to stare at the woman that had entered, her expensive shoes clacking on the hard floors. Every girl scrutinized her, examining every inch of her strange form, from the beautifully painted clip in her red-blond hair to her strange clothes. Her dress bagged and hung in all the wrong places, yet it did not look all that bad.

She looked a bit frightened, especially when her eyes landed on me and Felicity, glaring at her sharply; Felicity because she was terrible, and me because I was in a dreadful mood.

She seemed much more frightened of me though, and I saw that she was not the kind of woman that was easily intimidated, but knew enough to tell that I was murderously angry at someone, and had already decided to stay out of my way until I cooled down. After taking us in, she smiled and made her way to the front, carrying with her a small canvas and set of paints. In the crook of her arm a delicate brush lay.

She set all this up at the front, and turned to us, the orange fabric of her dress swishing. It settled as she spoke, and I watched until it stilled, catching only the end of her speech.

"...think that for today I'll have you doing some abstract. Just paint or sketch whatever is in your heart; this should be a good way for me to get to know you, as well."

Her voice was even, and she finished with a little smile that nobody returned. Standing from my stool and walking slowly to the front of the room, I picked out a particularilly dark set of colours and brought them back, immediately drenching my brush in a rather haunting green. As I began to paint, Mrs. Braun walked by and appraised my colour choice carefully.

"An interest set of colours you have there, Miss..."

I did not answer her for a moment, then broke the awkward silence with a curt reply.

"Gemma Doyle."

She nodded and said something about being interested in seeing what my painting turned out like and moved on, commenting on Ann's sketch with encouragement; maybe the two _would_ be friends.

This went on while I tuned myself out of life, focusing on the dreadful motives that fueled my painting. A few times I sense Mrs. Bruin standing behind me, and imagined her plain face twisted slightly in a look of concern that I knew she wore. Any sensible person would, glancing at my gruesome scene. Finally I finished, adding a splash of crimson before sitting back and admiring my work.

It was ghastly.

I'd never been more proud.

Many shades of forest green blended in the background, portraying a dark and foreboding forest. In the shadows a shape lingered, the outline of a shapely woman, standing eerily out of clear sight. Only her arms could be seen, pale and ghostly in the moonlight, which filtered through the foliage. they were withdrawing, still curved ever so slightly as if they had been around someone.

Another person was in the painting, falling through the air with loose limbs. Blood drenched the back of his shirt, and was splattered visibly on the grass surrounding the strange pair. They were still close, and when one noticed the bloody knife in the woman's hands it was obvious what had happened.

The man's eyes could not be seen, but the hair was dark, curls invisible in the choking blackness. He was falling backwards, away from his killer. Everything was unrealistically dark; even the blood that tainted nearly everything in the picture was a darker and richer red than blood should be. Only the woman's eyes shone through the gloomy film, brighter than even the stars.

High above, a full moon shone down on them. In it's swirls and craters of colour a smiling face could be discerned.

Felicity gasped and giggled as she took all this in, and girls started to turn and gape at my creation, pulling at others to look upon it as well. Finally Mrs. Braun drifted over, her dainty hands covering her mouth in shock before she collected herself.

She looked at my satisfied grin with confusion and said haltingly, "Miss Doyle... dear, what... _inspired_ you to paint something like th-this?"

I could see that she had trouble think of a word, and simply shrugged, eyes still fixed on it.

"I couldn't really say, Mrs. Braun." She shook her head and looked around, as if making sure that no other girl had picked up on my ideas. Luckily for her, every other girl had drawn a blooming meadow or a simply plain landscape.

She gazed at me once more, puzzled. Then, a most unexpected sentence came out of her mouth:

"Well done, Miss Doyle."

* * *

Ann stared longingly at me as I packed my bags, looking like a lost puppy begging not to be ignored.

"I'll be back in a couple of weeks, Ann."

She did not answer, just adjusted her expression slightly, as if embarrassed that her jealously and sadness had been so noticable.

"Will you see Tom much?" she asked suddenly, staring at the floor. I wanted horribly to tell her that my brother was a lost hope, but as usual, I was to much of a ninny.

"I should think not. He will most likely be trying to seduce senile old women at the mental hospital."

Ann giggled freely, finding the joke amusing even though it was aimed at her dream husband. She quieted as Felicity swept into the room, knocking into me with a exaggerated embrace.

"I've come to say good-bye; my carriage is due any minute now."

I did not hug her back, only answered robotically, "Bye, Fee."

She looked hurt, but I was sure it was just an act. Then she glanced at Ann with disdain and sniffed, turning smartly on her heel and leaving us as abruptly as she had come. I returned to packing and shoved the last of my dresses into an already full bag.

Just then, Bridget peeked into the room, bowing her head in my direction.

"Yer ride is 'ere, Missus."

I nodded at her and smiled. "Thank you, Bridget."

Then I looked at Ann, who seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"Good-bye Ann. I shall see you soon."

I walked to her and wrapped my arms around her cold, plump body, feeling somewhat gratified when she returned the gesture awkwardly.

"Take care." I whispered, and then handed my bags to Bridget and left her, hurrying to meet my carriage at the front door. I didn't bother to wait for someone to open the door for me; I was so eager to escape the the cold stone temple of heartbreak and scandal that I nearly ran to the carriage, drawing a condecending look from the carriage driver.

He helped me in and I buzzed around impatiently while he took my bags from Bridget and spoke to the horses, setting them clopping along the narrow road, away from Spence.

It did not surprise me that I was alone in the carriage; my family was probably shunning me as a result of my refusal to marry Simon.

_Well, _I decided, _they're just going to have to put up with me. I'm in love wi-_

I blinked as Irealized that that sentence was no longer appropiate. Kartik had lied to me, I did not love him. I was a free woman, prefectly ready to start my season with a _bang_. Simon was more than worthy to be my first sutior, if he would take me back.

Of course he would; I was the irresistable Miss Gemma Doyle. I smiled at the title, though Kartik's betrayal made it untrue. Well, I would show that bastard that I was not totally love sick for him. He would beg me for forgiveness, and I would refuse him.

These forbidden schemes were brewing quite nicely when I arrived at the train station. Allowing the carriage driver to assist me, I headed towards my train with him in tow, carrying my bags and a sour expression. It did not take me long to settle in, and soon I was sitting back in a plush and comforable seat, watching the train fill with rich couples and lone girls like myself.

We chugged gradually into motion, picking up speed until the scenery whisked by, blurred by speed. I think that I fell asleep, for when my eyes opened a train worker was shaking my shoulder.

"We've arrived, Miss."

I nodded and thanked him, suddenly longing for my own bed. My back was stiff from the seat, and I moaned as it stretched in discomfort at my movement. Filing out of he train with other tired passengers, I waited at the assigned spot for my brother to pick me up.

Unlike last time, my contempuous brother arrived on time, taking my arm with a simple greeting and letting somebody else worry about my baggage. He was silent for a moment, then spoke without a glance at me.

"So, sister, have you been made into a proper lady yet, or shall we buy you a permanent residence at Spence's respectable Academy?"

I snorted and climbed into a taxi with him, snapping back with a quick retort.

"Funny, I've been thinking that you should look into an apartment for yourself, Tom. I'm sure a lady such as yourself would find the accommadations quite pleasing."

He turned red and did not answer, opting to ignore me for the rest of the ride. A question burned in my mind, but I did not wish to speak first.

Worry won over.

"How's Father?"

Tom straightened, glancing in the cab driver's direction before answering, "His flu has receded somewhat. The doctor says that he shall pull out of it in a matter of weeks."

I nodded, knowing that this was all for the sake of the cab driver, who could not hear us anyway. What he meant was that Father had not had his lunduam for some time now, and that if it continued, he could still pull out.

Hope once again flared up, and this time it burned lowly for as long as I could allow.

* * *

Something tapped the window. I lay still, fairly sure of who it was. I would not speak to him.

A larger rock bouced off the window, loudly enough to rouse someone in another room.

What was he thinking? My whole house could wake up! Still I relented from going to the window, until what sounded like a boulder hit the glass with a crack. I shot up, angrily rushing to the window and checking for cracks. Luckily, it was untarnished.

Sliding the frame upwards, I leant out of the window just in time for a good sized pebble to hit me smack in the forehead. I gasped and held my stinging head, swearing into the open air.

"What?" I hissed venomously, now even angrier then before.

"Gemma? Why didn't you say good-bye?"

His voice rose out of the inky blackness, igniting rage in my stomach.

"Kartik, don't play innocent." He did not answer. "I saw her. I know your mission. Just stop pretending."

Another silence followed and I began to wonder if he had simply left me to have a conversation with the cool, night air.

"Gemma? What are you talking about?" the questin was sudden, and he sounded genuinely confused, though I knew that it was just an act.

My blood boiled and I wished that he was close enough for my arm to swing out and strike him down. I pulled angrily back into the room and shut the window firmly, flopping into bed in a huff.

Why couldn't he just admit it and say he was sorry, or admit it and say what I already knew: that he did not love me.

I wanted to cry again, but swallowed hard and denied myself the luxury. If I was going to make him pay, I had to forget my own feelings, and focus on his. A plan already formed in my head; I would court Simon, and any other gentleman that came my way. I would make Kartik lust for me like he always said that he did. Reluctantly rising from bed, I walked to the calendar that hung by my door and checked the date to make sure. Moonlight illuminated the smooth paper and targeted a scribble of writing that I had hastily added before settling down to sleep.

_Dinner party at Middleton's  
Four-thirty sharp  
Buy dress_

The date was set for the day after morrow, leaving me just enough time to find a suitable dress. Grandmama had insisted that I buy a new one, to make a second debut and please the rich family.

She really thought that the latest fashions of spring would bring a broken engagement to life.

If everything went as planned, I could do it with no clothing at all.

* * *

Simon Middleton paced through the dining room frantically, reliving his every moment with Gemma Doyle. So far he had spent a useless half hour trying to figure out how to act around the mysterious girl. And after all that, his only conclusion was: _she's totally unpredictable. _

The upcoming dinner party had been announced a few days ago, but he was still scrambling to find the right words of apology for Gemma. Her taunting green eyes and fiery locks always played an important part in his dreams, and now he could witness her in person; pure, untainted Gemma.

Then again, he would not put it past the bold maiden to taint herself carelessly before being married. Though hopefully, the only way that that would happen would be through him. He scolded himself for thinking of such things, and fought to keep his body from reacting too obviously to the carnal fantasies. They were exactly what had driven he and Gemma apart in the first place.

At least, he hoped that that was the only reason. Simon scowled at the thought of Gemma having thoughts of another man.

But how could she? He was all that every English girl wanted, was he not? Rich, handsome, witty; he had it all, and Gemma had no reason to refuse that.

Not twice.

He grew even more confident with every passeding second until a knock at the door came and sent his ego plummeting once again. Trying to look nonchalant, he opened the door and faced the Doyle's. First came Mrs. Doyle, Gemma's rather controlling grandmother. Holding her arm was Gemma's father, looking quite recovered from his sudden sickness.

Tom swept into the house, pompous and proud, taking no heed of younger sister, who floated in behind him, taking Simon's breath away. Lady Denby had arrived, and channelled the guests into the sitting room for tea, sweeping Gemma away from his longing eyes. She only looked at him once, a naughty glance that accompanied a soft brush against his chest as she walked gracefully by. Simon shivered wih anticipation.

It seemed that pleading for forgiveness would be unneccessary after all. Following close behind into the plush, furnished room, Simon took a seat beside her as a maid dutifully poured tea, carefully avoiding notice.

Gemma stiffened for a moment then forcefully relaxed; perhaps she was not as happy to see him as he was to set eyes on her, in her breath-taking rose dress, tailored perfectly to her body, raising her firm breasts teasingly up at him. An elegant necklace fell about her neck, sparkling in the warm light. The reddish coloured pearls matched her earings, and altogether the pallet made her pale skin appear earthy and flushed.

Her freckles were beautifully sprinkled across an accented nose, spicing her features with colour and diversity from other girls that he had courted.

She glanced shyly at him, then smiled descreetlywhen nobody was looking. He returned he gesture, looking up from her spell-binding image just in time to hear his mother suggest that they remain in the sitting room while the party moved on. Simon nodded and smiled at the guests, trying to look trustworthy as he silently reassured her grandmother. Everyone slowly filed out, admiring large meaningless paintings as they went.

Gemma looked nervous for a moment, then the expression was exchanged for a dazzling smile.

"You look well, Mr. Middleton."

He smiled back at her and replied curteously, "Not nearly as breath-taking as you, Miss Doyle."

Her complexion reddened and he smiled wider, finding that he quite enjoyed it when she looked sheepishly at him with those bashful eyes.

"I hope that you will forgive me for my disgraceful behaviour, Mr. Middleton, it was quite inexcusable."

Simon wanted to scream at the formality, but he only shrugged playfully and answered, "I cannot seem to recall you doing anything that was not _extremely_ attractive, Miss Doyle."

Just as her flaming face had cool down, it roared up again, making him laugh.

"Would you like to view my mother's new vase, Miss Doyle? I am quite assured that you would like it."

The wild beauty nodded and took his arm as he stood, letting the tall man guide her to a seperate room, further from the guests. She could suddenly sense Kartik's eyes on her through the large window, and cursed her father for hiring the man twice, thinking him a close relative in his previous stupour.

Suddenly a wild idea crashed into her head and she acted upon it rashly, pressing close to Simon and leaning on his strong frame. He did not comment, but supported her like a gentleman to a elegantly carved table, where an absoulutely dreadful vase stood among china bowls and other treasures, holding a set of brilliant lily's, purple and rose.

I murmured a compliement and watched as he reached to it and plucked a lightly painted looking violet flower from it, presenting it to me in a royal manner. I pretended to fawn over it, and hated myself for stooping to such a level. However, a glance out the window reminded me of the objective, and I accepted the gift as he entwined it carefully in my locks.

His heat was all around me, and I threw him a flirtatious glance, copied from none other than the dangerous Felicity Worthington. He took my hand gently, and I leaned even further into him, until my chest almost brushed his. I saw him swallow, and then in a sudden burst of madness I kissed him, slowly working my arms around his neck and opening my mouth to allow him access.

His tongue dance clumsily with mine, and I felt a mild flash of scorn at his inexperience. His hands were placed firmly on my hips, keeping my body pressed to his. Heat rose off of us in waves, and finally he broke the kiss, looking me up and down before stepping away.

"Gemma wha-"

I silenced him with a wave of my hand, noting how he had switched back to my first name.

"I am sorry. I just wanted to apologize properly for being so stubborn that night."

He looked at me with hunger, and I recognized lust creepng into his features like an uninvited beast. Was this what Kartik had meant when he said that Simon looked at me like a ripe piece of fruit?

"That's quite alright. I daresay that I enjoyed it thoroughly. In fact, I wouldn't mind another apology," he said with a wink.

I smirked back at him, and began to answer, when a earsplitting crash came from the window, and I looked just in time to notice Kartik slipping out of view, skillfully fleeing back to the carriage.

A rather large stone had landed with a thud on the expensive flooring. A small sound of surprise and terror escaped my lips before I could rein it in. Then I kepy my mouth shut tight and simply focused on looking like a proper lady should when assalted from afar.

Simon, however, looked frightened and confused as well. He was staring at the large, noticable imperfection in the glass; Kartik's arm was strong enough to put a round hole in the window. Luckily, the whole window had not shattered.

Lord Denby popped into the room, his face taking on an angered expression as he took in the ruined glass.

"What has happened here?"

I had already decided that our kiss was being changed to a pleasant chat when the story was retold, and immediately launched into the lie. The red-faced gentleman grew calmer as I innocently explained that we'd merely been discussing the pity of all the slums in London when the rock had come flying at the window for no apparent reason.

He didn't look the least bit skeptical, and even pulled a sympathetic face by the time I was done. Luckily he failed to notice the flower tucked into my hair, which wasn't a surprise seeing as Simon had picked a shade that complimented my dress greatly, causing the flower to appear as a mere accessory.

Grandmama and Lady Denby swept into the room, though the effect was much more graceful on Simon's beautifully cold mother. Her eyes widened ever so slightly as she saw the damage, then flicked immediatley to Simon and I, as if assuring herself that we looked shocked and guiltless enough.

"What is this?" she asked tautly, her voice stretched and tense.

I simply continued to look confused and (hopefully) unknowing as Lord Denby explained to his wife and my suspicious looking grandmother what I'd told him.

Tom entered, his face draining quickly as soon as he'd registered the situation. His lips were pressed together in a line as he turned his accusing gaze to me, but I deflected the glare and stole another glance out the window, noticing that the scene looked absolutely serene despite the heathen who had been lurking in the tailored greenery only seconds before.

* * *

**Kartik's POV**

I brought the horses to a stop, reining them in softly in front the the Muddleton's little hut. In reality, it was the largest establishment that I had ever seen, but jealousy over-ruled that fact and I tried not so make a sour face as Gemma and her family left the carriage and made their way to the doorstep.

Mrs. Doyle rapped promptly on the door with a great golden knocker and waited, fiddling with her dress until none other than Mr. Simon Muddleton answered the door. I watched from a distance, scowling at the hunger in his gaze that flamed up as he looked at Gemma, who obviously still held his favour though she had refused him.

The door shut firmly behind the Doyle's and I sighed, trying not to think of Gemma and her unreasonable behaviour. Her accusations were complete nonsense, but I had to apologize if she was ever going to forgive me.

Patting the horses's necks softly I left them, sure that they would be there when I got back. During my previous employment at the Doyle house I'd snuck them extra oats on the cold nights; they had become rather attached to me.

Following the progress of the party throughout the house, I observed with silent rage as Gemma amd Simon were left in the same room. My eyes widened as I notcied Gemma moving gradually closer to the unsuspecting fop, her gait inviting.

_What is she doing? Gemma is no whore! _

Then her jade eyes took on an all too familiar look, one of lust and fiery softness. Simon was eyeing her in a most horrible way, and I could nearly see the vivid fantasies that were going on in his head right then. Well, I could, seeing as I had experienced them.

Backing up into the wall of ferns, I lurked in the greenery as Gemma brought her lips to his, pressing unneccissarily close to his body. Had they even exchanged any words before initiating the kiss?

Of course they had, but I had been too focused on what she was going to do that I hadn't seen her present actions.

I noticed a beautiful flower in her hair, staying put even through their intense movements. My eyes narrowed as I recognized the flower as part of a horrible bouquet on the table. What a cliche.

However, Gemma didn't seem to think so.

Jealousy rose like poison in my veins, giving my gut a sour feeling that I knew was pathetic and bitter, but couldn't control. Before I realized what I was doing, my calloused hands had found a palm-fitting stone and my eyes were measuring the distance between my hiding spot and the large, expensive looking window. Not a sliver of doubt was in my mind as I rocked back and slung the heavy object forward, nearly stumbling to my knees with the momentum.

My arm smarted slightly with the strain, but a smile of satisfaction still reached my lips as it hit the glass with a crack. But the foolish grin vanished as I saw the large and spreading mark, along with the hole that the rock had made. Had I really thrown it that hard?

It was to late to take back now, and I pushed myself back into the bushes just as both their heads whipped around, their bodies magically separating at the same time. I swear that Gemma's pleasantly startled eyes landed on me for a moment, but then she was consumed by the frenzy of the Lord and Lady Denby, fluttering around in a panic.

Wondering if Gemma would possibly tell the rich snobs who had thrown the stone, I darted back to the carriage, staying out of sight from the grand windows. Returning to the horse's curious and seemingly critical gaze, I winked at him and returned to my seat, tipping my hat forwards and uttering one sentence before descending into a fake sleep.

"You'd have done the same."

* * *

**Gemma's POV**

I sat in an old armchair, fighting the urge to throw my sewing needle onto the carpet.

We had arrived home much too early, and I was now sighing with boredom. The dinner party had not lasted long after dinner, though Grandmama managed to keep everyone talking for quite a long while about the kind of hooligans that would dare to throw rocks at the house of such a renowned family.

Hating to relive the party except for my idiotic actions, which I liked to think were witty, I excused myself from the lifeless house with an excuse about checking on the horses. I changed into an older dress of mine and headed out to the near-empty stables where I knew Kartik would be waiting. He sat on the same stool as he had that other night, when I had snatched from Emily her quality time with Kartik.

I leaned against the stable entrance and came in, sitting disgracefully on a bale of hay. Kartik looked up from the thin stick that he was shaving away at with a pocket knife and met my eyes shamefully.

"Kartik."

I followed procedure by saying his name as some sort of greeting, and he returned it reluctantly.

"Gemma."

I stared him in the face and spoke plainly.

"That was ghastly, what you did today. What you've been doing to me for months."

I gave him time to defend himself, which he took. "Gemma, what have I been doing that's so horrible?"

I glared at him with cold hatred and answered for the sake of swiftness.

"Lying to me. Saying that you loved me and then returned to your other woman, the Indian one." Kartik looked bewildered, and the suspicious. "Where have you seen Sashi?"

I kept my expression blank and steely.

"A vision. I also saw you agreeing to woo my for some twisted mission. I saw you promise to lie for your imbecilic little club of magicians."

Kartik was speechless, able to do nothing but shake his head.

"That was long ago, that promise. Long before I left the Rakshana."

I accepted this mostly just so that I could hear him try to make up an excuse for this 'Sashi' character.

"And your other woman?"

He flinched as I spit the words at him, tilting his head to look up at the wooden ceiling.

"She is not mine," he started, as if choosing his words carefully. "I do not love her."

Before I could snap back with a sarcastic reply, a famililar feeling of lightness fogged over my mind, and I fell to the soft ground as explosions of colour erupted behind my lids. Vaguely I felt strong, wiry arms enveloping my body, pulling me up, but then I was whisked away from feeling and back to the forest. Whipping around in the dark, I wondered why I had been brought back here, where my soul had been shattered. Was fate really cruel enough to drag me back and stomp all over the pieces?

A sound drifted to my ears. A whispered word, tense and hateful. I turned, and saw them, just as before. But this time, when the scene played I did not lose contact as the two embraced; sluggishly my mind took in confusing movements: Kartik pushing her away, looking guilty. The woman staring in amazment and hurt, striking him out of anger.

I saw her run from him and into the trees, hasty to forget him, it seemed. His head turned in the direction of Spence, and the lips whose touch I had missed terribly twisted in a frown. His gaze was drawn back to the trees where Sashi had disappeared, and his figure seemed frozen in time, a solemn statue alone in the universe.

"_Gemma!"_

I bolted upright, gasping for breath after my vision. It was all so clear now, and my actions looked extremely foolish. I could not bring myself to look at him, to tell him that I was sorry. He let his cradling arms fall from my body, most likely remembering that we could be seen here, though luckily I had stormed a good way into the stables and we would not be seen from the house.

I scrambled to my feet, staring intently at the curious horses, looking at me with bunches of hay half out of their mouths. Kartik rose slowly and silently from his crouch and looked at me with a similar expression; he did not know that I had seen him refuse the beautiful girl in favour of me.

My chest heaved as I caught my breath, no doubt looking absolutely rediculous. Kartik's eyes were killing me. Refusing to meet them, I stared fixedly at my bare feet, suddenly regretting not wearing boots out of the house, as if decency were an issue. My mouth opened to release an explanation, some sort of apology, but I couldn't form words quite yet. He stayed totally still.

Just then the door that I had come through swung open, and I stiffened as footsteps hurried towards the stables. They sounded rushed and excited, and I guessed that it was Emily, the pretty serving girl who often waited on me.

My brain was screaming at me to turn and go, avoid being caught alone with him, but the thought only kicked in as Emily swept clumsily into the stables, stopping short as she saw me standing only a couple feet away from Kartik, his arms still slightly outstretched in case I swooned again. She stuttered for a few moments, then I excused myself harshly and scurried away, mumbling an already used excuse about a lesson on carriage safety.

You could've heard a pin drop in the silence that followed as I swept into the house, running to my room without even a hello or explanation to Tom, whose eyes never left my back as I hopped up the stairs.

"Gemma?"

I ignored his blunt inquiry and slipped into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I heard Grandmama's busybody nature take over as she spoke to Tom, who uttered only a short reply.

Shutting my ears off from them, I stripped down and climbed into bed naked. I didn't bother to fish a chemise out of my wardrobe.

The sunset didn't come for quite some time, reminding me vaguely of summer's fast approach.

Regret swirled around me, overloading my brain until the curses against myself were pushed out of my mouth and into the sheets. I beat at the bed, wishing I was tough enough or had the element to my personality that would let me do all that to myself, beat the rage out. I wished that it was Sashi's supple flesh I was tearing at, so that all this could be erased.

If not for her, I wouldn't have gone ahead and courted Simon, or yelled at Kartik, or even really been mad in the first place. Except for being sour about Kartik's former orders for a while, my anger would have simmered down into nothing...... it was Sashi's fault.

It was Mother's fault, for passing this gift on to her daughter in the first place.

It was Simon's fault, for asking for my hand and loving me, giving me the idea to return the love out of spite for Kartik.

It was my fault.

* * *

LOVE YOU! SORRY I'M ALL HAPPY, JUST GLAD TO BE FINISHED!


	15. Reunions & Sicknesses

**Sorry this has taken so long! **

* * *

Simon's sharp eyes followed me dangerously across the floor, burning holes into my exquisitly fitted dress. I could just imagine the crimson fabric sizzling with heat and crumbling into ash under his gaze.

The dress was thre best I'd even worn, fitting tightly all down my body and flaring out just above the knees, in a mermaid-like style that no other woman was wearing in the entire building. Down the sides ran a stipe of stunning green silk, narrowing into nothing at the hip. The top dipped low over my breasts, though not quite as low as many of Felicity's dresses. I wore matching gloves with tiny green designs sown into them, which only came about two inches past my wrists.

Keeping my back absolutely staight, I turned my eyes to the happenings in front of me. My family was indulged in a rather dull conversation with Lady Denby, while Lord Denby stood beside her, struggling to look like he was the dominant figure in the group.

Thomas was already wandering towards a cluster of young girls, who had been fluttering around in a panic ever since his arrival. I watched with scorn as he slid in between two of the unknowing twits, giving them a charming greeting. They blushed furiously and scrambled to get the first word in, pathetically grovelling at my brother's feet while he basked in the attention.

I snorted and swung my head around, searching for an interesting or familiar face. Suddenly I was staring straight into Simon's icy blue eyes, which looked even lighter in the darkening theatre. He shamelessly stared at me, his gaze raking down my entire body, with an uncomfortable pause as he saw my bosom.

I breathed slowly and approached him, noting that it was nearly time for the opera to start. Simon didn't seem to care though, and met me halfway, with an eager bounce to his step. I swallowed as I realized why he was so jolly.

Of course; now that I'd kissed him, he expected to continue courting me... or would that be start courting me again?

Toying with the elegant gloves, I forced myself to hold his gaze as we came close, and uttered began to greet him courteously.

"Good ev-"

"I've been wanting to see you again, Gemma." he interrupted rudely, then suddenly realized his mistake and scrambled to apologize. I dismissed these and coolly regarded his appearance. His clever suit was really quite plain, though that was the idea, to make the magnificent women stand out. Many of the female attendees were just starting their seasons, and were wearing unbearably bright colours that contrasted a bit too much with the men's formal wear.

Simon finished his murmuring and regained his composure, restarting the conversation with a polite air. I appreciated this, and played along with the sharade that we were close aquiantaces. I could feel the gazes of every jealous girl in a twenty foot radias on my body, and hear their gossip as they speculated on why I was hogging the charming Simon Middleton when I had already refused the oppurtunity to spend the rest of my life with him.

I was fairly sure that I was the only girl on the planet that would actually dare to turn him down, but I wasn't proud of it. Suddenly everyone was taking their seats, and I was being ushered into the Middleton's private box, where I was practically alone with Simon, separated from everyone else.

His arm snaked through mine, and I decided that I would have to suffer his love for just a couple hours. Then I would go home, sleep, and leave for Spence in the morning. As I reassured myself, Simon seemed to press against me harder and harder, becoming less and less decent as the lights dimmed. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished that it was Kartik's manhood that I was beginning to feel pressing against me. I wished I was with him.

* * *

Grandmama smiled endearingly at me and Simon, though I saw the threat in her expression, the hard glint in her eyes. She was telling me I better not screw up this amazing chance twice.

I glared at her and drew myself away from Simon. I would not be pushed into a marriage that I had already escaped once. If I could do it once, I could do it again.

She merely turned away from me with a slight twitch in her smile, and I fought a grin as I thought of my triumph over the annoyingly controlling woman. Who was she to choose my husband?

I began to follow my family as we parted from the Middletons, but Simon squeezed my arm and kept his grip tight. I looked back in surprise, wondering if he was drunk. No, his eyes were sharp as usual, and he was still acting gentlemanly, just not to me. And yet his behaviour had been rather clumsy.

I fought a shiver as I thought of the opium den where my father had lounged, selling his greatest possessions for another measly fix. Perhaps it was a drug that had made Simon so straghtforward this evening.

"I think that Gemma and I will take a small detour," he said, not even glancing at me. I thought about breaking away from him, but....

_I've already shamed my family enough. _

Everyone was nodding and looking unsurprised, meaning that this had been pre-arranged without my knowledge. They were looking quite content with this, so I allowed Simon to help me back into the carriage. The driver spurred the horses into motion as soon as Simon was inside with me, already knowing where to go.

Nearly a quarter of an hour later, our ride lurched to a stop. Simon helped me out of the carriage, and I found myself standing outside of the Middleton's famous and exclusive club. He smiled in a dangerous fashion and led me in, giving a little push whenever I stopped.

I was understandably reluctant to enter the club with him; it was a near guarentee that he would attempt another romance with me.

Eventually I was dragged in the door, though not literally. He spoke softly in my ear.

"I've knowledge of a little room where we may sit and speak our true feelings, Gemma." I swallowed anxiously and nodded. Maybe he simply wished to apologize for his sexual attack on me so long ago. This was what I told myself as I let myself be herded like a gullible old cow into an enclosed space where there stood a table and two plush chairs.

It had been cleaned recently, and the polished wood sparkled coldly at me. Simon sat and guided me into a seat across from him, waiting until we were both settled to speak.

"Gemma, I know that we haven't had an ideal relationship, but I'd like to tell you that I will always be ready for you-- when you come to your senses, that is."

I nearly gaped at him, and had to keep my jaw from dropping out of sheer amazment. Simon Middleton had officially become the most self absorbed person in London, exceeding even the haughtiness and comtemptous air of my brother. As if I hadn't already been blown away, he continued to speak.

"I know that you love me, Gemma. And when you admit it, I'll be ready to marry you."

_Dear God, stop this torture. _

Simon plowed on.

"But I was hoping that you would consider your future and simply accept the engagement now, to save us all the drama."

I could already feel a scream boiling in my throat, which turned me complexion an absolutely horrifying red. I stood, towering over Simon for a moment before he rose to meet me. I stalked towards him, and he backpedalled until I had him pinned against the wall.

"Simon Middleton," I started in an icy tone. "I would never, not even in a matter of lie or death, marry you. I'd sooner throw myself off the largest bridge in the country than share a bed with you."

His ignorant and smug face fell immediately, and I reveled in the power of holding his heart in the palm of my hand.

"I. Do not. Love. You."

He looked hurt, confused, and then suddenly became angered, his handsome features twisting in pure rage.

"You're going to regret this."

I snorted, flicking my hand in a dismissal of the threat.

"You can't do this to me, not in my own club. Not to me."

I suddenly saw the truth in his words. It had been boldy imbecilic to give him a tongue lashing in his territiory. Panic jump-started my heart, sending my blood beating fast through my veins. My skin felt hot as Simon advanced on me fixedly, turning the tables dramically. He came indecently close, breathing into my face raggedly. There was alcholol on his breath.

I fought the scream that rose in my throat, though this time it was a scream of terror instead of rage.

Had Simon been drinking during the opera? I barely had time to contemplate how he would manage to conceal such a thing with his family and peers so close before I was totally pressed to te wall, my body being flattened against it. I could feel every bit of him pressing up against me, demanding something I wasn't willing to give.

"Simon," I started, but he interrupted me fofr the second time that night.

"Don't speak."

I swallowed. That was a sure sign that he didn't wish to merely stand here and chat.

"Simon, you aren't yourself."

He glared menacingly at me from beneath his light brows.

"Oh, but I am, Gemma. I've been all kinds of myself... for you. And now you get to experience all of me."

At this point, I did scream, shrilly enough to alert anyone who could've been nearby. Maybe someone would've come, had Simon not silenced me by pressing his lips roughly to mine in a forced kiss. I struggled and made sounds of resistance, breaking away slightly before he smashed into me again. I could not bring my face any more than a few centimetres away from his, thanks to our position. He took full advantage of this, forcing his way into my mouth.

I began to feel tears rising to my eyes as I realized that I could've prevented this in a thousand different ways. If I hadn't been so haughty, he wouldn't be so angry. If I would've have even entered the club, and forced him to take me home, everything could've been avoided. Simon's hands were beginning to fumble hurriedly at the ties of my dress. I twisted away from him, wanting more than anything for Kartik to burst into the room, or to have the power to stop him.

But that wasn't about to stop Simon. In a random act of bravery I lowered my head and rammed into him, feeling some part of his face collapse under the blow. He screamed, sounding nearly as distressful as I, and stumbled backwards.

I took my chance and ran out of the room, feeling grateful that he had not thought to lock the door before attampting to rape me.

Had that really been what he was trying to do, though?

I began to feel shameful as I realized I had driven him to this, refusing him and loving Kartik instead. I cleared my mind out of everything but one word as I rushed towards the door we had came in through.

_Run. Run. Run. _

I could not run, however, thanks to the people around me, who would no doubt think it strange and even suspicious. As I emerged from the door the doorman looked expectantly at me. I realized that it _was _suspicious that I had entered with Simon and returned alone in a panic. I smiled at him in an attempt to cover up my terror, and hurried towards the carriage. As I came within ten feet of it though, it became clear to me that I was totally stuck without Simon.

The driver would not take me back without his master, just as the doorman would most definitely not let me back in to the club without Simon or a proper gentleman that was known there. I was officially caught between a rock and a hard place.

Despair clouded over my judgement quickly, and I made the mistake of beginning to walk down the street myself in hopes of finding someone that would take me back without pay.

My feet were throbbing incessently by the time I spotted Simon's carriage coming quickly down the road, towards me. I fought another wave of stiffling panic and began to run, glancing back to find that something was wrong with the carriage.

Kartik was driving.

I smiled weakly, wondering just what he had done to take the thing, and what it would mean for my family. He pulled right up to me and I struggled to climb in by myself, looking extremely unladylike. Finally I was safely inside, and we slid into motion. I leaned back as far as possible and sighed, wishing I knew how to explain this to my family.

Likely Kartik would bring the carriage back to the club before we were seen with it, which would take care of that much. But I'd have to give Grandmama a reason or arriving without Simon. I became tired and asked the coachman to bring me back, perhaps.

Or maybe the partial truth; that Simon had become indecent and I had borrowed some money and taken a cab back home. Whichever I told, it could be countered and distroyed by whatever Simon told his family upon his return.

My head was aching insufferably by the time Kartik brought the horses to a gradual halt. I half-fell out of the carriage and managed to stay tottering on my feet. We were quite near my house, and I found that the walk was not much shorter than what it would have been had Kartik dropped me right in front of our lawn. But before I left I turned to Kartik and thanked him sincerely, wishing that I could simply kiss him right then and there. He seemed to be having similar thoughts, all of which were rather apparent as he gazed at me with a long forgotten lust.

We hadn't been together for nearly a week, a week that would be over shortly. By tommorow night, I would be back in the woods with Kartik, back to what was safe. We parted wiht a cordial nod.

As I plodded home, though, I knew that what we did was nothing like safe. It was possibly more dangerous than anything I'd ever done back here, and most definitely the most scandalous thing I'd ever done. It would ruin me, eventually, but I could never stop, not until it did. I was like Father with his landuam, like his overnight stay at that filthy opium den.

Kartik was a drug, and I was irrevocably addicted to him.

* * *

I did not think of last night as Brigid greeted me at the door. She took my bags with a hearty greeting and I found that I had missed her strange speech impediment and understanding, though I could'nt recall ever having a true conversation with the servant. She hauled my things up the stairs quite easily and I followed, eager to see Ann again, to see that her wrists were smooth and that she was not totally depressed by my leaving.

I surprised myself by thanking Bridget at the door, and meaning it. I brought my things in, laying them by the dresser and turning to face Ann. She was laying in her bed, reading a book without interest.

It took her a moment to register my presence, then she dropped the thing like it was on fire and rushed to me, giving me an unexpected hug. I returned the gesture, feeling glad that she wasn't just staring at me from the bed. Slowly she pulled away, and I saw that she had embarrassed herself. Quick to reassure my friend, I spoke in an encouraging tone.

"It's wonderful to see you, Ann." She nodded enthusiastically, looking a bit healthier in her happiness. I noted that she had become slimmer by a small margin, and her skin was not quite as dreadfully pale.

"Why, Ann, you really are looking quite nice!"

She blushed furiously and I laughed, feeling caught up in the joy of being back to the one place that I hated whenever I was there, and loved when I was away. The happiness would fade quickly, but that was all the more reason to enjoy it while I could.

The day then got rather dull, seeing as Ann wasn't one to chat, but only asked about Tom and did not seem to give anyone else a thought, me included. I answered her in the usual fashion, saying that Tom was growing even more snobbish every time I saw him.

She giggled and then quieted, settling into what I supposed was a daydream about my brother and the relationship she would never have with him.

Sighing, I jumped onto my bed, beginning to peel off layers of dress and petticoats. Once I was down to only a couple hundred layers of confinement, I lay back and relaxed, already thinking ahead to my meeting with Kartik tonight. He had promised me that he would make in back to Spence in time to meet me in our usual spot, and I knew that he'd be there waiting when the time came.

He always was. That was the one thing I knew that would not change, and lately, I had not been sure of a very many things that used to be bonified facts.

Ann was watching me from her bed, and, having fallen out of her trance, was now observing mine. Her nose and eyes were watering but she did not even attempt to dab at them with a kerchief, just sat there and let her appearance go to waste. I couldn't stand it, watching her sit absolutely still and look longingly at me, probably wishing that we could trade lives.

I would have been ashamed to think so lowly of Ann, but sadly, it was the truth. Ann wished she could have been born into my life; she thought that I had led a leisurely sixteen years. I cringed as I thought of how dowdy old Miss Bradshaw would react to Kartik, her mother's suicide, and holding the fate of the realms in her hands time and time again.

_The poor girl wouldn't have got far, _I thought with pity. Surprisingly, Ann did not miss my movement, and immediately looked shameful. I smiled brightly at her and sat up, preparing myself to give her an encouraging couple sentences.

"Ann-" I choked for a moment, wondering just what I was getting myself into.

"You do know that one day, you're not going to have me, or Felicity, or anyone to...."

I trailed off, fighting the urge to simply shut my lips and end this failing speech. Forced myself on.

"... anyone to..... help you."

I had been watching as Ann's face fell considerably, going from bad to worse and then to miserable. She didn't speak, I suspected that if she opened her mouth whatever she said would be very un-Ann like. Still I pressed on, feeling like a total witch.

"Ann, I'm afraid that you need to, er- _mature, _some."

I could see her eyes growing red as she tried to surpress a wetness that was not caused by her ongoing problem with, ahhh... face leakage. She stared at me for a moment before her mouth opened a sliver. A heart wrenching sound came out and she cut herself off, obviously consious of the fact that crying out would only prove my point, which I had not even meant to make.

I began to apologize then followed Ann's example and stopped suddenly, sensing that the helpless orphan needed some time alone. Silently I rose and scurried to the door, tail between my legs. It wasn't that Ann was at all frightening, yet in a strange way I'd never been so terrified. I'd always suspeted that one day Ann would snap and come out of her little shell, become suddenly violent and confident.

I wished that she had slapped me, yelled at me for being so insensitive. But the scary thing was that she just sat there and looked dead. Empty.

I hated Ann for that. Why couldn't she get angry, defend herself?

I stomped down the stairs, heading for the main entrance. If Ann wouldn't give in to emotion, I would go and see if Kartik had arrived yet. And if he had....

I trembled with excitement at the thought, realized that it really had been seven days since we'd made love. One hundred and sixty-eight hours of loneliness when I should have been enjoying quality time with my family. Instead I was lusting after Kartik, even as I seduced Simon Middleton, the most desirable man to every girl in London.

Pushing the heavy oak doors open with difficulty, I nearly stumbled outside in my haste. Picking up my skirts, I rushed down the stairs, slipping on the very last one and nearly ripping the hem of my dress. I did not bother to smooth my appearance; soon enough my disrupted clothes would be part of the foliage that I was walking quickly towards.

I was just crossing the small road that had carried me here barely over an hour ago when it hit me that what I was doing was absolutely pathetic. I shook my head and continued into the forest, pulling anxiously at what was left of my garments. Surely a visit to Kartik had been in my mind when I stripped down upstairs, because now I knew that we could be together in seconds, without countless layers of fabric between our bodies. Meanwhie I was struggling not to think about what I was doing.

Regretting the sudden thought, I increased my walk to a jog, brushing aside thick layers of greenery from my path. They reached out teasingly from the trees, sweeping at my face and body. I scrunched up my nose and continued, feeling grateful for the beautiful forest and annoyed at it for slowing me down.

My path scourged ever deeper into the suddenly unfamiliar woods, and I found myself wondering if I had actually gotten lost among the same trees I had been slipping through for months. I reassured my body and mind as they began to panic; my heart beat wildly and my head grew hot from the unbearable feeling of being lost.

Then, I burst into our clearing. An immediate phobia swept over me, and I sprinted clear across the grass to the old log that sat peacefully outside of the treeline. Collaspsing onto it, I lay over the wonderful wood and breathed heavily in and out, feeling the grooves with my fingers. I let it all relax me, feeling totally content for a few moments before his absence tore it away.

I sat slowly up and rose from the log in a weird trance. I wasted no time in leaving the forgotten clearing and rushing towards Kartik's tent. I knew which direction it was from the clearing, and in a flash I was sliding out of the trees that concealed his little tent from me. I saw that it was inhabited, and my breath came in sharply.

Looking around, I saw that the trees were so close to his sleeping area that it could hardly be called a clearing. Birds twittered and gossiped at my sudden appearance, and suddenly they were buzzing around the thick trunks that surrounded us all, tweeting in a frenzied excitement. I saw that the sky was quickly becoming overpopulated with birds as well, flying northwards in their heasty return to their nests here at Spence.

Spring had slipped away rather suddenly, and now they returned late from faraway lands. I watched them in a frozen stance, smiling as I saw a plump robin falter dramatically in the air, then swoop back up with human-like bravado. It flew on, looking like a little dumpling soaring through the air. I was grinning foolishly as he disappeared from view.

Joltingly, my head was drawn back to the lone tent that stood only five feet away from my marching feet, which were walking on the spot with eagerness. I barely had to suggest further movement to my body and I was walking with confidence across to Kartik. I took one sinking breath and plunged into the tent.

Kartik laid on a small blanket, his eyes closed as if in sleep. He was awake. I knew that he would have awakened as soon as he heard my approach, and now was playing possum in case I was an enemy.

As I swept the entrance flap aside, his lips turned into a luscious smile. I found myself smiling as well, dropping to my knees and crawling to his awe-inspiring form. Already his shirt was off, pushed into a corner of the tent in the growing heat.

I laid gently beside him, barely able to keep my actions under control. I wanted him to grab me and pulverize every last shred of clothing that still clung to me. Grab me under him and push inside, rock into me with the force that I needed, come into my hot body and kiss me with longing. He would lower his head to my opening and lap the juices from my centre like a thirsting animal....

I realized that I had closed my eyes and was breathing very loudly in the small area, embarrassingly loud, in fact.

I blushed for only a second, rolled to face him, seeing his eyes looking hungrily at my heaving chest.

Our lips met almost painfully, colliding with too much needing for just one kiss. My hands pushed desperately at his chest, clenching what skin and muscle I could grab until my nails dug into his flesh. He groaned thoatily into my mouth and we were rolled so that I lay on top of him, legs suddenly wrapping around his waist.

His hands were just as animated as mine, running down my back to cup and rub at my buttocks. I moaned as he kneaded the supple amounts of flesh and let his fingers press into me. Our tongues warred passionately, warm and wetly forging together unendingly.

I knew that eventually we would have to exchange words concerning my eventful stay in London, but now was surely not a time for words, or any type of verbal communication other than gutteraly sounds that really did not say much about what we were feeling other than the fact that we needed eachother's bodies.

Without breaking out contact in the slightest, he removed me last petticoats and chemise with ease, obviously enjoying his new freedom to touch me how he wanted to. I grinned and put a finger into the waistband of his trousers, letting them snap back suggestively. Kartik obeyed my silent order and slowly let us reverse positions, flicking his tongue in and out of my lips mischeiviously.

I giggled and slipped my hand into the waistband of his pants, noting that it was extremely more difficult now that his penis had tightened them. He gasped huskily as I let my wandering figners travel to his hardening shaft, grasping it with vigour. He moaned and heaved his chest outwards, letting the breath out loudly and heavily as I squeezed and began raking my nails softly over the hot skin.

His breaths were shuddering in and out as I pushed with my index finger at the head, then pumped up to his base and fingered the balls of flesh softly. His hips ground into me automatically, making my brain go into over-drive. I thrust upwards with a prompt finallity and he came quickly, spilling onto himself and wetting his already sweat-soaked pants.

I cupped my hand to recieve some of it, then took my other arm and lowered his trousers even further to free my hand. I brought it to his abdomen and heatedly pressed my hand into his skin, below the ribcage he gasped as the warm liquid pressed into him. I spread it up to his chest, rubbing all over his hard muscles.

His head tipped back to stare fixedly into the roof of the tent as I bent my head to his chest, pressing my tongue to his nipple. He moaned as loud as possible as I licked the warm juices from his skin. I cleared the area around his pectorals, then began sucking on one, using my teeth to nip at him. As I finished and moved to the other one, he arched and I continued washing his torso down with my tongue.

As I continued to lick his erection, he stopped me with his hands, gently pulling me up wards and kissing my lips sweetly. His tongue scoured my mouth, cleaning away all traces of himself from my cheeks, lips and tongue.

Out of nowhere, a finger slid into my unbearably slick opening, pushing deep into my saturated core. It was my turn to groan with pleasure as he began to move in and out, his finger immediately becoming totally lubricated. I clenched my teeth as he added another finger and increased speed and power, then slipped _another _inside my vagina until I was contracting around him with horrible intensity. A wave of pleasure and ticklishness washed over me and I came out onto his digits.

He gently pulled out and brought the three fingers up, I grinned shakily as I saw that they were totally coated with my whitish-clear fluids. He licked one clean and winked at me, then began to start on another. I pulled it away from him and seductively put it in my own mouth, noting that it tasted no different from Kartik's. A could nearly feel his temperature rise as I did so, and he finished it off by sucking the last figers clean, then pulling it out through his full lips with a pop.

Then he looked at me with a wild light to his eyes and we were suddenly in position: he hovered over me, his amazingly large penis hovering over my opening. I spread my legs wide, like the first time, and he pushed in.

I let my breath out in a soft groan of passion, unaware that I had been holding it in.

He pushed in deep before pulling out with deliberate slowness, his eyes looking into mine. I felt my lips curve into a tiny smile, which I could only hold for a millisecond because then he began thrusting, deep and hard into me. Shivers of ectsacy washed over me in overwhelming waves as he gained speed gradually.

I met him, rolling desperately upwards to run him even further into me. Our lips met clumsily and I bit his mouth as a particularily vigourous hit jarred me. Then we were moving in a smooth and practiced rhythm, bodies moving in unision as we moaned and screamed out sounds of raw emotion.

Kartik pounded into me faster with every passing second, though I could not have told you how fast it really was; I had been pulled completely into a world consisting of only Kartik and I, screeching and gasping alone in the universe.

How I had lived so long without Kartik's sweet torture I could not imagine, but now that he was inside of me, pumping in and out.... none of that mattered.

My idiotic actions towards Simon were no longer relevant, at least not for the moment. I could feel a release approaching, dreading the feeling and yet knowing it would be the best moment of my life.

I came first, clutching at Kartik's shoulders and hair as I rode through a shower of joy and clenched my stomach as a unnatural tickling ravaged my gut. I sent him over the edge, and he came into me for the first time in a week, clenching his teeth and thrusting down into me one final time before he filled my body, sending a warmth up through my vagina and more into my stomach.

I writhed and moaned with release, managing to kiss Kartik's sweet tasting lips in my spasms of pleasure. We settled beside each other as it ended, our lips touching and yet not moving against each other as usual. He kissed me softly.

"It's been..." he paused to take a shaky breath, sounding husky and tired. "..much to long."

I nodded almost inperceptibly, and kissed him back for couple seconds before allowing him to pull out of me. We were uncovered and I looked down to see that his penis was softening, the hardness and volume of his erection fading away. My opening was covered with dark hair, which was wet with juices and sweat that had seeped out of me in my lust.

Still unable to imagine that his swelled manhood had slid so wonderfully into me, I reached down from his head and fingered his now soft penis gingerly, sliding the pads of my fingers over the slick surface.

His breath hitched and I smiled, amazed that I suddenly wished to do it all over again with frightening intensity. I gently eased myself over him and looked into his eyes. They were wide and fiery as I grasped his manhood with some difficulty, feeling it swell and harden in my hand. I stroked his length until he was fully alert, pausing to massage the sacks of skin that were beginning to change as well.

I positioned myself over his hot body, and slowly sunk down onto his penis, filling my core with him as much as I could, pushing myself further down until I had nearly encompassed his whole erection. I pulled off and I inhaled sharply. I came down again, this time only half way up. His body arched slighty in an attempt to bring me all the way down, but I came up again. He glared at me and I smiled, abruptly forcing myself down onto him.

He groaned as I enveloped him, continuing to moan as I began rocking up and down, pushing him into and out of me. He contributed as well, rising up to fill me all the way with every thrust. Soon our bodies were sliding and pressing against one another, my head against his neck.

I bit at his skin and slid my head down to stare at the ground as I focused entirely on moving to continue this terribly wonderful action that I had started. By the time we were done, I could not find the breath to speak, and simply lay on him like an abandoned rag doll, feeling totally drained. A shaft of light struck the tent in such a way that sunlight shone right through the fabric, illuminating us, a flustered couple laying naked after the most amazing sex of their lives.

I heaved myself off of him and then recovered my strength on the ground.

Eventually I looked around for my chemise, and saw that it must be lying outside the tent. I stumbled out, spotting the white cotton easily. I stood and was about to slide it on when suddenly Kartik's flaming body was pressed against my back. I relaxed into him and smiled a little as I felt something poking into my lower back. He was pressing against me in a silent question.

I shook my head regretfully, wishing that I had the time or energy. If only.

"I must go."

He nodded and moved away to get his own clothing from the tent, and by the time he emerged, fully clothed, I was somewhat ready to leave. I kissed him and said a quiet goodbye, hating myself for having a life outside of the forest, where Kartik was.

As I brushed away the last ferns before coming out of the forest, I tried to arrange my hair to look just as it had when I'd left, to no avail. Our relationship was messy in many ways.

I rushed to the door and snuck up into our room, slipping in just as Ann was returned something hastily to the drawer where she kept her older garments.

I entered and softly closed the door, creeping towards her to see what she was trying to hide among her many drab dresses. She sensed my approach, though, and shut the drawer with a loud BANG, looking like a frightened rabbit. She stared at me.

"Ann, what was that?"

She shook her head, looking absolutely terrified of me, probably thinking that I would force the information out of her in Felicity's favourite manner of bonding with her friends.

"Ann," I said sternly, knowing that I would win this battle.

Ann's willpower was as great as that of a snail. She would blurt out the answer and zip into her shell for fear of my rage.

I shook my head, playing a dirty and cruel card.

"Ann, if you choose not to tell _me, _however will you explain to Mrs. Nightwing when I bring her to investigate?"

Ann's expression plummetted and soured, then she hung her head in defeat. I noticed that her skin had lost whatever colour it possesed when I had threatened her with a visit to the headmistress. I moved towards the drawer and she did nothing to stop me, until I reached out towards the handle.

Her plump hand rose to grasp the handle first, and her gown's sleeve fell away to reveal several recent and gastly gashes on her arm. They crisscrossed in what looked like letters or numbers that I did not get a change to read before Ann realized her mistake and snatched her hand back, cradling it to her non-existent bosom in a gesture of desperate protection.

"Ann!" I said strictly. "You promised me you would stop hurting yourself like that!"

She looked shameful, and stuttered like a scolded child. "It- I- I'm s- sorry..."

She faded away and I looked at her with disappointment, thinking that her hidden object must be the weapon that she used to inflict those disgusting wounds on herself. She looked at the ground and shuffled to her bed, murmuring, "I'm s-sorry, G-Gemma."

I shook my head, feeling like giving up on the doomed girl. If she did not kill herself this way, she was still destined to lead a horribly dull and looked down-upon life.

"Oh, Ann..."

I did not touch the drawer, but simply walked to my bed, sitting down. I wished to sleep, though it was scarcely an hour past midday. After a doubly long time with Kartik, I should feel tired, but this was ridiculous. I was falling asleep as I sat there, and even as I had adminoshed Ann, my eyelids were drooping.

My limbs ached with tiredness, and I could clearly imagine falling asleep and not waking up for a whole fortnight. Even after that, I feared I could not be even half-rested. These thoughts slipped out of my mind as sleep took me and I slumped onto the bed, landing in an acceptable position.

I could not remember even deciding that sleep would be a good idea, but in seconds I had settled into a deep slumber.

* * *

My eyes rolled lazily open hours later, meeting the early morning sun. I winced, suddenly feeling as if the light was my worst enemy. The bright cheeriness of it angered me, and I squeezed my eyelids shut, which only turned my world red as the threatening spotlight shone through the thin skin.

I half screamed and half groaned, a whiny sound that made me seem pathetically hateful. I rolled and tossed, finally sitting up and lurching to the window pulling the shades down.

I began to stumble back to bed, then suddenly bent violently and vomited.

I retched and coughed as whatever meal I had digested last spilled out onto the smooth floorboards. I shut my eyes as tears began to gather, hating myself for being so weak. Whatever was wrong with me, it couldn't last long, and there I was weeping like a child.

I struggled to rise from my hands and knees, feeling shaky and unsure of what my own body would do; how it would betray me. I refused to look at the former contents of my stomach splattered on the floor, and crawled to my bed, pulling myself up and collaspsing on the messed sheets.

I was breathing heavily, hating the bitter and foul taste in my mouth. It made me dizzy all over again, but I swallowed with difficulty and managed not to throw up again. My eyes burned, open or closed, and my body felt totally useless. Just as the tears abated, they surged back upwards, falling from my eyes and rolling down my cheeks in large quantities. My nose began to run, and I desperately wiped at it with my sheets, succeeding in nothing but making my upper lip irritated and scratchy.

I tried snuffling back the tears, but finally gave in to my unreasonable sadness. Small cries came out of my mouth until I was hiccupping out noises that shamed my prideful nature. The steady flow of tears dried up as my body stopped preducing them. They hardened on my cheeks, and I noted absurdly that my complexion would suffer from all this crying.

Reluctantly I sat up, feeling absolutely wretched. Luckily nobody had heard me, though soon Brigid would be bustling in to wake me for the day. For school.

I cringed, wondering how in God's name I would even survive the morning. Another breakdown was sure to follow, and I'd hate to crumple in front of the cruel and gossip-loving girls that would surround me. I resolved to tell the housekeeper that I was sick as soon as she came in, rather than make up some pointless tale to explain why I had vomited all over our floor.

There were far too many lies going on in my life right now, far too many as it was. I would tell the truth: I had gotten up, felt sick, and vomited, making me therefore unfit to attend classes.

As I marvelled at the idea of actually telling the straight truth, our door opened cautiously, then swung wide as Brigid put timidness aside and, most likely, spotted the vomit. She ran in with a squeal, which was very un-Brigid like, and glanced around to me as I lay in bed, my eyes nearly closed as I surveyed her from under my lids. She tutted and gently pushed me into a proper position on the sheets, then hurried away to fetch cleaning supplies.

I breathed out thankfully, glad to be rid of the burden of having to feign deep, sleep-like breaths. Keeping the exact same position, I strained my eyeballs to steal a glance at Ann, who seemed to be stirring. She shifted around for a good minute before I saw her watery eyes pull slowly open, looking even more dull after a night of sleep.

Her painful sluggishness was greatly magnified in the morning, I noted. She gradually rose, throwing the blankets off and tottering out of bed with her eyes half closed. I was amused until I saw her foot rising directly above my pre-digested food. A sound began to rise in my throat but it was too late to warn her.

Without a clue of what she was doing, Ann stepped into the large pool of vomit.

The sole of her foot nearly splashed into the chunk-filled liquid, and she froze for a second before jerking away suddenly and backpedalling onto her bed. I winced as her eyes shot open and she flexed her toes, reaching down to grasp her foot and turn it so she could examine the bottom. Her gaze landed on the brownish orange stuff that coated her foot and her face went whiter than her chemise as she looked at the rather disturbed puddle only a few feet away from her, and the trail that lead from it to her bed, and ended on her own body.

For a moment she loked as if _she _was about to vomit, then her mouth opened wide and a hoarse and shrill screamed emitted from the very back of her throat. I cringed once again at the sound, and decided that this would be a good moment to "wake up".

I flopped slowly up and stared at Ann, horrified, as the sound climaxed and she nearly shattered my eardrums. I was rather traumatized, actually, so the effect was not a hard one to pull off.

She quieted down and began frantically wiping at her foot with her plain sheets, panicking.

"Ann?" I asked her questioningly, trying to sound disgusted.

"Ann!"

She stopped and stared at me, looking slightly angered. We sat in silence. My eyes travelled to what she had stepped in and Brigid burst in, swearing loudly.

"Wot in bloody 'ell was that?" She rushed towards us and then looked towards Ann, pity and disgust crawling into her features as she stared.

"Oh, Missus. Dear me."

Then, to make things worse, Ann began crying. I could hear other girls gathering in the hallway as she wept silently, and Brigid promptly slammed the door with a _bang_. She began wiping and scrubbing up the mess, looking determined to rid our floorboards of it's ugly reminders.

I looked away, laying back down as nasea threatened to overwhelm me. Turning towards the wall, I sighed, feeling ready for another night of sleep. My eyes landed on the scratch marks that I had been carefully etching into my bedframe. They had not grown since I had left, and I discreetly grabbed the knife from under my mattress.

I focused on adding the correct number of marks and then re-hid the weapon, staring at the rather primitive looking lines. Somehow, I knew that they and the morning's strange happenings were connected.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed, and next chapter will come up soon. I'm not lying; I've actually written, like, 5000 words of it already. **

**Hey, is 8000 words too long for one chapter? Just wondering.... :)**

**See ya!**


	16. Revelation

My eyes began to water as my foolish staring contest- the participants being the wall and I- went on. I refused to blink, finding this to be the most entertaining thing that I could do without moving. It was either that or fantasize about Kartik, which had kept me preoccupied for the better part of the day before I forced myself to take interest in something other than him. I'd began to find it rather pathetic and had resigned to laying in bed, my mind as blank as I could possibly make it.

This onesided battle had been going on for a few minutes already, and seconds after I started crying I blinked, wiping away the tears lazily. One escaped the back of my hand and ventured down my cheek and onto my neck before becoming absorbed in the sheets.

I rolled over, half afraid that my stomach would be upset by the casual movement. To my surprise, and relief, I did not begin to convulse, my throat did not contract, and I did not vomit. Grateful, I closed my eyes and willed sleep to take me, which was extremely unlikely, seeing as I had been unable to even doze for the last several hours. My soul seemed to sink further into my body as an unbreakable darkness crawled over my eyes, and I was just slipping away when Felicity crashed into the room.

I heard the door swing forcefully open and hit noisily against the wall, and loud, careless footsteps clomped inside.

"Fee!" Ann's voice was but a frightened whisper.

"Gemma is sleeping!"

The stomping quieted somewhat, and I opened my eyes, opting not to pretend that I had been sleeping as I had that morning. Fee was hovering over me, her expression suspicious.

"She is not!" the blonde said triumphantly.

"Besides," she whined childishly, "she's been snoring _all day. _Haven't you, Gemma?"

I ignored her and adressed Ann, who was fretfully inspecting the wall for dents.

"Pray, why did you let Fee into our room?" She blushed, thinking that I was serious, and managed to stammer out an apology.

"Honestly, Fee," I said, rolling my eyes. "You make enough noise to wake a bear in December."

She smiled deviously. "Why, thank you. It's one of my many skills, but I pride myself on that one in particular."

She flounced up towards Ann, drawing her into an awkward waltz, which the poor girl tried desperately to escape. Felicity took no notice.

"We had the most remarkable day," she said in an unnaturally upbeat tone. "Our dear Miss Temple took a rather embarrassing fall during archery. You would have liked to see Elizabeth and Martha circling around her like lost puppies!"

I giggled at the thought, and even Ann managed a smile, despite her awkward situation. Felicity abruptly dropped her hands and took on an inquisitive expression. She was suddenly focused on me, and I could sense the question coming well before her lips parted to let it escape bluntly.

"Gemma, exactly what illness has compromised your ability to suffer this unbearable schooling with us?"

She was trying to charm me into telling her something scandalous or indecent, with her sweet smile and innocent posture. I gave her a hard look and replied flatly, "I suppose it's just my time of the month." She nodded and cocked her head slightly, becoming the image of trustworthy.

"Really."

I glared at her and flopped back into bed, struggling to ignore the fact that I was beginning to wish that it _was _my time of the month. I'd been worried lately, seeing as I hadn't begun the most tiresome part of the menstrual cycle in well over month. I was sure that my body would right itself eventually, at least, at first I had been. Now I was weighing the possibilties, wondering just what fatal disease had crept into my body over the last few months.

Cholera, maybe? Or perhaps some new strain of influenza that would push into society through me and kill thousands? Or perhaps nothing but a small amount of the common cold that everyone was sure to get at some point during the year. And yet, I had experienced at least a week of that in April.

I hated feeling so useless and ignorant, and my friend's blatant staring was _not _helping my mood.

"What?" I growled. They both blinked at me and neither said anything, probably pondering the same things that I had been just seconds before.

"Um, G-Gemma?" Ann's stuttering interrupted the silence.

"Yes, Ann?"

She looked frightened to speak for a moment, and then she reluctantly forced the broken words out of her mouth.

"C-Can we maybe, um, v-visit the realms? Visit the realms tonight?" I felt pity gnawing away at my anger and weariness- well mostly anger, seeing as my fatigue was ongoing and horribly unbreakable- and nodded, closing my eyes over their expectant faces. When my lids lifted again, they were both smiling, and I found that I quite enjoyed being the deliverer of good news, if only once.

"Oh, thank you!" Felicity's squeal could barely be contained. That strange happiness just washed away as I suddenly thought of the probability that the only reason my friends were my friends was because of my immense power. Felicity ran to hug me and I lay helpless in her embrace, half hoping that my sickness would br triggered and I could throw up all over her prim uniform.

After a time Ann joined in, ruining the mood slightly with her plump body pressing in on me. I waved them away, promising to meet them in the woods at midnight. After I described to them a reasonably sized clearing that I had passed dozens of times on my more devilish night-time excursions, I settled into bed and stared at the window wistfully. I stayed that way until night had fallen, when I stretched generously and tottered out of bed, ambling to the window where I used the sill to stablize myself.

My vision was blotted out for a moment while blood rushed far too quickly into my head. Then I opened the window and leaned out, scanning the empty grounds for any sign of life. Seeing nothing, I slowly eased myself out, feet first.

A brief struggle with the stubborn sill ensued, but eventually the window was shut firmly and I was free to inch down the rope and onto the grass. Dropping off and landing with ease, I began to run towards the trees, keeping as low to the ground as possible. Diving smoothly into the treeline, I turned around to look back at Spence. Everything was still, except for the minute swaying of the rope, which quickly settled back into the ivy, and all traces of my passage were gone.

Following routine, I moved through the forest towards our clearing. But instead of continuing towards the mossy log that I could see through the greenery, I veered to the left and began blazing my own path through the woods, trying desperately to stay quiet dispite the fact that I had nearly no idea of where I was.

Upon a wild stroke of luck, I suddenly emerged into a small and slightly familiar clearing, the very one that I had told Ann and Fee of. They had not yet arrived, and on instinct I looked for the log which I usually sat on, but the grass was unbroken. With a sigh, I put my back against a trunk and slid down to the earth, ignoring the rough bark that scraped at me through my nightdress.

Seconds passed slowly, though it seemed but a minute had passed when I spotted him in the darkness. Immediately my eyes went round with alarm, thinking of just what my friends would say if they found us here together. Ann might be easily fooled, but Felicity Worthington was a professional detector of scandal. She would sniff out any lies that I weaved into my words and she would tear them apart.

Suddenly I heard a great crashing in the undergrowth, signalling their approach. It was fortunate that they were so unfamiliar with the forest; it would buy me time.

"Kartik!" I hissed, praying that the urgency would come through in my voice. Apparently it did, becausae he immediatey straightened, plucking a dagger out of thin air and holding it in front of him. He began to move in front of me protectively and I shoved him away.

"Kartik, it's my friends! They can't see you!"

He relaxed somewhat and glanced at me with an unreadable expression. Then he moved away and melted into the trees, stealing a soft kiss from my parted lips. I began to reach out again, as my body was dying for more contact, but he was nearly gone. Foolishly, I ran after him and grabbed in the dark until my fingers grasped his arm.

"Gem-?"

I cut him off as I brought my mouth to his, pressing him to me until he relaxed and kissed me back, his hands beginning to press softly at my breasts. I moaned softly and thought of leaving my friends here and simply going to his tent... no.

I forced myself to pull away, pushing him away just as Ann burst into the clearing, looking rather flustered and out of breath. Felicity followed, saying, "Really, Ann. You mustn't hurry so. It's not as if the trees will reach out and-"

She stopped abruptly as she spotted me, blushing rediculously in the middle of the clearing. I wrangled my heart into submission and slowed my breathing, reaching down to right my chemise, which had been rather upset in our little tangle.

"Gemma?"

I cleared my throat loudly and ignored her inquiry, reaching a hand out instead. I was deeply aware of the dark, lust-filled eyes watching me from the wall of inky darkness that was the trees.

"Well, come on, then," I said, gesturing for them to come forward and forget about my strange appearance. Fee seemed to shrug it off and strode past Ann to put her cold hand in mine. We fixed our gazes on the mouse of a girl that was cowering in the shadows.

"Ann," I said impatiently, and she hurried towards us, completing the circle at last. I barely had to think of it and the door of light was suddenly in front of us, glowing invitingly. I charged in first, leading my friends into the garden. They beamed as we entered into it.

The sun beat down just enough to warm us but not enough to produce freckles like mine on their skins. I looked around at the lush trees and humungous bushes that bore ripe fruits the size of my fist, to the swift flowing river, lined with brillant flowers of every hue imaginable. The sky was clearer than it could ever truly be, and a proud eagle soared over our heads, commanding the attention of all.

I looked back towards Ann and Fee, but they were nearly gone already, running gayly through fields with cornstalks that reached nearly over our heads. I laughed and followed eagerly, chasing them into the beautiful meadow. Suddenly I bundeled into Felicity, taking us both down into the soft grass. We rolled around and laughed at nothing in particular until tears filled our eyes and escaped down into the earth, where tiny flowers sprung up.

I wished for food, and the petals turned into toffees before my eyes. I giggled and plucked the treats from the stem, which was bending under the weight. It straightened as I relieved it of it's burden, and new colours grew from the tiny thing into a new flower, equally beautiful.

Popping a candy into my mouth, I chewed slowly, savouring the ridiculously sweet and sticky substance that coated my tongue. Felicity made her own candy flower, piling several lemon drops into her mouth at once, much to my dismay.

"Fee!"

She smiled, showing off a yellow array of sweetness. We laid in the grass until our treats were gone, and though with a wave of my hand I could have made more, I simply laid there, enjoying the freedom. Suddenly, Felicity spoke.

"Pippa..." she whispered, and I felt her pain like a knife in my back. Such a perfect moment was disturbed by her refusal to let go of a lost friend.

Feeling as if nothing ever lasted, I got up and walked away, hating my friend for ruining the only moment I'd had in which I was not thinking of how I would fix the terrible lie I was in, or how I was going to start my season when I was already in love with a forbidden man, or even how I would act like a proper lady, so that I would graduate with no doubt that I diserved to move on and far away from the stern school.

Tramping through the perfect land, I reached the garden again and sat it the grass, wishing that I could escape the illusion that was happiness for once. And just like that, the door appeared. In a sudden rush of bitterness, I used the magic to summon both my friends. They appeared before me, confused.

"Why are we leaving?"

Ann had noticed the shimmering outline that floated behind me.

"I'm tired of the realms," I replied, sounding like an old hermit. "We're going home."

They glared at me, but neither spoke. "I'd go myself, but you two would have no means to get back," I said gently, reminding them that without me, they would never have been there anyway.

Grudgingly, Felicity stalked forwards and into the door of light, followed shortly by Ann, who looked frightened at the prospect of being left behind. I stepped out of the garden last, without even a brief glance over my shoulder to see the dark clouds creeping in from the west.

* * *

Nearly a week later, I have honestly considered cutting my stomach out rather than have it betray me each and every morning.

I laid on top of the sheets and hated my body for keeping me bedridden for a whole seven days, during which rumours had begun to fly around the school in the form of sharp whispers passed from girl to girl like a virus. Some said I was dying, and others, such as Brigid, believed that I had been posessed by a demon which was using my body for it's own purposes. When I replied to this theory with, "Well, this must be a truly vain spirit, for it is certainly keeping the meat off of my bones," girls had giggled and twittered uselessly, while Brigid stuck firmly to her beliefs.

The strange thing was, though, that this was a total lie. I had not lost weight, but had rather been gaining, ever so slightly. It worried me almost as much as my other symptoms, though it was logical that I had gained after engaging in absolutely no physical activity for an entire week, during which I was also gorging myself on the small amounts of food that Brigid brought in.

I barely ate it, truthfully, for fear of vomiting, but for some odd reason I could not get enough of the rather bruised apples she always brought me. Perhaps it was because they did not upset my stomach at all, but lately I had been storing them under my pillow and forcing myself to eat the other food that our housekeeper brought, as a pointless experiment to pass the time.

Lazily I slipped one out from under my head and bit into the bruised fruit, trying not to grimace at the unnatural softness. After putting myself through an ideal amount of torture, I heaved myself out of bed and opened the window easily, having asked Brigid to remedy the sill so that I did not have to battle with it every time I wished to simply view the outdoors properly.

Tossing the apple out towards the grounds, I watched as it fell to earth... and the girls that played a heated game of hockey below.

My first instinct was to call out a warning, and then I identified the girls that struggled for the ball beneath me. It was none other than the flawless Cecily Temple and her jackal-like followers, including Elizabeth Poole, who had been the one to start a particularily popular and scandalous rumour about my sickness. Among them were several new recruits, and maybe one innocent girl who simply enjoyed the game.

I weighed the consequences of allowing it as the apple neared them, and then hastily pulled the window shut just before it dropped directly onto Martha's head.

I watched with a maniacal grin spreading slowly across my lips as she fell to the ground ungracefully, crying out so loud that I could hear it clearly through the glass. I watched with interest as the other girls crowded round, reminded of Felicity's description of Cecily's fall during dance class. This would surely be the cherry on top of my bitter and unhealthy cake. And it was.

Martha was screaming and trying desperately to remove the apple puree from her hair, and I realized that an untarnished apple would not have caused so much grief. This made me laugh, and I giggled uncontrollably as the younger girl ran to fetch Miss Nightwing, who had turned from the game momentarily to observe Felicity's talented archery.

_Ah, Fee. Perhaps you are somewhat less despicable than I thought. A perfect destraction, in fact. _

Even she looked towards the dramatic scene, and immediately her devious features were saturated with glee. I watched all this as if I was at the opera, looking on with careful attentiveness as someone else's life was momentarily put on hold because of one silly little fruit. Fearful of being seen, I moved away from the window and jumped onto my bed, standing on top of it as if I had conquered the greatest montster that ever lived.

Feeling foolish, I settled into bed and lay for a mere second before I decided to use the mass confusion to my advantage. Sly as a fox, I formed a plan and slipped out of the door, shutting it with a nearly inaudible click behind me. I slunk down the hallway, descended the stairs, and ran to the front door from there, cracking it open. Peeking out, I saw that every girl was being drawn away from Spence's front and towards Martha, who I could not see from here, but thanked silently for causing such a fuss and destracting my schoolmates.

Opening the door fully, I emerged from Spence and into the glaring sunlight.

It bathed my skin delicously, and I stood there for a moment, enjoying the warmth that welcomed me back to the outdoors. Then I moved quickly from the building and onto the open grass. Sprinting across it, I made a wild break for the trees, exhileration making me feel light-headed and giddy as I risked a number of things to enter the forest unchaperoned.

Not to mention what I planned to do once I reached the forest. When I did, I slowed to a fast walk and travelled the woods alone, making a clear course for Kartik's tent. I had not seen him in a number of days, seeing as I was unable to stay awake in the e past nine vening due to my sickness. I presumed that that was the cause, anyhow.

In seconds, or at least it seemed, I was bursting into his tent, smiling like a fool. He looked up from a worn old book to take in my form, which I supposed was rather frayed right then. I sat beside him and caught my break before speaking the first thing that came to mind.

"I dropped a rotten apple on Martha's head."

He stared at me with concern. "Gemma, are you all right?"

"Yes," I replied. "Splendid, actually."

And I kissed him. His book was abandoned as I moved on top of him, lust igniting in me as I realized how I had craved his touch.

"Where have you been?" His voice was husky and rushed, and I knew that he was as eager as I was to shed our clothing and become one for the first time in what had felt like a century.

"Sick," I replied, kissing him again. "Felicity says that I am dying."

He broke away momentarily. "Truly?"

I shrugged.

"Perhaps. Perhaps not."

He grinned at me and I saw that I was making absolutely no sense, but didn't care.

"I feel fine now," I whispered seductively. He replied by smoothly kissing my neck, his tongue flicking over my skin teasingly. I moaned and pressed into him, suddenly thinking of nothing at all but what we were about to do. Martha's tragedy could wait; I had more urgent business to take care of. Doubt still managed to worm it's way into my thoughts.

"I'm not sure if we have time." He looked up at me and turned us. I could feel a smile tugging at my bruising lips as he pushed the hem of my nightgown upwards. I assisted him as he rid himself of those troublesome trousers, yanking them down swiftly. He responded to this by lifting my nightgown's hem up and over my breasts, cupping and squeezing them with warm, welcoming palms.

I gasped as my breath caught and arched up into him. His penis brushed my thigh and his breath grew ragged at the touch. I reached down and grasped the hardening shaft, speeding the transformation as I pumped my hand up and down until he was rock hard.

Our chests heaved against each other. Then, before I could think about anything, he was inside me for the first time in a week. I moaned and moved into him, rolling my hips upwards. He began thrusting, drawing out and pushing in. My mouth opened wide without my commanded, letting various noises of pleasure and shock escape into his neck. Our bodies merged into one pulsing mass as we writhed beneath the thin canopy for hours before we finally lay still, holding our breath as if to never let go of each other, of this moment.

I couldn't remember ever having been so tired. Sleep stole over me before I could think of returning to Spence, or even making an effort to move from his arms. The last thing I knew was his warmth surrounding me and wishing that I could stay there forever, and not being scared of wanting it.

* * *

Mrs. Nightwing gazed coldly down at me with what I supposed was supposed to a a sympathetic look. She spoke slowly and carefully.

"Miss Doyle, it is my decision that you shall return to your home in London until you have recovered from your unfortunate illness. It is what is best for you and your fellow young ladies here at Spence. You shall return as soon as your good health is assured."

I could not do anything but nod and look helpless as she instructed Ann to assist me in the packing of my clothes. Then our headmistres swept out of the room without another glance at either of us. Ann glowered after her and then looked towards me with sadness.

I frowned, wondering when Ann would become less dependent on others, or at least adopt another girl to follow as she does me.

"Ann, would you mind?" She nodded and lumbered towards my wardrobe, throwing the doors open carelessly. She spent a moment staring at my clothes and then began to take them out and fold them into my case. I watched as she fingered and coveted the fabrics, taking her time.

"Ann.." I said impatiently, and she stopped oggling my dresses and began stuffing them in carelessly.

I sighed and sat with my head between my knees, hoping that this would keep vomit down. It seemed to be helping, but I suspected that this was due to that fact that my sickness only came about in the mornings. It was nearly evening now, and though it would have been much simpler to keep me here until morning, some girls were afraid of me.

I knew this, though the headmistress hadn't mentioned it once. Luckily, though many thought me possessed, nobody suspected that I had dropped the rotten apple on Martha's head, which was still being talked of constantly. Felicity had guessed of my involvement right away, and when Ann had seen her devious grin, she'd blanched considerably and started stammering about being responsible for our actions.

We'd shushed her with disdain and Ann had quieted, looking ashamed. I glanced at her now, busily working with utter concentration, though I wondered if her mind was elsewhere. Did Ann daydream? Did she even have enough imagination to? Then I recalled her rare ramblings about someday escaping her fate a a governess and took it back.

Ann probably had many dreams for herself, all of which were likely involved with the rediculous novels she was always reading, where some dowdy girl that was teased by her superiors rose to become a duchess or queen, and gracefully forgave her tormentors because she was simply that wonderful. Such things were useless to me, seeing as I had more immediate problems than being the target of a few taunts.

I hated to think of what was to come with Kartik and I, the million ways that we could be discovered, and my life brought to ruin. It was all pressing down on me, more and more every day, and I feared that eventually I would burst. God knew what would happen then, whhich was the prime reason I avoided even thinking of it. Perhaps refusing to have any foresight whatsoever would lead to my disgrace, and perhaps it would just keep my mind from worry. I hoped desperately for the latter.

Finally Ann finished her job and I pulled myself through a cloud of thoughts and back to the present, where I got up and took the bag boldly.

"Gemma," Ann said quietly. "Shouldn't you allow Brigid to carry your bags for you?"

I shook my head and grimaced as a wave of fatigue wahed over me, causing my eyelids to flutter and droop. I forced them open, though I was sure that the skin was weighed down with half a dozen anvils, it was so heavy. I began carrying the bag to the door, glad that Mrs. Nightwing had insisted that I pack sparingly, as I would be returning soon anyhow. I managed to clear the door frame before my knees gave out. I kneeled on the floorboards, feeling absolutely miserable.

What was wrong with me? Where was the strong, defiant Gemma that would have heaved that bag all the way to London before falling to her knees in defeat?

Before I knew it sadness oand pity overwhelmed me and tears filled my eyes. I fought them valiantly, blinking and squeezing my eyes shut in an attempt to stay the flow. My last effort was in vain. Tears streamed freely down my cheeks as I cried over something I could not name, and my shoulders shook with sobs.

I could feel Ann watching me with a horrified expression from our room, and that did not help one bit.

I fought to keep the noise in and ended up hiccupping rather loudly, making ungraceful wheezing sounds. I knew that I was pathetic, and that only brought more tears on, but eventually I rose to my feet, wiping at my cheeks. Ann silently held out a kerchief and I blew into it noisily, handing it back to her robotically. My body lurched into motion as I made my fingers curl around the handle of my bag and lift it upwards.

I managed to hold my head up as I trudged down the hall alone, completely hating myself. At the front door, Brigid took my bag from me with a glance of pity at my red-rimmed eyes. She didn't say anything, God bless her, and went up ahead to secure my luggage.

In a matter of minutes I was shut into the carriage and being bumped along the road back home.

* * *

Grandmama welcomed me home.

She was the only one to even care that I had come back, and even her greeting was subdued.

My family was sluggish in some ways, drifting around the house with nothing to do at all, and busy in others. For example, Tom was almost never home any more. He was always premiering at some gentleman's club or taking on a new patient at the asylum, or volunteering to attend a ball or charity event. I was fairly sure that this was because of the young ladies that flocked to these particular events, and Tom did not deny it.

My brother had yet to find a suitable wife, and he was determined to make her a rich, beautiful, and stupid one.

Father holed himself away in his study, admitting no one but Mrs. Jones, who brought him his meals when he did not feel well enough to join us for supper. This was occurring more and more often, and I came to dread every dinner because of his awkward absense.

We all knew that he had fallen back into addiction, and yet no one proposed that we do anything to stop it. It would just break our hearts further to ship him off to rehab, and shamefully, none of us were strong enough to endure the embarrassment and sadness for Father's safety.

He was not himself any longer, and it felt as if the father I had loved was already dead. I caught myself mourning him and his better personality as I did Mother more than once, and wished desperately that I could use the magic again to cure him. But of course, that would only withhold the mental and physical illness that was upon him, and I hated to think of dashing my family's hopes once again.

Perhaps it was best to let him wallow in spirits and depression, to save us all from destruction. This was the silent agreement between us, or at least between Grandmama and I.

Tom refused to even speak about Father's landuam addiction, choosing instead to ignore it and go on with his ignorant ways. He was ashamed of his own father, and was less than proud to be my brother. I had disgraced our family as well by refusing Simon time and time again, of at least it seemed so.

And Grandmama would soon become known as a desperate old crone that was fighting to keep her kin from falling apart when we were already scattered. We were lost.

I made every attempt to escape our wierdly quiet household, using excuses like a torn dress to go to the shops. Whoever chaperoned me did not object to leaving so often, and most likely realized that my dresses were in fact as perfect as usual I was simply running. Thankfully, Mrs. Jones never mentioned the fact that I had bought nothing at all, just wandered among the crowds aimlessly, struggling to go further and further from familiar territory each time.

Unfortunately, these little "adventures" ended when I fainted in the middle of the market, crumbling onto the ground suddenly and frightening every young and old person in the area. It had caused quite a stir, apparently, but all I remembered was a sudden heat flushing throughout my body and dizziness overcoming me until I gave into the darkness creeping at the edges of my vision.

I had woken up in my own bed, alone.

Grandmama had scolded me for not being more careful and all sorts of things that I most definitely did not do, then left me to my own devices with a promise that I would not leave the house until my illness abated.

Three days later, I began sleeping with a pail from the stables next to my bed. The maids came and collected it every morning, full and fermenting. Their faces scrunched up with pity and disgust when they took it out of the room every day to be scrubbed clean and set back on my floor once again.

My limbs were always aching with weariness though I barely used them any more, and I could sleep the day through if I had eaten a good supper the night before. This happened more and more often, seeing as I had developed a strange liking to the lamb that Grandmama cooked. She made it every second night, with a proclamation of, "If it'll cure our Gemma, I'll roast every lamb in England."

Of course, she only said such things when I infused her with a touch of magic. Only enough to lighten her mood, but more than enough to guarentee that she would humour me and make the same dish repeatedly. I did not gift anyone else, for fear that I would get carried away and do something foolish or tire myself out even more. As it was, every little drop of magic that I let slip away made me worse and worse in health, so I eventually stopped.

Weariness was my favourite symptom, because it allowed my escape from vomiting and hurting. I slept a week away before I decided that I should do something to help myself in this rather tiresome position.

Early in the morning, I hauled myself to the sink and washed my mouth out, leaning heavily against the porcelain. I stood myself up and let go of it, standing on my own shakily. Before my legs could give out, I waddled to the library as quietly as possible, all the while adjusting to being on my feet. I pushed open the heavy oak door and shut it silently behind me.

Looking around, I saw a candle burning lonesomely in the centre of the room. I stiffened, thinking that someone was already there, but there was no movement in the library other than the hypnotic flickering that cast light around the room. Shadows crept up the walls as I moved towards the candle, thinking that it was lucky I had found it here, before something knocked it over and it set fire to Father's precious books.

I picked it up carefully and held it out in the direction of the shelf I wanted. There was one area of the library that was overlfowing with books, and it was the one I wanted. This was the section in which we stored our medical knowledge. It was understandable that we were running out of room, seeing as Tom was a sort of doctor and Father had a soft spot for books.

I shone the candle over the piles of books, looking for one that would help me understand what was happening. There were so many, but I could narrow my search down to only a few piles, which contained various symptoms and what could be causing them. There were a few that listed common illnesses and their symptoms, and I was hoping that my answer could be found in those.

I grabbed one from the top of the pile, setting my light down, and began to read.

Hours later, I had halfed the amount of books that needed to be scoured, and was left with only one of the sort that I had been so hopeful for. I flipped through it lazily, finding only an absolute load of poppycock. This one had clearly been written by a madman, who listed off random sicknesses that probably did not even exist.

I closed it loudly, forgetting the hour and possibly waking a servant. This did not concern me overly, and I rose slowly from the floorboards, groaning as my back stretched and cracked. I raised my arms over my head and flexed my fingers, grasping at the ceiling. I let out a huge breath and looked back down to the remaining books. There were probably two dozen, enough to last me through the rest of the night. I longed for my soft bed and the relief of sleep, but forced myself foolishly to pick up the pile and carry it precariously to the table.

I set them down and three slid to the floor. I tiredly bent to pick them up and was frozen in place by a sharp pain in my stomach.

I folded completey, struggling not to screech out in agony. Thousands of red hot knifes were stabbing into my gut, and I wished more than anything for the pain to kill me, let me slip away and escape it. But it continued for several unbearable minutes before I lay still on the ground, my body trembling and quaking in the aftermaths. Sweat covered my body and I felt clammy with fear and weariness. My head ached something terrible. That was the final strike.

I should have went straight to bed, or even just fallen asleep in the library, but I reached up and grasped the table's edge with my weak fingers, using it for support as I pulled myself upwards. I leaned all of my weight on the cool surface, wishing that the mist in my head would clear out and the horrible feeling that plagued me would fade. It did not.

I dropped into a chair noisily and watched as I grabbed a book from the pile and brought it before me. I opened it deliberately, focusing on doing that one thing with with the uttermost concentration.

The title was blurred from some sort of spilled liquid, and I wondering if it was my own eyes tearing up.

I found that this particular book was arranged alphabetically, with symptoms listed starting with "ABDOMINAL PAINS". If I'd had the strength, I would have laughed at the coincedence, but instead I searched the page for a sickness I could have come down with. There was nothing that was possible, really, other than severe diarrhea. That got a laugh out of me and I twisted my face as the sound croaked out of my throat.

I turned the page and began flipping faster until I was nearly at the end of the book. The only thing listed under "V" was just what I was looking for.

Vomiting had been the very first thing I thought of, seeing as it was the most notable to others and the most frequent and reliable. I saw quite a few illnesses, but none of them listed other symptoms I was experiencing. Just as I was about to give up or throw the book against the door, I saw a bit of faint writing. It looked extremely faded, and impossible to read, but then I realized that it was on the other side of the page.

I turned it quickly, staring incredulously at the proclamation that stood alone on the page as the very last sickness in the entire three hundred page book.

I skimmed through the explanation, my glazed eyes widening in amazment and terror as I read.

**Pregnancy**

V_omiting occurs early in the morning, followed  
by fatigue, moodiness, additional weight and loss  
of menstrual cycle. Vomiting will cease roughly  
three to four months after impregnation of patient.  
Overall effects will last for nine months. _

The daily scheduele of vomiting.

The weariness that dug deep into my bones and kept me anchored to my bed day after day.

The constant swings of my emotions, making me yell and scream at an unsuspecting maid and then break down and cry myself to sleep.

I looked down at my fingers with dread as I counted the days up until today. I was due to begin bleeding five days ago.

My hands dropped into my lap and my lips parted into a huge O. My eyes must have been just as wide. My whole body was shot into overdrive. Heat coursed through me as my heart drummed against my ribs in a desperate bid for freedom. A jarring shock was sent through my skin and into my mind, and I was ready to fall in on myself when the first ray of sunrise peeked through the large window to my left and shone straight into my face.

I blinked in surprise, and on cue, my stomach rolled lurchingly and I hurled myself to the floor, throwing up what little amount of foods I had eaten the previous evening. After that my gut continued to twist and throw, and I kneeled on the ground as my throat retched and heaved dryly. And then, out of nowhere, it was done.

I shook tremendously and threw myself onto the wooden floor beside the pool of throw-up, crying. Then a scream ripped it's way out of my mouth, scratching hoarsely and hauntingly and yet proving chillingly high. It was heartbreaking, and doubtlessly I woke up every person in the entire household. And I couldn't have cared less.

Tears flowed even more viciously than before and I just gave up and let them go, soaking my face and neck.

My world was crumbling away from me quickly, leaving me all alone in an abyss of hopelessness. I couldn't escape it, yet I would have given anything to be relieved of what was happening to me. I needed to start over, but God simply did not deal out second chances like that.

I lay shaking and weeping on the floor for ages, wondering if it was all a dream, praying that I could be wrong.

But my heart knew the truth.

This was something I would never live down, and most certainly never be completely rid of_._

Go away.

_P__lease, please go away._


	17. Great Reveal

**Sorry that it's taking so long!! Please read and forgive me. :)**

* * *

I looked nervously around the quiet library, crouched in a most un-lady like fashion over an old book. Nothing stirred in the small space I had inhabited, and I could barely hear the librarian working only a few shelves away from me.

My chaperone was waiting by the door, as I had instructed her, though she seemed suspicious. I guessed that this was because she suspected I was planning on reading indecent literature, but in truth, it was simply a precaution.

Managing to pull my gaze back to the book, I studied the title, wondering if it would hold the answers I sought. _The Wonders of Childbirth _was the only book on pregnancy I had been able to find so far, and I guessed it was the only one here. If this didn't work, I would either have to search throughout London's bookstores or simply give up and face it uneducated. I took a deep breath, told myself I was being overly dramatic, and opened the book to the first page.

_The Wonders of Childbirth: An Introduction_

_To truly understand childbirth, we must first learn what it is that causes this common miracle. This process starts with-_

I made a face and turned the page, deciding that I was already familiar with the "process". I skipped that whole chapter and flipped through several others, such as _Emotions, _and _Symptoms. _My spirits began to fall as I realized there would be no page entitled _Unwanted Pregnancies, _or _How to Reverse It. _There was no advice for that sort of thing, since it was unheard of. Just as pregnancy before marriage was unheard of. I was in a rut.

I knew that there was no help for me, no writing to guide me, and no person that could relate to my situation. My rocketing emotions peaked and tears began to gather, but I blinked hard and swallowed determinedly, struggling to rid myself of the horrible ache in my throat. I hardly bothered to look at the rest of the book, but just as I was about to close it and return the disappionting thing to it's shelf, I spotted the final chapter.

_The Child_

_As we all know, a child is the result of pregnancy. Actual childbirith can be very painful, involves much blood, and can often be fatal to-_

I snapped the book shut, wishing I had not even glanced over the rest of the book. The last sentence bothered me, but what the first one had pronounced overpowered that scary fact.

A child. I'd thought that I had fully realized what this meant for me, but.... a child had not entered my thoughts once. I was going to have a child. Me, a mother. I could feel my inevitable future reaching upwards with dark, clawing fingers, threatening to pull me under water and drown me in hopelessness.

I shook this off and told myself that I need to take what is happening one step at a time.

So I didn't come to terms with anything, but simply stowed it away as I left my book where it laid and returned to the library's main door. I was afraid of facing it, so I didn't. Not yet.

Mrs. Jones looked at me unreadably from under her brows and I stretched a tired smile across my face that did not convince her of anything. I heard a little sound from the old desk that the librarian occupied and glanced back to see her holding my book in her hands. She examined it with a sour expression and muttered something under her breath. Then I heard say loudly, "How unproper! I thought that I had confistcated every copy of this monstrosity."

Then she trailed off with some other murmuring and glanced towards me, looking confused and a bit disgusted. I gave her a little wave and she seemed to shrug it off, dropping the book into a wooden box which she then locked discreetly. I turned back to my escort and saw her shaking her head. I ignored her and swept out of the door without waiting for her to open it for me.

The street was very busy that day, and I could feel my chaperone hovering as close as possible in case I collasped again. Grandmama had been very reluctant to even allow me out of the house, but I had promised her that I was simply going for a relaxed reading to the library and that I had become bored of the books that we owned.

I shuddered thinking of that horrible night when I had snuck into the library and discovered my fate. That had been shoved away, too, but now it surged back with horrifying intensity. The damp lighting, the solemness of my familiar house, and worst of all, that foreboding book laying open on the table, displaying a terrifying reality. I wished desperately for a moment that I had not done something so bold and stupid, but it was obvious that finding out was a good thing.

If I had not, then when Grandmama had insisted that the physician returned to inspect me once again, I would not have refused bluntly and decided that I would resist all medical attention. To think what could have happened if he had detected the nearly nonexistent rising of my stomach, and had connected my symptoms with something entirely impossible for a sixteen year old "virgin".

It had been close, but eventually my harpish guardian had relented, saying that if I did not improve within a month she would drag the doctor here if need be. Of course, that would be unecessary, but she was merely trying to prove her point. I had agreed to this but silently resolved that if the vomiting at least did not stop, I would kick and scream to keep the good doctor away from me.

In a month's time, the vomiting was supposed to have stopped, at least by the book's reasoning. Unfortunately, I could only wonder when I had been... er- _impregnated, _so I did not know for a fact when it would cease. Numbers and time periods were all a mystery, out of the many unsolved cases that swirled around my head dizzyingly.

In typical procrastinator-Gemma fashion, I made myself forget these for the time being and focused on holding my head high and not allowing anyone to see my weakness, though Mrs. Jone's fretful aura could be felt through every petticoat and layer of fabric I wore. She abated slightly as we moved on, and I found myself feeling deeply grateful or this by the time we reached our carriage. The driver nodded and tipped his hat to me, and it took me a moment to remember that this man was not Kartik, but simply another hand Grandmama had hired.

I had not seen Kartik since he saved me from Simon, though he had promised to stay near. I suspected that he knew something of my condition and had decided not to return as our driver since I would not be travelling while ill. Either that or.... or what? Perhaps he had somehow learned of my pregnancy.

Surely that was enough to scare him away from me in all respects? He must have found out and fled as soon as possible, back to the Gypsies, or even to the Rakshana. Panic was rising again, aided by my sky-rocketing emotions. Kartik was gone. He had loved me, but then I had went and become tainted and a burden and he had left me.

_No, Gemma, that could not have happened. How would he know? _I knew that this little part of my mind was talking perfect sense and that him having such classified knowledge was impossible, but that simply delayed my fears. He _would _find out, and _then _he would run away.

It just all a matter of time before my news somehow reached him and I lost my sweet, handsome, loving Kartik... but if he was so sweet and loving, would he truly abandon me? He had pronounced his love for me numerous times, with such passion that he could not have been bluffing. I had felt that wild love myself, seen it in his perfect eyes as he gazed at me. Or perhaps that had simply been a reflection of my own unheeded feeling. A feeling that was beginning to manifest greatly as I spent more and more time away from him.

It was essential that I either feigned wellness or actualy recovered, and soon; Kartik was calling for me, and I feared that my chest would crack if I was not reunited with him.

Even as I was assisted into he carriage and sat in dignified silence, Mrs. Jones's voice speaking quietly as she worried about my strength, there was a pulling urge to see him again, hear that deep sensual voice and be surrounded by his sweet exotic smell. My eyes were fluttering closed without my knowledge as I thought of him, partly because it was easiest to imagine him that way, but mostly because I was dead tired.

Mrs. Jones's voice faded out and I was batting my eyelashes in a sad attempt not to fall asleep. Just as I gave in to the desire to slump in my seat and close my eyes, the carriage lurched to a gradual stop and I was being waited on to leave the carriage. The driver helped me down kindly and I thanked him, finding it easier to focus on my house as I spoke and not to let my eyes wander.

After I had hauled myself through the grand door, I ungracefully let myself fall into a plush loveseat that I sometimes occupied while pretending to read books. The room's colours blurred and faded as Tom walked into the room, staring at me inquisitively. I tried to smile at him and grimaced, forcing my body out of the wonderfully recieving chair and onto my own two feet, which where threatening to betray me. I blinked hard and fought back a massive yawn as Tom shook his head in disgrace.

"You might as well just go to bed, little sister." I shook my head and insisted on taking on apple from the kitchens out to Ginger, Kartik's favourite horse. The pretty mare gobbled up my treat with gusto and I watched as she licked her lips appreciatively and looked at me expectantly. Her big brown eyes pleaded in a funny way for an animal so large, and I found myself laughing at her and giving her a pet on the nose before sitting in silence.

She snuffled at my neck and I stroked her fur absentmindedly, thinking of a certain Indian that should have been with me. He should have come round the corner with a charming smile in place and told me that Ginger was already large enough. He should have known what I had done and been unbothered, because he loved me so much.

But Kartik was hundreds of miles away, or maybe right here in London, prowling the streets. Wherever he was, it was not where I wanted him, and that was here with me.

My hand rested on my stomach lightly, tracing circles as I tried to locate the bump that must have surely been growing. Luckily, I couldn't feel anything noticable yet, though obviously my normally smooth stomach was not as it should have been. Finding that this could be a mistake, I withdrew my hand and busied it as I ran my fingers lazily through the curls that had fallen loose from the tight bun that was giving me a horrible aching feeling at the base of my skull.

Again weariness was creeping onto my vision and into my bones, making me realize that perhaps Tom had been right for the first time in his miserable, covorting lifetime. I got up unsteadily and left Ginger in her stall, where she stood looking bored as I exited the stables.

As I travelled through the gardens and into the house, I noticed a crouched figure by one of the flowerbeds, dressed in hired clothes. I approached the figure silently, taking dainty steps on the balls of my feet as I neared them. It was wearing a dress, meaning that this was a girl. I could see a flower in her small hand. She seemed to be riveted on it, her head trained directly on the tiny flower so that I could only tell her hair colour, a mousy brown.

Finally, I was within hearing range. She was murmuring softly to her self, in a strange rythym that puzzled me until I saw her other hand. It was moving towards and away from the flower in sync with her little chant, which became clear enough for me to make out the words as I came within a metre of two of her crouching frame.

"He loves me, he loves me not. He loves me, he loves me not." She was plucking petals from the beautiful flower one by one. As the flower began to become pitifully bare, she slowed in her speaking.

"He loves me...... he loves me not. He loves me........ he loves me...... not." I watched as she lets one final petal float prettily to the ground. She dropped the stripped stem and gathered up all the petals, then brushed them into a little hole she must have dug before hand. Dirt covered the whole until it was no more, and she patted the dirt firmly.

A final whisper escaped her mouth, which I could not hear very well. Had she said anything else, I would not have recognized the word. But this was one the clouded my thoughts day and night, pulling me from my soft bed and into the dark forest.

"_Kartik...." _I frowned deeply as confusion washed over my brain, making my clumsy in my actions. I stepped towards her without caution, making her head snap towards me. Her face was familiar to me, something that most housemaids could not boast of. But before I could put a name to her, the question slipped through my lips.

"What did you say?"

She began to stand and backed away slightly, her eyes darting around at anything but me. What had gotten into her?

"N-Nothing, Miss."

I set my mind and placed my hands stubbornly on my hips.

"What did you say?" I repeated doggedly, drawing all colour from her face. She stuttered an apology and looked at me shame-facedly. "Did you say someone's name?"

Seeming to think of this as an easy way out, she nodded eratically.

"Whose?" She blanched and began to play with her fingers, looking down at the stained tips, coloured pink by the flower's juices.

"J-Just a boy that used to work here, Miss."

I pressed on, unsure of why I was so obsessed with getting it out of her.

"And that boy's name is?"

She threw her hands down in defeat and looked at me, terrified.

"K-Kartik."

"Why would you be saying his name?"

"I-uh...."

She could not think of a good reason, and so I hit it right on the head.

"You fancy him, perhaps?"

She blushed furiously, which was all the answer I needed. It was at this point that her name finally came back to me. "Well, Emily, you might as well stop torturing the gardens for Kartik. He will not be returned to work for us here."

She frowned, and I saw that she must have been telling herself otherwise.

"I am sorry, Miss." My heart melted a little bit at her sadness and I felt pity welling up.

"It is quite alright, Emily. I'm sorry for your loss."

She looked at me suspicously as if suspecting that I was playing some cruel joke on her. Seeing that my face was completely serious, she nodded her thanks and glanced down at the spot where she had buried the flower's entrails. My eyes stayed trained on her basic face, one that seemed crushed in by emotion at the moment.

Perhaps this Emily had truly loved Kartik. It made me sad and happy all at once to know that he could not have returned the sentiment; if Kartik had felt for her, he would have told me, or I would have seen it in him.

No, I was Kartik's only woman, a highly explainable fact, when you looked upon young mousy Emily. She straightened after a moment and recomposed herself, but not before I caught the forlorn whisper that drifted through the dangerously still air.

"Kartik....." She seemed to relish uttering his name, and I suddenly decided that this servant was perhaps a bit too bent on loving him.

"Well, cheerio! I must be going now, and if you'll take my advice, just forget him." And with that I made my final exit, brushing past her strongly as she puzzled over my sudden change of mood. I could feel her mourning eyes on my back as I returned to the house, already feeling the insatiable aching that would soon fill my whole body. I decided to ignore it and joined Grandmama in the dark sitting room, where she knit a drab shawl by candlelight.

With a sigh of exasperation I dropped into my usual chair, ready to doze off. Catching my nearly silent noise of displeasure, she turned her lined face on me and frowned deeply.

"Gemma, what in the worldd has gotten into you?" she demanded, frustration creeping into her voice and giving it a sharp and not-at-all loving edge. "You mope around as if your life has already ended, you sleep the days away, you're always vomiting in the mornings....."

My grandmother's eyes were wide and angry, yet soft as well. I saw for the first time that Grandmama was genuinely worried about me. "What with all your moping and heaving and that insane appetite you've developed...."

She blinked and her expression became masked. "Why, it quite reminds me of when I carried your mother! Exactly so, in fact!"

In a second my weariness vanished, to be replaced with a wild panic that filled my veins. Had that been a serious accusation? My eyes shot wide and my breath became shallow and fast as my heart was sent thuddering against my chest. My hands gripped the arms of my chair, which suddenly seemed too comfortable. Crazy notions were already crowding into my head.

My family finding out, banishing my from the house....

Grandmama forcing me to rid myself of the child.....

I forced a horrid smile onto my face and laughed tightly.

"Grandmama, what madness! I'm simply suffering from the flu." She looked at me with a magnified amount of concern due to my strange reaction. The happy charade I was stretching thinly over my true feelings was no match for her, and I felt certain that I had just ensured my own demise. However, I kept up the shaky grin as she spoke again, quieter this time, and no doubt suspecting lunacy.

"Yes, well, I do believe that you are in need of a short nap, child." Everything in me was crying out for my familiar bed, the sweet cocooning warmth that would lull my into a deep slumber. _Almost_ everything in me. I fortified that stupid little smile and shook my head with another short laugh.

"I assure you, I am totally fine. I shall retire sometime in the afternoon, surely." Pushing myself out of the chair with what small will I had left, I moved to the large window, covered by heavy drapes that seemed never to be moved. I flung them open for no reason at all, bathing the room in wonderful sunlight that drove back the foreboding shadows that so often plagued my house.

Grandmama blinked in the glare and looked at me for a moment before returning to her knitting, shrugging lightly as if she had decided to simply let me go absolutely insane. I tied the curtains back and squinted softly in the light, looking upon our yard with no idea of what to do with myself.

Just as I had decided to visit the kitchens for a morning snack, I spotted a figure crouched in our carefully trimmed shrubs. My heart skipped and pounded at the general surprise that this brought, but as I looked closely upon the strange person, it refused to settle back into a regular rhythym. I could easily make out the body shape, the slightly rebellious mop of curls, despite the scarce foliage covering him. The curve of his body, the slightly wary crouch that exentuated his broad shoulders and muscled limbs. Of course, I could not see all this closely, but it was forever etched into my memory. Even his warm hands, holding me to him in passionate embrace.

My senses skyrocketed as his name bled into every thought I could possibly be having, causing a giddy spell to overcome me. I smiled truly for the first time that morning and quickly closed the drapes, fearful of Grandmama's sharp, roaming gaze.

Kartik could be gravely punished for sneaking about on our property, and his culture and appearance would surely worsen whatever sentence could be dealt out. Sparing my grandmother a glance to make sure she had not noticed what I had, or how I had reacted, I left the room in a flurry of happiness.

Kartik.

Kartik was here, just when I had been forgetting the cause of all this sickness. It was nearly worth it, considering all of the colourful, hot ecstacy that had preluded the pregnancy. Already I yearned for his touch, to feel the world-shattering completness of him inside me. Whatever blame I could have pinned on him was useless next to the undying love that centered him in my heart. Any grudge I could have forced myself to harbour would have been quickly demolished by his quirky smile, and any thought of harsh words washed away with a sarcastic comment. I simply would have forgotten to be mad, so what use was it to add to my stress with the constant reminder to hate him?

Instead, fantasies played out in my mind as I reentered the outside world, sweeping our lawn with my gaze. I could hardly remind myself to be subtle, the excitement was so intense.

Most likely he did not know I had spotted him, so I started towards the side of the house where I had spied him in the bushes, praying that Grandmama would not have a sudden revelation involving the goodness of light and reopen the drapes. Thankfully, when I checked they were still drawn tight, sheltering me from anyone inside the house.

I walked confidently in the direction of the shrubs, wondering for the first time why Kartik was skulking around the house instead of waiting till dark and scaling the wall and entering through my window. It didn't matter, though, since I'd much prefer seeing him immediately. I scanned the bushes, finding that from this angle the shadows were too thick to see through.

"Kartik," I called loudly as I dared. "Kartik!"

In moments, I saw the leaves rustling and he stepped out, looking around for me.

"Kartik," I said, and his head snapped in my direction. A smile spread across his face and I mirrored it, stepping towards him purposefully. He met me, wrapping his long welcoming arms around me body and securing me in his embrace. I hugged him back and sighed.

"I missed you," I whispered truthfully, pushing my head into the space between his collarbone and his jaw.

"I know," he answered simply. "I had to come."

I nodded ever-so-slightly and looked up into his eyes, which were brimming with passion. His liquid curls fell into his face and I laughed softly as I saw a tiny leaf stuck in his hair. I reached up and picked it out meticulously, throwing the shred of greeness away. Kartik watched me as I did so, barely looking to check what it was. Then we were staring into each other's eyes again, and I couldn't stop myself from kissing him.

Our lips met dangerously, heatedly. All of my energy became focused on working my lips on his, savouring his sweet taste. His tongue was in my mouth, and I pushed against him harder, using my own to play with him. My hands circled his neck, while his held my to him by my waist.

My clothes were quickly becoming too warm for me; the tension was rising quickly. He seemed to be experiencing the same thing, but in a slightly different form. I was fighting the urge to throw him to the ground and strip off all of my clothes. I could just feel the insane ticklish pleasure of sinking down onto him, tasting his salty skin pressing against and into me....

I let out a moan and he broke away slightly, eyes still wild with lust.

"Let's go."

* * *

I looked around me without really feeling anything at all, exept for happiness that I was with him. I remembered this place. Kartik had brought me here when he had needed to deliver important news. The visit had ended badly, with Fowlson showing up and threatening us gravely. I shuddered lightly and pushed all that away, inhaling the familiar smell that was all around me.

Kartik. Hot spice was everywhere, filling my brain with lightness and pleasure. Kartik's hand around my own only added to this feeling, and I found that I was smiling ridiculously as he led me into a seperate room, the door of which I'd noticed upon my earlier visit. He turned to shut the door behind him, and as soon as it clunked against the frame, I was on him.

I shoved him roughly back into the door, driving myself against him with fire. His lips found mine is if by magic and I entered into a world of pure happiness. Not for the first time, I felt a tiny forgiveness to Father, for if this was anything like the rush that the opium had given him, I was fully understanding of his weakness.

Kartik nipped at me hungrily, and soon became the only man on my mind as all thoughts or whisperings of Father were whisked away in a storm of cinnamon heat. His hands on my body were begging for more, scolding my skin peevishly with carnal thoughts. I pressured him against the hard door, but the discomfort mustn't have registered, because his mouth was on my neck and moving downwards intensely.

I half-sighed, half-laughed in ecstacy as he bit into my neck softly, provocing a jerk from me. I took this oppurtunity to slip my hand down his pants. He gasped as I took hold of his hardening core and began to tighten my hold, tickling and teasing.

"You're a bitch, Gemma," he breathed in a joking tone, and I hardly registered the meaningless insult.

"Even a bitch like me is entitled to my revenge, Kartik," I said in vicious pleasure. Instead of a vocal response, he snaked his hands up into the shirt I had borrowed from Tom's chest of uselesss clothing, grasping my breasts suddenly. My breath hitched in my throat and I sucked a sparing breath in, then pressed my lips to his once more as he began squeezing and massaging my softness.

"Oh, Gemma," he whispered lustily, and I looked at him, undecided. I could have played with him, but my needing was too great to dawdle with unclean games thath would get him riled up. Instead, I let the oversized trousers that hung loosely on my hips fall to my ankles in one smooth movement, and used my hands's current position to releive Kartik of his pants, as well. He smiled deviously as I took a half step away from him and slipped out of the shirt. He followed my example with a frenzied tinge that rivalled my own and then I dove against him once more, hating that I had not experienced such a thing in so long.

He seemed just as eager, and I nearly went back on my decision to get on with it, pressing my lips to his jawline. I let my tongue rub his salty taste into my mouth, stalling deliberately. He threw himself onto the bed I had hardly noticed, bringing me down with him. I grinned and rubbed my head against his neck, letting a careless whisper escape into his ear.

"I need you." The soft words merely acknowledged the undeniable wetness that was spreading between my thighs, while Kartik's own excitement defined itself. It was horrible that our needs hadn't been met yet, and in consensus we rolled over. His erection pressed into my stomach, triggering a memory, a faint reminder of something important that I needed to say or do.

My lips parted as I tried to think of what I could say, but I never got the chance, because at that moment he pushed into me, and the only noise my mouth would make were moans of pleasure as he moved firmly in and out. Pressure built around us for what felt like an eternity as we kissed each other viciously, our bodies always pulsing, pressing.

When it came to an end we lay as close as possible, still tangled lovingly. He kissed my hair softly and I nuzzled further into his chest, sighing in pure happiness. That happiness barely faded as I realized that I still had not told him, but I knew that if I withheld this information from him it would only grow harder and harder to actually let it pass my lips.

"Kartik-" I started.

"Gemma-" he accidentally interrupted, and I nodded at him.

"Go ahead."

He pulled me away a little bit so that he could look into my eyes and I knew he was having doubts again. He'd remembered that we could never be together.

"Gemma, I've been thinking.... are you _sure _you want this?"

I felt my eyes soften even further as I looked at him.

"Yes," I replied simply, and he looked concerned.

"It's just- your season will be starting soon, and- well, maybe we should stop this for a while." I could tell that that was the last thing he wanted, but it was what he thought it would take to give me a proper life. Of course, a proper life could never make me happy, and surely that was more important to him.

I saw that now was the best chance I'd get.

I took a deep breath, feeling his chest against mine, and said, "Good idea; I'm pregnant."

* * *


End file.
